Soldier of Zero
by Ashen Author
Summary: Louise summons Saito as her familiar, but while Saito is the same, the world he comes from is not. With experiences of war and knowledge of magic (but he still can't cast spells) Saito will serve his new master well while remembering where he comes from. Primarily GuileHero!Saito Updates will be sporadic.
1. Chapter 1

As my adoring fans can see, I've recently discovered _Zero no Tsukaima_, and gotten hooked. I won't be updating this too often, until I've finished _A New Order,_ but I will post the occasional chapter.  
As you will hopefully note, I've gone to great lengths to keep Saito the same character at his base. What's changed is the world he comes from, and his experiences in it. If anyone has any guesses about what it's like, leave a review or PM me (PMs welcome, but a review is preferred).

I don't own Familiar of Zero, or it would be less trite. I also don't own any of the genres Saito references in this or any chapter.

* * *

"Louise the Zero is right!" someone teased as the class waved away the smoke. "Way to blow up the summoning ritual!" The short strawberry-blonde looked at the pillar of smoke in dismay. Her greatest failure yet.

"Professor Colbert, _please_," Louise whined, "I have to try again! I'll get it this time, I promise!"

"I'm afraid not," the teacher coughed, getting a lungful of smoke. "The Springtime Familiar Summoning is an ancient and sacred ceremony," he paused as a figure became slowly apparent from the center of the smoke, "and I don't believe you _need_ to try again. You summoned something, it appears."

"What!" Louise whirled around, eyes sparkling, as the smoke dispersed to show her familiar. Her stomach sank.

"A commoner," someone cried, and several of her classmates began laughing.

Sure enough, the figure appearing from the smoke was unmistakably human, and not too impressive a human at that. He had black hair and eyes, and from his skin and facial features he appeared to be of an ethnicity not normally found on the continent. He was wearing a short-sleeved shirt and a pair of rough cloth pants, with an odd blue color. The only noteworthy thing, had anyone noticed, was the silver bracelet on his left wrist, with several tiny gems hanging from tinier links of chain.

"Of course Louise the Zero would summon a commoner," another noted, "he's about as magical as she is!"

"A commoner? I can't!" Louise wailed, turning back to the professor. The young man's eyes swept across the field and then settled back on her, and his stance relaxed slightly. He appeared to be waiting, watching, judging.

"You have to, Louise," her professor sternly. "The Springtime Familiar Summoning is an ancient and sacred tradition, and I will not have you disrespect it. Now seal the contract."

"But, but," she babbled, but a stern frown from the teacher told her it was useless. The petite sixteen-year-old whirled around and strode toward the commoner in the summoning circle, half glum, half furious, and entirely petulant. His eyes focused on her sharply, and he took half a step back. One arm moved towards his pocket while he stretched his right arm out towards her curiously.

"Nan desuka? Nihongo wa hanashimasuka?" he asked, prompting another burst of laughter.

"Such a stupid commoner—he can't even speak right!" someone choked out through a fit of giggles. Louise snarled, swatted her summon's arm away, and stepped within the commoner's personal space. He leaned back cautiously, but didn't step away. Humiliation colored her cheeks as the intoned the traditional benediction, asking the Founder to bless her familiar bond.

_My first kiss, too,_ she thought miserably, and then arched up on her tiptoes and pulled the commoner's head down to her face. She pressed her lips to his and kept them there for only a second, long enough to seal the bond. Then she jerked back and shoved him away violently.

"What was that about?" he wondered.

"Who are you, commoner?" Louise asked irritably. His head snapped up.

"I understood that," he observed clinically. "Translation spell?"

"Well done, Louise!" exclaimed professor Colbert. "You performed 'Contract Servant' on your first attempt. Congratulations!"

"Contract servant," the young man repeated dumbly. "Servant?"

"I can do _some_ things right," Louise announced. "I'm not a total failure."

"Only because he's more pathetic than you are!" taunted another student, who didn't notice the familiar's eyes flick over to him.

"If he was a powerful magical beast, she'd never have been able to make that contract," laughed another.

"Hey now, Louise is right," shouted a girl with long, blonde ringlets. "Even the Zero doesn't fail at everything." Louise's head snapped up at the new experience of being defended by a classmate. But before she could thank her savoir, the girl continued. "Of course, that's not because she was successful. It's just that she _fails_ at being a _failure_!"

"Professor Colbert, I've just been mocked by Montmorency the Flood!"

"Flood! I'm Montmorency the Fragrance, Zero!"

"You used to let loose a flood every night, bedwetter!"

"Enough! Nobles ought to show respect to one another," the professor chastised. The young man narrowed his eyes as another piece of the puzzle fell into place. Then he yelped and clutched at his left hand.

"The hell? Someone turn the heat down!"

"That's just the Familiar Runes," Louise snapped. "It will be over in a moment, you big baby."

"Who are you calling a baby, brat?" he snapped and then immediately winced, having made a mistake.

"Who are you, commoner, to use such language in front of a noble?" the tiny girl asked archly. "I asked your name, did I not? Present yourself!"

_Explain myself! I should be the one asking for an explanation!_ But he bit down on the thought. Before he could answer, the bald professor strode over and examined his hand.

"Interesting runes. And that bracelet…" Colbert mused. Then they heard the faint sound of a bell. "Everyone, let's head back to the Academy! Class is over." With barely an incantation, he rose into the air smoothly. When the rest of the class did the same, minus the strawberry-blonde, Saito's eyebrows rose and he whistled quietly. They quickly floated off toward the stone walls of a distant castle, but one of the students called back to Louise.

"Zero! You should take it easy and _walk_ home after such a _difficult_ summoning, you know?"

"Who are you kidding, she can't fly!"

"Can't even manage levitation!"

Louise just stood there grinding her teeth, looking ready to cry. It was just the two of them remaining. She turned to the commoner but he spoke first.

"Hiraga Saito." She paused.

"What?"

"My name. Hiraga Saito." He looked like he was going to add something, stopped, and then said, "Saito is my given name."

"Then you should have said so first!" Louise snapped. "Honestly, whoever heard of saying your family name first?" He shrugged.

"It's the custom of my homeland."

"It's a stupid custom!"

"Then, my lady, would you do me the honor of demonstrating an introduction, and give me the honor of knowing your name?" Louise missed the sarcasm and his words soothed her ruffled feathers. She inflated with self-importance.

"You have the honor of addressing Louise Françoise Le Blanc de La Vallière, youngest daughter of the duke of Valliere." Saito raised an eyebrow as the gears in his head began to turn again, processing. He smiled faintly and bowed.

"It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance. Now would you please inform me why I am here, how I came to be here, and where the hell _here_ is?" She slapped him, and Saito just looked at her impassively.

"Do not use such language in front of a noble, commoner!" She drew herself up, her anger spent, and deigned to answer him. "We are currently in a glaive not far from the world-famous Tristain Academy of Magic. You are here because I preformed the Familiar Summoning ritual, and summoned you." She wilted. "Why did I have to get such a lame familiar? I wanted something cool, like a griffin, or a dragon. Or a manticore, like mother."

"Those exist?" Saito asked curiously.

"Of course they do! What kind of backwoods idiot are you, to not know that?" Saito frowned, but the expression was gone in an instant, and he offered her a smile instead.

"Does the name Tokyo sound familiar to you?"

"Never heard of it," she said dismissively as they began trudging back towards.

"It's the capital city of Japan, which is my homeland."

"Doesn't ring a bell."

"Maybe by another name…Nihon? Nippon? Edo?"

"Such odd names. None of them are familiar." Saito sighed at her response.

"I didn't think so. Do you know of a way for me to return home? Or at least contact home? People might worry."

"I'd assume you would just find it on a map and send a letter, idiot," she grumbled.

"If you've never heard of my homeland, it isn't likely to be on your maps," Saito explained drily. "Since I'm going to be here a while, I don't suppose you could tell me what being a familiar entails?" It was Louise's turn to sigh.

"Alright, as a commoner you couldn't be expected to this stuff. A familiar is-"

"An animal or similar creature into which the mage places a small piece of their essence to bind the two of them together, so that the animal will obey their will and can aid them with certain projects," he rattled off, as though from a textbook. She stared at him.

"Not such an uneducated commoner," she finally allowed. He smiled faintly and asked a question of his own.

"And what is the difference between nobles and commoners?" Louise sniffed haughtily.

"That's obvious. Magic, of course!"

"Is that all, my lady?"

"Well, in some uncivilized places like Germania," she didn't note Saito eyebrow rise at the name, "a commoner can buy land and eventually _buy_ a noble title, but everyone knows they aren't _real_ nobility. They won't be able to use magic unless they _buy_ their way into a marriage with some down-on-their-luck noble family, and even then it'll only be their children, and not them. But magic is the biggest difference, as it is the Founder's sign that our families are chosen to rule."

"And so all I would need to do to prove that I am a noble is cast a spell?" he asked, and she frowned at the calculating note in his voice.

"Yes, but it's obvious that you couldn't, even if you did have a noble ancestor a few generation back. For one thing, you need a wand, which a commoner obviously wouldn't have." There was a moment of silence, and when Saito spoke Louise actually flinched at the ice in his voice.

"Of course I don't have a wand. Maybe it didn't get summoned along with me." The petite girl stopped dead in her tracks, horror written across her face, and furiously looked over her familiar, who kept walking. After a few moments of dread she hurried to catch up, pulling at his elbow.

"Wait, wait! So you are a noble?" she asked, worried. Summoning a noble as a familiar and binding them could have horrific political repercussions. and a noble from a foreign country...worst comes to worst that could mean _war_.

"Of course not," Saito replied casually, and she stopped again.

"But, but, you just said…"

"I was speaking hypothetically. What a silly idea!" Saito chuckled, rubbing his right wrist awkwardly. "Me, a noble? How ridiculous?"

"_But you just said you were_!" Louise shrieked and ran to catch up again. Her fingers were twitching for the riding crop she wasn't carrying. "Look, _are_ you a noble?"

"I'm not going to answer that."

"Arrrg!" This finally got Saito to stop, and he turned to look at the girl he had just put through emotional whiplash. She was panting, with a wild look about her. Saito smiled gently, leaned in closer to lock eyes with her, and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Lady de Valliere—that's your name, right?—I'm afraid you've put me in a rather tricky position. You see, if I _were_ a noble, I wouldn't tell you, because then I could be ransomed back home or pressed for information that could be used against my people. As a noble yourself, _you_ would never allow yourself to put your homeland at risk, correct?" Louise swallowed and nodded uncertainly.

"It would be the greatest betrayal one could commit," she admitted.

"Exactly. So if I were a noble, I would never say so, and would pretend to be a commoner in order to protect my people. On the other hand, if I were a commoner, I would never dare lie and call myself a noble, for fear of being caught and punished. Don't you agree?" He turned and kept walking, and after a moment Louise came back to life and followed. After a few minutes of running the conversation over in her head, she frowned and tugged at Saito's elbow again.

"I am your master, familiar. Surely _I_ can be trusted to know your identity."

"Does a dragon familiar show its master the cave where it once hoarded gold? Does a griffin lead its master to its former nest? No, master, until I can contact my homeland, I ask that you merely consider me your humble familiar Saito, of no importance to anyone other than you."

"But I have to know! How am I supposed to know how to treat you if I don't know what your status is?" If he was a commoner then she should keep him in his proper place, but if he was a noble then he was deserving of a degree of respect, and disciplining him would be completely inappropriate.

"Merely treat me as a human being, master. Or, failing that, treat me as any other mage would treat their familiar, which I assume is with care and respect, but also authority." Seeing she was not satisfied with this, Saito asked, "Surely my master is smart enough to figure things out for herself?" He smiled when she reacted precisely as he had guessed.

"But everything you say is so confusing!" Louise's wail actually frightened a few birds into flight, and she looked as though she were about to cry. Saito smiled gently, placed his hand on her shoulder, and closed in for the kill that would cement her opinion of him.

"There is a saying my homeland, master, that you may find helpful. Actions speak louder than words."

"We have a similar saying here," Louise grumped, "but I fail to see what it has to do with anything."

"Well, what my master must ask herself is this. Does my master think her beloved familiar," Louise snorted in annoyance, "_acts_ more like a noble would, or like a commoner would? For instance, clothing." He gestured at his own clothes, a simple short-sleeved shirt (he would later tell her it was called a t-shirt) and a pair of rough, blue pants (jeans).

"They don't look like what a noble would wear," Louise said thoughtfully, comparing them to her own fine uniform.

"Precisely," said Saito, pleased. "My master must ask herself what characteristics common clothes and noble clothes have. How worn are they? How clean are they? How simple are they? Would you see them worn by a commoner during a day's work, or by a noble out for a walk? And then she must see if her beloved familiar's clothes are more like a commoner's, or like a noble's."

"And that will tell your master whether her beloved familiar is a commoner or a noble?" Louise's voice dripped sarcasm as she pretended to adopt her familiar's patterns of speech, but she was eyeing his clothing closely, examining the hems, the stiches, the sleeves, and searching for any tears or patches that would mark lower quality weaving.

Saito smiled at her preoccupation. _Hook…_

"The clothes are a way of telling, yes, but they are not the only way." She looked at him curiously. "My master, to be thorough, would have to investigate many things about her familiar. How well fed does he appear? How hard does it look like he works? Does he act with the bearing of a noble or a commoner? Would a commoner," he held out his left wrist for inspection, and her eyes immediately latched onto the silver bracelet, "have something such as this?"

"So you are a noble," she said decisively.

"Of course not, master, there are many reasons I might, as a commoner, have this. It might be a family heirloom, or I might be the child of a wealthy merchant, or it may have been a gift for services rendered from a noble I am close to." He placed a hand on her shoulder and leaned in again, whispering in her ear. "I might even have stolen it." He smirked as a range of emotions crossed her face in quick succession. _Line…_

"Aaarrrrrgggh! You are so _frustrating_! Would it _kill_ you to just _tell_ me? In fact, familiar, as your master I _order_ you to give me a straight answer!" He smirked at Louise, who had flushed red in fury, waving her arm at him as though she wanted to hit him, but didn't quite dare. Then, Saito moved in for the kill that would cement his position in her eyes.

"Straight answers are so boring, master," he answered, wincing as she finally punched him in the shoulder. "Still, though, what my master should really wonder is this…would a commoner be smart enough to give my master such a tricky puzzle?" _Sinker,_ he thought as that made its way into her mind. He could see her finally classify him as a noble worthy of respect, since of course no commoner could play her for a fool. He'd have to work on breaking her of that belief when he had the chance.

_But only if I can't get home first,_ he corrected himself. They walked the rest of the way back to the castle in a mostly comfortable silence.

* * *

Hiraga Saito. Physical age: around the area of seventeen to nineteen. Actual age: uncertain, but not more than thirty.

Athletic ability: slightly below average, but has combat training. Academic ability: average, due to poor memory, but has skills in logic and composition.

Relationship status: non-committed long-term relationship, aka 'friends with benefits'. Comments: can be very charming and charismatic, but there's a certain point that he stops caring, and only goes through the motions. Still, he's good at figuring out what a girl likes.

Overall: Apparently positive, but may simply be good at concealing the negatives. Tentatively average.

Parents' evaluation: "You should study more instead of spending all your time with your friends. You're on the slow side, and you can't turn friends into a steady job."

Teacher's evaluation: "Ah, Hiraga-kun, he refuses to give up, and is willing to work around problems. A strong sense of curiosity, but not the best memory." *Special note—drama teacher's evaluation: "Saito-kun has a bad memory for scripts, but he's so phenomenal at improvisation that it rarely causes problems, and will easily work with any scenario he's given."

Basic training officer's evaluation: "Hiraga-san is a mild and personable person with few special skills outside the social arena. Within the social arena, he has proven himself very good at fitting in with various groups and endearing himself to people of different personalities, quickly earning their trust. This is tempered only by the occasional foot-in-mouth incident, which may or may not be intentional on his part.  
"Also, while he lacks the combat skills to ever be much more than a mediocre soldier, he has the personality for it, acting as a mediator between fellow squad mates. He also has what may be termed a 'split-personality killing instinct'. He is either willing to kill his target ruthlessly, or will be completely unwilling to do so and attempt to befriend them instead, with surprising success. He would do very well in Intelligence, but is unsuited for the front lines."

Saito's mind was slow to begin working, so he often would not comprehend a surprise event until a second or two later, but once he began thinking he could do so quickly and creatively. Thus, he did not think too deeply about most things, but thought very deeply about the few exceptions. He was willing to quickly accept and work with any scenario, and unwilling or unable to be thrown by sudden changes and revelations. He could quickly change his entire world-view as need be, but could also quickly change it _back_ should he get new information, or discover he was lied to.

Also, he had a fiercely competitive spirit similar to Louise's, but lacked the ambition to hone his full potential. Instead, he applied himself to the things he enjoyed and worked around those he couldn't, the way a river will flow around a rock instead of trying immediately smash it to pieces. Thus he became a skilled intelligence officer after entering that division, but never particularly bothered to develop the skills that would let him leave for greener pastures.

To be blunt, he did what he enjoyed, and was lazy about what he did not. Also, he did not always think before acting, but often thought very much before _reacting,_ coming off as a very passive person.

A very passive person, who was just given an entire new world to react to. Smiling faintly and rubbing his wrists, Saito recognized that his period of peace and quiet was over when he saw the castle gates, and began once more to plan.

* * *

"Master," he asked quietly as he and Louise walked into the main yard of the castle, "is it safe to assume that we will be living here for a while?"

"Yes," she answered bluntly, "students and their familiars stay at the school building for the whole year, except for holidays and vacations."

"Then will you require me to accompany you for the remainder of the day, or may I have permission to familiarize myself with the premises?" Louise blinked, not having been paying attention.

"What?" Saito took this as a sign that she was used to him enough that he could stop being so d***ed formal and polite for the moment.

"Do I stay with you, or can I look around?" he repeated more drily.

"Oh." She paused, eyebrows scrunching as she thought. Did she want to show off that she actually had a familiar, or hide the fact that she had such a pathetic looking familiar? "Yes, you are free to look around. Just don't make any trouble. Come find me in time for dinner," she added, hurrying off to class, and Saito didn't bother to mention that he didn't know where her room was. Instead he just watched her go.

Once Louise had turned a corner and was out of sight, he let the congenial smile slip off his face, slumped to the ground, and groaned.

"This is what I get for walking through strange portals." He sighed and thought back to just how he had gotten himself into this fustercluck, with almost no information or equipment.

_He'd been put on a month's leave because they were worried about him burning out, and he was enjoying the peace by making sure that there weren't any people around for him to use his skills on. Since it was forced leave, he didn't have his uniform or most of his equipment—including his talisman—but he'd managed to wheedle two prototypes in need of testing from R&D, arguing that he didn't have anything better to do._

_He'd been out hiking when an ellipse appeared in front of him, hanging in the air. While he was no student of sorcery, by any stretch of the term, he guessed it was either a portal or a barrier of some form. When nothing came through it after a few seconds, he eliminated portal. Then, when a tossed pebble disappeared into it while ones thrown around it continued unharmed, he eliminated barrier and went back to portal._

_If it's not something for someone to come find me, maybe I'm supposed to go through it, he thought. But then they would have sent him a message, telling him to return, and he hadn't received any. Then a more chilling thought occurred to him._

_What if this was an _enemy_ portal, and they were using this as a foothold in an invasion? The Acere Empire had unpleasantly surprised them a few times over the course war, and such portals would be a nasty trick to add to their armory. Saito felt that, on leave or not, he had to find out._

_To make sure it was safe, he poked the ellipse with a nearby branch, and then pulled it out unharmed. Touching it wasn't going to kill him._

_He pocketed his the prototype handheld he'd 'borrowed,' and stepped into the portal._

_He immediately regretted his curiosity, realizing that he should have thought more first. He was assailed by a shock, reminding him of a childhood fiasco where his mother bought a device that claimed to make children smarter by running an electric current through them. All it did was make him smart enough to break the device and pretend it still was shocking him._

_He opened his eyes, took a breath, coughed, and immediately froze. D***it. He hadn't considered whether the area on the other side of the portal was habitable, and worried that he got a lungful of toxic gas. He took a step back and discovered that the portal was one-way, but his actions were enough for him to realize that he was just caught in a dispersing pillar of smoke._

_Hearing voices but unable to understand what they were saying, he resolved to wait and see. The smoke cleared to reveal several teenagers, all obviously human, but none speaking a language he could understand. One in particular was standing at the edge of a circle he appeared to be in the center of, but had turned around and was arguing with an older man._

_His first thought, when she turned back around, was that the crown princess was playing a prank of some kind. They had the same build, and similar hair and eye colors, but he soon realized that it was a different girl of about the same age._

_She stalked towards him, but while she appeared angry, it was directed more towards the older man than at him. He noted that they all wore capes of some kind, which were probably part of a uniform, and guessed that they were still in a school of some kind._

_"What? Do you speak Japanese?" he asked, extending a hand as the girl approached. She swatted it away, and got too close for comfort, but didn't appear to be armed. Saito edged back, but she stopped a few inches from his face and began chanting something. A spell. He waited, eyeing her flushed cheeks furiously._

_And then she kissed him._

_Being slow to react to surprises, and thus hard to surprise, he didn't process what had happened until she had already pushed him away._

_"What was that about?" he wondered. It took him another moment to realize that the voices of the students around him had changed._

_"Who are you, commoner?" the girl asked imperiously._

_"I understood that," he noted, unwilling to give away more information until he knew what the hell was going on. He guessed she was part of whatever upper-class existed, and immediately decided that antagonism and demands would probably get him killed. It would be safer to act deferential, pump her for information by playing stupid, and then figure out what to do. "Translation spell?"_

_Before anyone could get any answers, the older man interrupted, commenting that the girl had performed the spell properly._

_Louise, Saito identified the girl as, had successfully cast 'Contract Servant'. That sounded like bad news to him._

_He listened to several of them go off on a tangent of insults until the professor reprimanded them, simultaneously confirming that these people were the nobility of their world. Then heat assailed him as harshly as shock had before._

_"The hell? Someone turn down the heat!" He thought it was someone casting a spell on him for fun, or because they were bored, but apparently not._

_"That's just the Familiar Runes. It will be over in a moment, you big baby."_

_"Who are you calling a baby, brat?" he snapped as the heat focused on his left hand. He realized belatedly that he had acted without thinking again, and tensed in case she attacked, but Louise seemed content to yell._

_"Who are you, commoner, to use such language in front of a noble?" the tiny girl asked archly. "I asked your name, did I not? Present yourself!"_

_He swallowed the impulse to demand an explanation of his own. Then the teacher strode over and grabbed his left hand, examining the runes on it. This only confirmed Saito's status in the world—servile like any of the other animals he noticed around the clearing._

_After another moment, the professor ordered everyone back to the school, which he presumed was the castle in the distance._

_Wands, wizards, and a school in a castle. I wonder what else is like Harry Potter, Saito mused, and checked to make sure that the girl who summoned him didn't have any visible marks or scars. As he watched the other students disappear into the distance, he decided on a course of action._

_1) Play the idiot and find out as much as possible about the caste system and the land, as well as what's happened._

_2) Raise his "master's" opinion of him, possibly by convincing her that he was a foreign noble, while not specifying a lie that could come back to bite him._

_3) Plan more about how to get home._

_Cutting her off before she could ask again, he offered his name, "Hiraga Saito."_

And now, here he was, in a strange castle in a strange land with no idea of how to get home.

"Alright," he grunted, recollecting himself. "Approach this logically. What do I know? I'm in a world with magic, but apparently a medieval level of technology and caste system. I've been bound to a sorceress as a familiar, which is apparently unheard of for humans. I have no way to return home, and no idea of where home _is_ in relation to here. And if I'm not back within a month I'll probably be declared AWOL and they'll put out a warrant for my arrest." He sighed.

"Alright, pluses. I have…" He trailed off and stared at his left wrist, remembering the bracelet. A flick of his wrist later and he had pulled a white plastic rectangle about the size and shape as a large calculator from the subspace pocket the bracelet maintained. The held held computer he'd agreed to field test it during his vacation. His first action was to try to send a message home.

"This thing can get a signal through Jupiter's atmosphere, but not here on a clear day?" he grumbled. "I guess I'm really not in Kansas anymore." In a few moments he had set up written lists, hoping that even if someone got their hand on this, they would be unable to operate or read it.

Resources:

*Multi-purpose portable computer (experimental and with no signal) Solar powered

*Bracelet creating a subspace-pocket and equipped with ten pre-stored spells that are non-replenishable.

*Prior experience with Infiltration and Information missions.

*(Potentially) the respect of a 'master' who is a member of the nobility. Will have to check how important a "duke" is.

Saito sighed. It wasn't a lot to work with, but it was more than what he'd had once or twice before, assuming that the experimental gadgets didn't break down. But while they were taught to prepare for the worst case-scenario, he was of the opinion that if the worst case-scenario occurred often enough to be worried about, then they would have already died anyway.

That, and a _real_ worst-case scenario couldn't be prepared for. So he saved and started the next list.

Objective: return home before being declared AWOL. Failing that, live a good life here.

* Find out where _here_ is and how I got here.

* If magic brought me then it can presumably bring me back.

* Here appears to be an earthlike planet with (assumed) humans. Since this is not like any part of the empire I have encountered, it is probably a different reality.

+ If it is merely an alternate timeline then there should still be similarities between our worlds that I can use to my advantage (note: Louise looks similar to the crown princess—look for other lookalikes).  
+ If it is a completely alternate universe that only bears similarities by chance, then I can use the differences in our development to earn myself respect and favor, hopefully.  
- It might also be that this is some form of complicated illusion or hallucination that has either natural causes or is induced for some reason. If so, then there is no way for me to know so I might as well run with it instead of giving myself a **worse** mental breakdown.

On that rather depressing note Saito decided to end the list until further notice. Overthinking things was an excellent way to defeat yourself, which was why he never was bothered by his own occasional lack of thought.

You could plan things until your brain fried, but having the ability to put those plans into actions was a very different thing. Furthermore, he had witnessed time and again that the tighter a plan is, the easier it is to knock irreparably off course with one small wrench, which often made his job very easy. He started the last list.

Things to do:

* Find out social norms so I know how not to get myself killed.

* Make contacts who are willing to help me and give me more information.

* Try to attract the attention and interest of a mage powerful and intelligent enough to try sending me home (and moral enough not to experiment on me).

* Find out what ways I can use this new place to help our war effort.

* If I can't get home, make efforts toward a fulfilling life here.

* Work to make the 'master' easier to live with and find out what being a familiar entails. If she hasn't changed by the time there's a solid enough base to strike out alone, run away. Kill her if necessary. Otherwise, befriend and cooperate with her. Find out what she likes, what she wants, and what she expects.

Saito nodded to himself and saved. Louise seemed malleable and gullible enough that he could make her easier to live with, within reason. For that matter, if there wasn't a way to track someone with a familiar bond he could just run away and not kill her.

He put the handheld back in his subspace pocket and rose. Then he took a moment to glance at his bracelet and the ten black gems hanging from it. _If someone thought it would be funny to switch around the order of the spells, I'm going to switch around the order of their insides._ After all, the stored spells were the closest thing to a trump card he had, and such pranks were not unheard of from R&D.

Saito sighed, enjoying the quiet for a minute more. At the moment the easiest thing to do would be to start making friends. And if there was one thing he knew, it was that servant workers were always invaluable in places like these.

He stood up and began looking for the kitchens.

* * *

Flagging down a maid in the halls quickly got him to the kitchens, where he began helping with general work while telling his story. His genial demeanor, combined with the story about how a noble had bound him into _magical_ servitude (cue appropriate gasps of scandalized horror) had earned him a number of friends.

The most important of these was probably Marteau, the head chef, who had commiserated with him over working under the haughty pigs. The man had burst out laughing when Saito told the story about how he'd earned Louise's respect—convincing her that he was a noble by repeatedly telling her he wasn't. "It's just like them," Marteau had chuckled, "to be so certain the sky is green that they never look up." That had gotten a round of laughter.

Saito was snacking on an apple, and had insisted on helping wash and dry dishes in payment while telling his story a bit at a time. Then someone asked an inevitable question.

"Mr. Hiraga," a slightly timid girl asked.

"Saito," he corrected with an easy smile. "We're all in the same boat here, right?" She flushed and nodded.

"Mr. Saito, what was your homeland like?" Everyone paused, listening for the answer.

"Well, what do you want to know?" There was a beat, and then several people blurted questions at once.

"Do the nobles rule there too?"

"What was your job back there?"

"Did you leave family behind?"

"What was your life like?"

"Easy, easy," he cried, waving his dishtowel in mock surrender. "One at a time, okay? To start, yes, there's nobility in my homeland, but not all of them are mages. And not all mages are nobles, either."

"Really?"

"Yes," Saito confirmed. "In fact, magic has almost nothing to do with leadership there, and until a few years ago there were almost no mages in the government."

"What happened?" someone asked, latching onto the, 'until a few years ago.'

"War happened," Saito said darkly. "A war happened and mages got a lot of power because they were the only ones who could act effectively against the enemy. Most of our government got gutted, so the ones who could lead, protect, and fight did."

"Sounds right," Marteau said gruffly. "They took advantage of the fighting to seize power, and you either obeyed or died. They don't sound so different from our nobles." There was a chorus of agreements, but a handful of the servants noticed Saito go very still, and his face blanked.

"Marteau, I'd like for us to be friends, but if you ever insult my queen like that again I'll beat you senseless," Saito said coldly. The room went quiet. "My Queen and her court ran themselves ragged the entire war, fighting enemies and healing the wounded. The didn't take power, they were given it because they were the _only_ people who _everyone_ trusted to have it. Her Majesty is one of the kindest, most compassionate people I have ever known and I will not listen to her be insulted by people who've never even heard her name."

"I'm…sorry," the man admitted. "I guess I was out of line. I know I wouldn't like to hear people talk about princess Henrietta like that."

"It's not just that," Saito said, defrosting slightly, "it's that she wasn't a noble before the war began." That got a reaction.

"Not a noble! What do you mean?"

"She was raised a commoner like us, the daughter of an artist and a housewife. According to her close friends, all she wanted growing up was a happy marriage and children. She took the throne because without her leadership we would have been wiped out during the war, and she was the only person everyone would be willing to follow." There was a pause as people considered this. Then someone latched onto another tidbit he had dropped.

"You said you knew what her friends said about her," a woman noted. "What did you do back in your homeland. Did you ever actually meet her?"

"Several times, though rarely for very long" Saito admitted with a smile. "I wasn't a noble, in the sense of governing, or of magic, but before the war I was friends with the prince—her majesty's younger brother. Later I signed up to serve in the army after my father died. I didn't fight on the front lines, but I climbed through the ranks and was important enough that I would occasionally get jobs from her majesty herself, and spoke with her on a few occasions, as well as several members of her court."

"You were a soldier?"

"I was a spy," Saito corrected, telling the truth for the sake of his reputation. He wouldn't realize until later exactly how _stupid_ he was being. "I'd sneak into the enemy's castle, steal their treasures, listen in on their plans," _and slit their throats,_ he added silently. "I was good enough that my queen could trust me with high priority jobs."

"That's so cool," a maid squealed, blushing.

"Thank you," Saito said with a flirtatious smile, making her blush even harder. "Anyway, on to the next question. Yes, I left family behind. My father died in the war, but my mother is still alive, and my little sister is married. I might have a new niece or nephew by the time I get home." People cooed appropriately. "All in all, I'd say I had a good life back home, but there's potential for just as good a life here. Especially with such close friends." He mockingly raised a soapy glass in toast, and everyone started chuckling.

"You've got a friend in me," Marteau laughed, slapping him on the back. Saito smirked back.

"So, since I'm going to be here a while, I was wondering if anyone could fill me in on all the gossip. Which students are nice, which should I avoid, what are the teachers like, etc." He paused. "Actually, it occurs to me that I know almost nothing about my new master. Anyone care to fill me in?"

* * *

The gossip session had been fruitful, Saito reflected as he paced the halls of the castle. He paused in a nook and pulled out the i-com to list what he had learned. He had the names of several students who might be promising leads toward getting home, through either their own ability or family connections. He also had a list of a few teachers whose interest he could probably catch.

Most importantly, he had valuable information on his master. "Louise the Zero," he mused, and chuckled at the irony. Admittedly this world's magic seemed different from his own, but if there were any similarities at all, then her continuous explosions were a good thing. _And a hook to get in her good graces,_ Saito considered.

If her problem was power, then she had too much of it, because too little would just cause nothing to happen. In that case, he could tell her about a few of the higher-level spells he'd heard of, termed 'mana dumps' because they relied almost solely on power with very little control, and help her try to recreate them.

If, instead, she had some lack of control that caused everything in her magic to go haywire, he could run her through some control exercises he'd seen people perform, hopefully with good results.

And if, due to some curiosity of birth or nature, she simply tended towards explosions instead of other abilities, then he could d*** well teach her to use explosions as best as possible. Regardless, giving her help that had any results at all would have her eating out his palm, and would be a chance to reshape her into someone easier to get along with. According to rumor, she was a rather rude—but not cruel or abusive—spitfire who came from one of the more powerful families in Tristain (the name of the country). No doubt she felt she had some rather large shoes to fill.

The bell rang four times, and students began filling the halls. Saito began looking for his new master.

* * *

Apparently, Louise had been badly teased during several of her classes, as she was in a foul mood when he found her. He stayed by her side as she grumbled, letting her simply become accustomed to his presence. She berated him several times, which he accepted with his bland smile, and at dinner banished him to the courtyard with the other animals.

Saito snuck away and spent an enjoyable meal in the kitchens again, before returning quickly enough that Louise didn't miss him. He also used the opportunity to scope out the other familiars. Some appeared to be normal animals: cats, dogs, birds, and a snake. Some were more impressive: a small blue dragon, an octopus-like creature, a floating eyeball, and a fiery lizard. All of them seemed friendly, and didn't attempt to reenact the food chain.

_Probably a side effect of being a familiar,_ he mused. _They wouldn't work very well if they were completely wild still, so the spell domesticates them as well._ He idly worried what the magic was doing to him, but decided not to care too much, since he couldn't change it.

Dinner ended, and Louise grumpily ordered him to follow her to her room, while several people ribbed her about her odd familiar. Common consensus was that she was paying him to act as a familiar and hide her failure, it seemed. He waited around idly as she worked on an essay, and eventually asked if he could explore the grounds again. She barely paid attention, waving him away with an unintelligible grunt.

Saito scanned the corridors as he walked, looking for one particular student. The description would make her easily recognizable, but her personality would make her hard to find. Luck was with him, and he saw the girl sitting under a tree. Then he got a better look at her and his eyebrows rose.

_Dear lord, she's like Lady Urawa in miniature._ Tabitha, rumored to be the genius of the school, had more in common with the head of Research and Development than just intelligence. _Glasses, check. Head buried in a book, check. Her hair is a lighter shade of blue, but check. All alone, check. And apparently they're both geniuses. Though I don't think Lady Urawa ever used a dragon as a cushion,_ he added, noting her familiar. That she had called and bound such a powerful animal was probably another sign of genius, and she would almost certainly be of some help in his quest to return home.

Saito knew from experience that the worst way to approach the stereotypical genius-loner was directly. It was best to just be in the area and do something that caught their interest, letting them approach first. His eye fell on a group of three noble girls giggling on the far side of the courtyard, and he walked over with a polite smile.

"I beg your pardon, ladies, but I was wondering if I could beg a boon of thee." He bowed low. The blonde in the middle looked up and opened her mouth to dismiss him, but paused. She recognized him.

"You're that commoner Louise is calling a familiar, aren't you?" She asked, ringlets bouncing.

"Guilty as charged, ma'am," he said with a bow. "I was wondering if you could give me a little charity."

"Go look elsewhere for money, or tell Zero to pay you more for this charade," sniffed the brunette.

"Not money, milady," he corrected with a polite smile, "information."

"Oh?"

"My master wanted me out of her hair while she worked on an essay, so she told me to go find some things out for her. I doubt she'll really care whether I do or not, but I'd rather obey if I can."

"What did the Zero want to know?"

"I was wondering if you had any stories to tell about the lady over there," he said, pointing to Tabitha. The girls shared a few looks, and Saito prompted them a bit. "I've heard that she is considered a genius, but also a loner. I just don't know much of anything else."

"Well," said a brunette, shivering slightly, "she really is a genius. Her and Kirche both are already triangle mages." That got murmurs of surprise from the other two girls as well.

"Really? Are you sure, Thonet?" asked the third girl, whose blonde hair was tied in a bun.

"Yes, I saw them in action," Thonet whispered. "It's the reason her and Kirche became friends."

"I always wondered about that," the blonde with ringlets wondered, stroking her frog familiar. "Didn't they fight a duel last year?"

"A duel? Over what?" Saito asked, smelling an in and smiling charmingly. He may have been a commoner, but Thonet blushed under his look.

"It was sort of a set-up," she confessed. "A bunch of us were angry at Kirche for poaching boys, and at Tabitha for being so smart. It didn't help that she almost killed De Lorraine in a duel."

"So you set them up to fight each other?" the blonde-with-ringlets asked.

"We tried, Montmorency, but it failed pretty badly." Montmorecy frowned and petted her frog.

"Wait, is that when you got hung naked from the bell tower?"

"Yes, but never tell anyone I said that," Thonet admitted, eyeing Tabitha worriedly. "Kirche threatened to do worse if we told."

"What could she do?" asked the bun-haired girl, petting a mouse that was probably her familiar.

"Aletta, I'd rather not find out," Thonet said worriedly.

"If my lady doesn't mind, I would dearly love to hear this story," Saito said gently. Over the next half hour, with coaxing from him and her two friends, the tale emerged. Saito latched onto several important details.

Tabitha was a skilled wind user, (whatever 'triangle mage' meant) and had been even before coming to the school. She was a loner who loved books. She had one friend, which she had made over fighting and revenge. And most importantly, she reacted very badly to insults against her mother.

"Now that we've told you a story," Montmorency said, "why don't you tell us how you came to work for Louise. How much is she paying you to pretend to be her familiar?" Saito raised an eyebrow.

"As disappointed as you may be to hear this, my master really did summon me with the familiar ritual. I was walking in the country in my homeland when a portal appeared in front of me, and when I stepped through I found myself in the clearing."

"Really. And where is your homeland?" asked Thonet. "I remember you spoke gibberish when you first arrived, and people with your looks aren't very common."

"Have you ever heard of Japan? No? Well to be honest, I've never seen Tristain or Halgenkia on a map at home, either. Perhaps if I could see one of your maps I would recognize something?" Aletta produced a wand with a smile and bent over, her mouse familiar scurrying onto her shoulder.

"I am Aletta the Loam," she announced proudly. "Such a creation is well within my abilities." She touched her wand to the ground and chanted, finishing with the command, "Mold." The dirt rippled for a moment and rearranged itself into a rough map that vaguely resembled Europe.

Well, if you tilted your head and squinted.

"This peninsula, the one shaped like a boot. What is its name?" Saito inquired.

"Romalia, which is Halgenkia's spiritual capital," Montmorency answered. He smiled.

_Romalia and Germania. Yes, this is definitely similar to Europe. Which means…_ "I recognize a little of this. I believe my homeland lies farther to the east."

"The East! You come from the Holy Lands?"

_Holy lands in their version of the middle eastern area, probably showing similarities to Judeo-Christianity, or maybe Islam._ "Even further east, I believe." Saito quickly used his finger to trace out the Asian continent, and then added Japan in. "In ancient times we called our home the land of the rising sun," he explained. "Thank you very much for your assistance, ladies," he added, standing. "I believe I should probably return to my master now, but I will no doubt encounter you again. Good evening." With another bow, he walked off.

* * *

_A bed of straw? Really?_ Saito was walking the halls late at night, examining the castle in the moonlight. _Well, I guess I won't change her opinion in day. It's like building Rome._ He sighed, and then something caught his eye. Up on a balcony several floors above him a short figure had curled up and was reading a book in the moonlight. With a little searching he caught a glimpse of a dragon flying in the night.

_Well, today may be even more productive than I hoped, if I can get an in with Tabitha,_ he thought to himself, and headed towards the kitchens. _First, I need a little dragon bait to keep from being menaced._

A few minutes later Saito, carrying a basket in one hand, walked onto the balcony Tabitha inhabited. She didn't react to his presence and he didn't announce himself, simply walking over to the edge. He laid the basket on the ground, sat down next to it, and leaned his back against the railing. Without a word he pulled out his handheld and began playing a game of chess with the stylus.

For almost half an hour there was not a word spoken between the two of them, neither acknowledging the other's existence. Finally, Tabitha marked her page, closed her book, and turned to look at him. There was a whoosh of displaced air as the dragon landed on the railing between them. Without missing a beat or looking up from the game Saito reached into the basket and produced a cold drumstick left over from the nobles' dinner.

The blue dragon immediately perked up and snatched it out of the air when he tossed it. It mewled happily, swallowed, and looked down at Saito with large, doleful eyes. He tossed it a chunk of bread while continuing to play chess. Tabitha blinked at him.

"Thank you," she said quietly. He looked up at her and raised an eyebrow questioningly. "For Sylphiel."

"My pleasure," Saito answered with a smile. Tabitha turned to look at the rectangle in his hands.

"Doing?"

"Something from my homeland," Saito answered. "I'm using it to play a game. Would you like to play?"

"What game?"

"Chess." Apparently the game was known here, because Tabitha scooted slightly closer. Saito reset the game for two humans and chose black, letting her move first. For a time the only sound was the clicking as they moved their pieces in miniature war. Then Tabitha finally won, and jolted in surprise when the computer let out a trill of congratulatory music.

"Trumpets?"

"It's enchanted to do a lot of things," Saito answered. "It can play music, it can store books to read, it can even scan and observe things in the real world."

"Scan?" Saito obligingly turned the handheld so that the scanner was facing him and clicked for it to begin. There was a hum and a flicker of red light, and after a few moments he handed it back to her to read what it said about him. She stared at his image on the screen for a moment and then glanced at the characters next to it. "Language." He laughed nervously.

"Sorry about that. I forgot it wouldn't display your language." Saito scooted closer to her and pointed out the paragraphs and what they said. "This one describes my body. Height, weight, approximate age, blood type, general health, scars, not a mage, etc. This talks about my clothes: what they're made of, how worn they are, whether or not they're enchanted, and how clean they are."

"Thorough," Tabitha said simply.

"Yes," Saito agreed. He paused, and then decided to get a bit more aggressive. "I had a reason for approaching you. Several, actually. Would you like to hear them, or should I go away?"

"Hear," Tabitha answered dully, not even shrugging.

"The first was that everyone said you were a genius and a skilled mage, so I thought you might be my best chance of getting home. Then, when I saw you, I realized you were almost exactly like someone I knew back home, and wanted to gather some more information. And now that we've talked a little, I genuinely want to get to know you better."

"Talked?" Tabitha deadpanned, and he couldn't tell if she were smiling or not.

"The way someone plays chess can say a lot about them. For instance, I can tell that you love your mother very much." Saito had to steel himself to keep from flinching when Tabitha's staff was instantly at his throat, and he could almost feel the spell she was on the verge of releasing.

_She really is a soldier,_ he thought to himself smugly. _I barely saw her move, and she went from curious to combat-ready almost instantly. And her eyes are like ice…she's seen far too much fighting for someone her age._ There was a long stretch of silence between them, and then Tabitha, her voice like frost, spoke.

"How?"

"Back home I was a member of the army," Saito said calmly. "Not the front-line fighters, but the intelligence services. It was my job to find things out quickly. Would you like to know what I know?" Tabitha just narrowed her eyes. "Very well, then.

"You had a relatively happy childhood when you were very young, but when you got older politics caught your family in its web and things began to turn sour. Your father is gone, and your mother may as well be for all that you see of her. You were always smart and powerful, but from a young age you were put in dangerous, life-threatening situations, and you had to grow up quickly.

"Moreover, you had to get better quickly. Stronger, faster, more skilled. I'd even go so far as to say that you had to be the best. You come from wealth but there have been periods in your life when you've gone with little or no food, as well as little or no sleep. Similarly, you've fought against people and things that want you dead for a long time, and you've been winning, because you can't afford what will happen if you lose.

"Because of this, and because of all you've been through, you generally feel that you can't trust people, or even be bothered to try, but you have one or two confidants who will guard your back should you need it." He broke off as Tabitha looked at him for a long moment. Then she spoke again, her voice like creeping frost.

"If you've hurt Kirche, I will kill you." Saito blinked. He had not been expecting that.

"I'm sorry, but who is Kirche and why would I have hurt her?" A small flicker of confusion passed through the bluenette's icy eyes, and she leaned back slightly.

"You were only summoned today, and you were from no land known to us, as evidenced by your language and your need for magical assistance to return home, rather than simple travel," Tabitha began. It was probably more words than she spoke to most people in a year. Her voice sounded scratchy from disuse.

"Quite true," Saito told her.

"Therefore you can have had no prior information on myself or my life, and must have received knowledge from other people. Kirche is my friend, and the only one who knows anywhere near as much of my life, except possibly for Headmaster Osmond. She also would never have willingly betrayed my trust and given that information to you, so you either read her mind or took it from her by force. Since you clearly cannot read minds…" Tabitha trailed off, and her staff nudged his throat. "Now I want to know what you did to her."

"Absolutely nothing," Saito swore, calmly. "I've never even met her. I figured out everything I just said through observing you and hearing a story from your classmates. As a sign of trust, I am willing to tell you how." She just nodded coldly.

"Speak quickly."

"First, I figured out that you were a genius simply by asking people about any exceptional students in the school. Then I observed you earlier when you were reading in the courtyard, and asked other student if they had any interesting stories, which resulted in the story of your duel with…oh, so _that's_ who Kirche was. I knew the name sounded familiar." Tabitha nodded slightly and relaxed, letting her staff slightly drift away from his throat. the feeling of ice in the air, however, persisted.

"Continue."

"Of course. Finding out which insult you reacted to, combined with observing your actions, was enough for me to guess that your parents were no longer with you. I guessed that something had happened to your mother after your father had died, but that you still—obviously—loved her dearly. You would not have reacted as you did in most other cases. Since you are a noble, it was simple to guess that it had to do with politics. Then I moved onto the fact that you were skilled." Saito paused for breath, and then raised a hand and pushed her staff away. Tabitha let him, but he could tell that there was a spell ready to flash-freeze him if she chose.

"Skill like you showed in your duel doesn't show up without practice," he continued "no matter how great a genius you may be. Not only that, but you had the discipline not to show off or react to less important insults. From prior experiences in my life, I concluded that you had some form of military training, and likely had seen live combat. But no matter how genius you may be, the only reason that would be at your age is if your commander were trying to get you killed. Given how withdrawn you are, I judged that it was not an isolated incident. And lastly, you're tiny."

"…Tiny?" Saito noted that Tabitha kept her eyes on him, instead of examining her body the way most teenage girls would when the subject was brought up.

"You're fifteen, maybe sixteen, but you look twelve or thirteen. Even if shortness runs in your family, the most likely way to get to that extreme was if you weren't always fed well—malnourishment. Another sign that someone was trying to get you killed. Lastly, you are awake and reading right now, despite it being late and a school night. That is evidence that you might suffer insomnia, possibly from bad memory-induced nightmares, and are used to functioning without much rest." He simply watched for Tabitha's reaction, and idly tossed a rind of cheese to Sylphiel, who happily gulped it down. She cocked her head, thinking.

"Wrong," she said finally. Saito blinked.

"Really? What about?"

"Sleep. No class tomorrow. Bond with familiars."

"Oh, there's no class tomorrow so you can stay up late safely." He sighed and yawned. "Well, there go my plans to sleep all day tomorrow. It was afternoon where I was summoned, and morning when I got here, so I've been awake for about twenty-two hours or more."

"Summoned from?" Tabitha asked.

"My homeland is called Japan, but you won't find it on any map. I haven't told anyone else, but I'm from a completely different world. That's why I need to go back magically, instead of ordinary travel."

"Different world?"

"Yes. I was pretty sure before, but after the sun set I was certain. My world only has one moon." Tabitha just looked on silently, her eyes not flicking up to the two orbs in the night sky. _She's definitely a veteran_. "My world has had some experience with alternate realms and planes, but this is the first time I know of that anyone has encountered an entire other universe. Which makes me wonder if there isn't some connection, considering the similarities."

"Similarities?"

"The first thing I thought when I was summoned was that Louise was a dead ringer for our crown princess. Not so much our queen, but I guess there could be some twisted reflection aspect, considering that you and she are the same age." Tabitha looked at him for a long time, and then tilted her head slightly to signal that he should continue. "If you want more answers, you're going to have to ask a question, Miss Tabitha."

"Tabitha," she corrected quietly. "I look like someone?"

"Not someone I knew very well, but yes. Lady Urawa is a member of Her Majesty's court, and the head of our research and development bureau. Like you, she's a rather withdrawn genius who specializes in ice magic. You even have the same eye and hair color, though her hair is darker than yours. The fact that you act like she was said to at that age was what clued me in to the fact that your parents weren't with you, and that you had seen combat before." He let the silence hang in the air for a moment, and Tabitha spoke again.

"What happened to her?" Saito flashed another friendly and triumphant smile.

"When she was very young her parents separated. She lived with her mother while her father moved far away, and she rarely saw him. Her mother was a prominent healer and thus was busy for most of her childhood, so she had to take care of herself most of the time. She rarely made any friends, because she was smart and because she was shy. And then she met our queen when she was fourteen."

"And?" Tabitha asked, enthralled.

"Well first, you need a little backstory. My world had almost no mages in it for a long time. They died during a war and the art of magic was lost for a long time. Then someone rediscovered it and tried to take over the world. Her Majesty also rediscovered her magic, and worked to stop them, because non-magical people couldn't fight magical threats very well. But she needed help. So she looked for others with magic."

"She found them?"

"Mostly. The main ones she found were her own age. Then these teenagers, still children in a sense, had to go to war against the evil sorcerers trying to take over. It was naturally a traumatic experience, but they persevered. And in doing so, they eventually brought magic back into the mainstream. But I've heard several of them lament their own lack of a childhood. In a way, you almost have it easy." There was a long pause as Saito waited for Tabitha to rebuke him. Instead, she nodded in understanding.

"If I fail, my mother and I die. If they failed, the country would fall and hundreds would die."

"Thousands," Saito agreed. "I've seen what that does to people, and no one deserves that. So if I can, I want to help you, and you can help me return home."

"I'm not sure I can," Tabitha admitted.

"Then you can be my friend and help me live a good life here," Saito said, smiling warmly. "I'm flexible, and there are worse fates. And in exchange I can help you, but I have to know what's wrong first." There was a long pause as she mulled this over. Saito stood. "I don't expect you to trust me right away, considering everything you must have been through, but if I can help I will be happy to. You can talk to me any time." He turned and began walking away, silently counting to himself. _Three…Two…_

"Wait," Tabitha said quietly. _Bingo._ Saito turned back and made a questioning noise. Tabitha took a deep breath. "What do you know about potions?" Sensing her distress, Sylphiel nudged her master and crooned comfortingly. Tabitha stroked the dragon's head.

"Enough," Saito replied. "I'm no expert, but I suspect our worlds' approaches to potions are different as well. That being said, I know quite a bit about medicine, and part of my scanner is designed for medical use. Even if I don't know how to do it, I could probably find out what needs to be done. What type of potion?"

"Madness," Tabitha said darkly, and Saito could see her face twist with hate and regret. "My mother was given a potion that drove her insane. She doesn't even recognize me anymore." A single tear slid down her cheek.

"It was meant for you, wasn't it?" Tabitha stared at him, shocked and horrified by the casual observation. "You feel guilty for some reason, and it's written all over her face." Saito moved closer, kneelt down next to Tabitha, and placed a hand on her shoulder. "I don't know exactly what happened, but unless you brewed the potion and poured it down her throat with your own two hands, _it is not your fault._ The fact that you feel so horrible about it is evidence enough, because I can _guarantee_ that whoever did it does _not_."

Tabitha pulled in a strangled breath. "A party. Someone handed me a drink. My mother recognized it...drank it before I could."

_And I can easily think of a dozen ways that idiot could have handled it better,_ Saito very carefully did not say. "Do you know how the potion drove her mad? What it was, specifically?"

"No," see whispered, "but I think it was elf-made. There may not be a cure."

"Do you know how it worked?" Tabitha looked at him.

"She drank it, and it drove her insane." the girl answered bluntly, and pushed his hand off her shoulder.

"Yes, but do you know how it drove her insane? Even magic has to _do_ something to cause insanity. Did it target her brain? Her nerves? Was it only one dose or has she been given more since?"

"I…don't know," Tabitha admitted. "It was just the one dose. She's in care at my family's home now, and our servants would never betray her."

"Assuming it really was only the one dose, instead of her being slipped other doses when you aren't looking, then you don't need an antidote. This was several years ago, right?"

"Don't need an antidote?"

"If it was the magic of the potion driving her insane, then you would need an antidote to counter-act the magic. But then she would need to be dosed again, because the magic would fade over time and she'd recover on her own. Since she hasn't that means that the potion did something to her that lasted even after the effects were gone, such as hurt her brain. You need a healing potion that will fix what ever it did."

"How? Which? Too many healing potions."

"Simple," Saito answered, standing again and holding out his hand, the other gesturing with the computer. "I scan her with this and tell you what's wrong, and you find the potion you need. Or if she _is_ being dosed again, I'll find that out, tell you, and you can make whoever is doing it stop." There was a long stretch of silence, and Saito was pleased to see something in the girl's eyes: hope.

"I owe you one," Tabitha declared. She took his hand, and Saito pulled her to her feet.

"Don't thank me before I've helped," he said. "It may be that I'm wrong about something. But any plan is better than none." He yawned. "Goodnight, Lady Tabitha. I'm going to go rejoin my master." He left the balcony.

* * *

Closing the door to Louise's room behind him, Saito considered the events of the day. _I might not get home on time after all, _he mused, _but this is big enough that'll I'll probably be forgiven._ He paused, thinking of a blonde woman garbed in gold, with brilliant blue eyes. _Well, forgiven by the queen, at least. Maybe not by taicho__, if she goes nookie-less too long. Still, I've learned a lot about this new world. There are almost infinite opportunities. I already have Tabitha eating out of my hand, and my master may hopefully be next._ The familiar chuckled._ If I'm not careful, I might even take over the world._ Saito sighed one final time, and fell onto his bed of straw. He was asleep in seconds.

* * *

Author's Note: Saito's manipulative, but not heartless. He really does feel sorry for Tabitha, and will help her if he can. Louise...not so much. He'd want to make her a better person before he does anything for her, but his familiar runes may change that.

Saito can't use magic, in the sense of casting, but his bracelet is obviously enchanted, and will be useful later on. But while he doesn't know magic, he **does** know mages and some magical theory because of his job in his home world. That being said, he still doesn't know much about the world he's in, and is stuck having to make a name for himself and get home without giving away what could be considered 'sensitive' information. He also, obviously, doesn't know about gandalfr yet.

One last thing: I'm officially sinking the SaitoLouise ship. They will have a close relationship, but it will strictly be platonic and/or familial (unless I'm trolling you). That being said, he will teach her to stand on her own two feet, so expect training sessions in the not-so-distant future. I haven't yet plotted out far enough to know who Saito will be with so I'll open it to the characters I like: Tabitha, Siesta, Henrietta, Agnes, and Cattleya. I might not listen to your votes, but if you give me ideas I might give you an omake. I also accept suggestions for who Louise ends up with.

Review, even if it's anonymous, or just to say you liked it. I need encouragement in this genre.


	2. Chapter 2

Hello, ladies and gentlemen. I honestly was surprised by the reaction this got, and am a little sorry for not updating earlier. Only one chapter, but it got a lot of reviews and favorites. I'm flattered. And a little embarrassed that the thing I started to break writer's block has more fans than some of my more serious stories. Even so, the mob has spoken.

Anyway, I'm still willing to accept votes on who Saito will end up with, but I've mostly made up my mind already. It just isn't going to happen for a long time yet. I've also decided who I'll be shipping Louise with, which I'm pretty sure hasn't been done before. Or at least, not done very well. But shipping isn't going to happen for a while. Start looking for it around chapter ten or so, I estimate.

I'd also like to assure my readers that this is _not_ going to just copy and follow the original Familiar of Zero plot. I've seen too many stories where nothing actually changes except the names and some bad-assery, but the plot is essentially the same. I will completely _derail_ cannon at a certain point, and you will know it when you see it, but I have to build up to it first. And to be honest, I've done some reading, and I'm shocked no one else thought of it first.

But I'm gloating instead of letting you read, so I'll stop now and leave you to the story. As always, I don't own Familiar of Zero or anything else this story references. If I did, it wouldn't be so trite and repetitive, and the main characters would actually get development. Also, Devastator is a reference from The Measure of a Titan by General Havoc. Try it. It rocks.

* * *

"Wake up you lazy dog!"

"Mnah, master," Saito complained, raising a hand to halfheartedly block her attempts to kick him, "is this an appropriate way to treat your familiar?"

"You said to treat you as a commoner, so I shall," Louise replied archly. "And noble or not you are still a _headache._ Where were you last night when I was preparing for bed?"

"Familiarizing myself with the castle," he replied, rising to his feet. If he were a loli, Saito would have to admit that Louise looked rather fetching in her demure, white nightgown. _Considering how cute she is, it's probably for the better that she's violent. If she'd woken me up with some cutesy baby-sister routine I probably would have gone into insulin shock._

"Didn't you spend all afternoon familiarizing yourself with the castle?"

"It's a rather large castle," Saito replied, and remembered to add on, "master." Louise humphed.

"Regardless, in the future I expect you to be present and aid me with such tasks as you can fulfill. There's laundry for you to wash in the corner," she added, pointing. "Now dress me."

Saito raised an eyebrow, seeing her pull off her nightgown. "Is that entirely appropriate, master?"

"How could it be inappropriate? You are my familiar—my servant. A noble will never robe themselves if there are servants to aid them."

"I am still a guy," Saito replied, but he moved to help her dress anyways. _If this is the norm, I might as well. It still seems a bit odd, though._

"You are still my familiar. What have I to fear?" Louise replied, slipping into a blouse. "It is not as though you will be overcome with lust for my body, is it?"

"Of course not," Saito answered without thinking, "I've seen much better."

Rubbing the mark Louise had left as they exited a few minutes later, he reflected that he _had _to start thinking more. It would save him some bruises.

There were three other doors in the hall besides Louise's. Just then, one of them opened, and a girl stepped out.

_Exotic,_ Saito thought to himself. _I wonder if she's naturally tan, or if she's descended from someone on a different continent._ The girl was tall, with dusky brown skin and brilliant red hair, and was very well endowed. He swept his eyes up and down briefly, and settled back on her face. _I've seen better, but not much._

"Louise, good morning to you," the girl called with a grin. Instead of answering back politely, Saito noted, his master grit her teeth and replied shortly.

"Von Zerbst. Good morning."

"And this is your familiar? Well, it really is a human. How odd," she mused, stepping to the side of her doorway. "A proper familiar is like this. Flame!" A brilliant lizard waddled into the hallway, appearing to smile eagerly at everyone.

"A salamander," Louise grunted, impressed despite herself. It was larger than most dogs and produced a wave of heat just by walking into the hallway.

"Yes, and do you see its skin and the flame on its tail? This is a salamander from the Fire Dragon Mountains, no less. Breeders can't even put a price on a specimen like Flame. Fitting for a mage like myself, no?" she boasted, sticking out her considerable chest with pride.

"Why don't you sell it then, Kirche?" Louise retorted sharply. Saito's eyes focused on the redhead at the mention of her name, realizing she was Tabitha's friend. "You're a fire element, aren't you?"

"But of course," Kirche laughed. "Do you suppose the von Zerbst flame that flows within my body could allow for anything less, Louise? I have to wonder, though, what element could be signified by a human familiar? None at all, perhaps?" She laughed and continued down the hall.

Louise growled after her.

"It's just occurred to me to ask, master, but how many elements can a person be?" Saito queried.

"One, of course! Who ever heard of someone being two elements at once? _Using _two, of course, but not being. What kind of question is that?"

"A misunderstood one, master. I meant, how many possible elements could a person be. You said that Miss Zerbst was fire, but what else could someone be?"

"Fire, water, wind, and earth," Louise explained, exasperated. "Those are the four elements of magic, along with the lost element of void that was possessed by the Founder, and none other. If you don't know that, I can't believe you were a noble at all." They began walking down the hall, hopefully towards breakfast.

"My homeland uses a different system of categorizing elements, master. That's all. Where do plants fall in the elements?"

"Earth, though sometimes with a little water."

"And lightning?"

"Wind, sometimes with fire as well."

"Sound?"

"Air as well."

"Metal is earth?"

"Obviously."

"What about living beings?"

"Mostly they don't fall into the categories, but healing is water," Louise answered.

"Huh. What about psychic phenomenon, like seeing the future or reading minds?"

"Don't be ridiculous," Louise snapped. "No one can do those things!"

"On the contrary, master, I knew several seers and empaths at home. They had limits, but their powers were the real thing."

"Really?" she asked surprised. "I shall have to hear more about your homeland sometime. It sounds interesting. But here we are." They stepped into a large hall. There were three large tables laid out parallel at which various students were gathered, and a fourth table perpendicular to the others where the teachers sat. "The Alviss dining hall," Louise told him.

_Add another table and it would be just like Hogwarts,_ Saito thought to himself. "Alviss?"

"The name of the dolls around the edges," Louise told him, moving toward the center table. All three were decked out decadently. "They're enchanted to occasionally dance around during the night, and for special occasions. We don't just learn magic here, you know. 'Nobles achieve nobility through magic,' is the school motto, and we're trained in all arts of nobility here. The dining hall, and the rest of the school, reflects that. Most people—commoners—wouldn't set foot in here their entire lives."

"Then should I be here?" Saito asked. "I don't see very many familiars."

"Mostly they eat out in the courtyard," Louise told him. "The tables are for nobles only."

"Then unless my master wishes me to accompany her, I will find my own meal," Saito answered. _The kitchens should be well stocked this time of day._

"Go on," Louise said idly, waving him away.

Saito spent a few minutes eating quickly, and then stood up and offered to help.

"Here, let me get that," he said, seeing a young woman struggling with a platter of cakes.

"Ah! You're Mr. Hiraga, right?" she asked with a bright blush. He smiled warmly.

"Just Saito is fine. And you are?"

"My name is Siesta," she answered. "Really, I can handle this. No need to trouble yourself."

"No trouble at all. Especially for a pretty lady like yourself." He paused, but unlike Louise she smiled instead of whacking him one. _I like her already._

"I'm no lady, just a maid," she said with a smile.

"Where I come from, a lady is not born, but one who acts with beauty and poise. I think you count."

"T-thank you!" she squeaked. "Um, this way, I'm passing the cakes out to the nobles." They walked out the door.

* * *

_I'd wonder if the stupidity of people would ever cease to amaze me, but this doesn't even make my top five list. It's nine, or maybe eight at the highest,_ Saito thought to himself as he stood in the courtyard. A crowd of chattering nobles surrounded him, eagerly waiting the beginning of his impromptu duel with a blonde playboy. _What was his name? Quiche, maybe? This place does seem a lot like France._

He idly fingered the three sharp kitchen knives he'd palmed before coming here. Louise, in between yelling at him for getting into this mess and failing to convince him to apologize, had explained the basics of the dueling etiquette he'd have to adhere to.

As the challenger, Quiche could name the time and place of the duel. He was also in charge of bringing any witnesses if he desired, declaring whether or not they required seconds, and arranging a referee if one was going to be present. Before they began, he would repeat for the witnesses his reason for calling the duel, and offer Saito the chance to apologize.

'To grovel,' Saito had corrected his master when she'd gotten to that point of the explanation.

'Yes, and grovel is what I want you to do!' she'd screamed at him as they headed towards the courtyard. 'I want you to apologize, grovel, beg and plead on your knees to keep Gramonte from killing you!'

'Do you really think he would?' Saito had asked, bemused, which brought her up short. When she'd demanded he explain, he'd continued, 'He's a teenager, Master. Like you, he grew up in luxury and plenty. In a life without struggle. And he's clearly a pleasant enough person that he attracted two girls to him in the first place. Do you really think he would _kill_ me in cold blood, in front of all his classmates, for something as silly and stupid as this? At worst, I'll get a little roughed up and need some healing.'

The strawberry-blonde had reluctantly conceded his point, but hadn't let up on her insistence that he surrender. In fact, when they'd stopped by the kitchens to get the knives he held, the other servants had encouraged him to do the same, acting terrified on his behalf. Louise had used this to pour on the pressure.

'You are my familiar, and I _order_ you to apologize to Guiche!' she'd shrieked. _Oh, right, that's his name. I knew it sounded like quiche._ She'd been gob-smacked when he refused. 'You…you what! No! You are my familiar, and you will obey my orders!'

'I am your familiar, and I act in your interests,' Saito had responded, taking the wind out of her sails. 'Tell me, Master…you already get teased by your fellows. How much worse do you think it would get if your familiar, already odd for being human, showed himself a coward as well. For your sake, master, I _have_ to fight.' Louise had just stared at him, the kitchen completely silent as Saito walked at the door, before hurrying to catch up and continue her explanation of dueling etiquette.

Saito, as the challenged, had the right to set the terms of the duel. He could declare whether it was to end with first blood, unconsciousness, declared victory by a referee, disarmament, surrender, or death. He also could choose what weapons other than magic were to be used.

'But I can't make it a duel without magic?' he asked. It had been his first thought when learning that he could set the terms and choose weapons.

'No, they closed that loophole so that nobles would always have the advantage when dueling a commoner, although a duel between nobles might have them both agree to forgo using it. But it would be an unofficial agreement, not a rule,' Louise had answered.

'Nobles and commoners can duel?' Saito had asked, surprised.

'What do you think Guiche just did?' Louise had deadpanned back at him, earning a laugh.

When asking if Guiche's magic was anything special, she'd simply said that he was an earth element and dot mage, which was the lowest level a mage could be.

Currently, Saito's plan was simple. Declare that the duel would be to first blood, and then try to nail the blond ponce with a thrown knife. If worst came to worst, Saito could simply take a small hit and bleed, and Guiche would be declared the winner. Honor would be satisfied, he'd have made a stand, and everyone could move on.

"Well, I see that you are no coward, commoner!" Guiche stepped through the crowd and into the clearing in the middle of the courtyard. "Still, it does not change that you are knave and a fool. I cannot forgive one who makes a lady weep!" He brandished his rose-wand dramatically, but most of the crowd paid more attention to the black eye Montmorency had given him for his philandering. The handprint on his cheek from the other girl in question had already faded.

"I did try to keep it from happening," Saito objected mildly. "When you said the vial wasn't yours I began asking other people instead."

"And yet when Montmorency confronted you, you felt it prudent to disturb her delicate emotions by naming me as the one who had dropped the vial. And what's worse, she recognized you, and trusted your word over mine!"

"You're only digging yourself deeper," the blonde with the frog called from the audience, scoring a round of laughter as Guiche quailed.

"I make no apologies," Saito said simply, shrugging. "After all, 'no lie shall pass my lips in a lady's presence'." Guiche glared when Saito quoted the same line he had used in an attempt to pacify Montmorency.

"Well then, commoner, if you will not apologize I shall have to take my compensation through arms!" he announced, and everyone quieted down as the duel was about to begin.

"As the challenged, I can set the terms and weapons, correct?"

"That is so," he agreed stiffly.

"Do you have any objection to the use of blades and bare hands in addition to your magic?"

"None, though I shall not have need for such boorish means myself."

"First blood?" Guiche smiled smugly, and waved his wand, which let drop a single petal.

"First blood is quite sufficient, commoner. I am Guiche de Gramont," he announced, "but my runic name is Guiche the Bronze."

_Bronze? As an earth mage, I suppose he specializes in metal, then. Will he conjure weapons and armor, orrrrrr-ohnoohnohnoohnoohnooh merciful **bloody** mother moon!_

"As such, this bronze Valkyrie shall be your opponent. I wish you the best of luck in making it bleed," the noble proclaimed smugly. The rose petal had floated to the ground, and from where it touched sprang up a metal figure shaped like an armored woman.

_A golem! He made. A bloody. Homunculus! In three seconds! That's freaking high-level magic, and he did it without blinking!_ It was only years of experience that kept Saito's poker face from breaking at the almost impossible sight before him. Even so, he'd grit his teeth hard to hide his shock, and bit the inside of his mouth on accident. The coppery taste of blood brought him back from his mental hiding place as Guiche waited for the commoner's response.

_Either he's secretly a genius like none I've ever heard of, or this thing is different from the golems and homunculi back home. Maybe I can do this, but…I'll have to hit hard and fast._ He focused on the comforting weight of the bracelet on his left wrist_. And I'd been wanting to save those for real trouble. Hell! _Saito took a calming breath and passed all three of the knives into his right hand, idly rubbing his right wrist. Then he raised his empty left hand, feeling the bracelet jangle against his wrist, and clenched it into a fist with a false smile on his face. _I'll have to completely cow and impress him before he rips me completely apart with his spells. Wonderful. Well, at least I can put on a good show._

"If a knife won't cut it," Saito said mockingly, "then I'll just have to destroy it by hand, milord." He bowed flamboyantly and made a 'come-hither' gesture. Everyone laughed, even Guiche, though the ponce's was more mocking than humorous. With a flourish of his rose the statue charged forward with shocking speed.

_I'll need to time this perfectly, and go for overkill,_ Saito thought in the two seconds he had before it was on him. He slid his feet into a stance and reared back his left hand. Then he punched forward as the Valkyrie thrust its right hand toward his chest.

There was a flash, and simultaneously the audience heard a sickening crack and the scream of tortured metal. Everyone winced.

Then they opened their eyes to see the golem go careening back across the courtyard, landing halfway between the two humans. The crowd was deathly silent. Saito was hunched over slightly, grimacing in pain, but he managed to straighten up. It was clear that he was favoring his left side, and kept that arm and hand curled against his chest, but he smoothed his face and gazed at his shocked opponent and the downed golem.

The Valkyrie had a hole punched all the way through its chest, the edges of which were slightly melted.

Guiche's mouth moved but he couldn't say anything; he simply looked from his statue to Saito in shock. Then Saito took a single step forward, and Guiche jerked back in panic.

"R-Rise," he called, summoning another six statues from dropped petals. Saito froze, changing his expression from an instinctive blanche to a scowl, and then to a passive smile.

"No need for that, Lord Guiche. I'd like to make a gentleman's agreement."

"A g-gentleman's agreement? What kind?"

_I can't get close enough to tag him with a knife, I'm hurt, and those things will rip me apart in seconds. But I think I can make his pride even the odds for me,_ Saito decided.

"Your valkyries are very beautiful, milord," he said admiringly. "Truly, to destroy such beauty would be a greater crime than the one I committed that started this."

"O-Oh?" Guiche replied, calming down now that he wasn't about to be destroyed by some incomprehensible spirit in human flesh. His color returned and his breath evened out. "Yes, they are very beautiful. My greatest work as of yet."

"I bet you'll make much better ones soon. I couldn't live with myself if I was responsible for…sullying such art, however. I'd like to suggest that the match simply be between you and I, and our skill at arms. On my honor I swear that you will walk away in excellent health."

"Skill at arms?"

"Do you know swordplay? A man as noble as yourself must have skill in it," Saito suggested. "A simple fencing match to first blood would alleviate our differences, I think. They say you can tell a lot about a man from his way with weapons." The noble's eyes flicked between the downed golem, the confident Saito, and the other Valkyries between them. "I only mention this because if I have to fight your art as well, I'll have to fight all out. And I might not be able to… _control_ myself," Saito threatened.

"Y-yes, quite," Guiche agreed magnanimously, conjuring a blade for himself.

"Excellent," Saito said with a cheerful smile, but Guiche didn't appear to be stepping any closer, even if the Valkyries had stepped to the side. He flicked his right wrist and the three knives buried themselves near the downed statue. One on each side of its neck, and one in the ground beneath the hole in its chest. "Now, I don't suppose I could impose upon you to loan me a blade? I seem to be lacking?"

Guiche nervously laughed along with the crowd, and one of his golems removed a sword from its hip and laid it at Saito's feet. The familiar bent over slowly, gritting his teeth at the effort, and drew it. "Will that suffice, commoner?"

"It's—" It's a little heavy, Saito had been going to say, but the instant his fingers touched the hilt, everything changed. A new wave of energy and excitement flowed into him like warm water, and suddenly Saito felt as light as air and as fresh as new snow. The pains across his body had faded into an annoying buzzing, unimportant at the back of his mind. Almost casually, he swung the blade twice, and the golem that had donated it fell to pieces. "It's wonderful," he said simply.

_What is this? Did someone use an enchantment on me? Louise? Or maybe is the sword enchanted, and Guiche feels the same way._ His eyes fell on his left hand, which felt only a little tight instead of agonizing, and saw the glowing runes. _So those are doing this? Interesting. I'll have to explore a little later. But for now…_ He turned his eyes back on the surprised noble facing him.

"Please take care of me," Saito said with a polite bow, reciting the traditional phrase spoken at the beginning of a match. Then he ghosted forward with incredible speed and locked blades with the blonde. The first impact was enough to throw Guiche off balance and force him to stagger back, and while Saito could have ended the match there, he wanted to show off a little.

The familiar stepped to one side, swatting Guiche's blade twice, leaving gashes on the metal with lyrical ringing. Guiche swung in a wild counter, getting his feet under him, but Saito just stepped outside of his range, and then back in it once the blade had passed. He swept his own sword up along Guiche's elbow, arm, shoulder, and neck, before cleaving off a few hairs from his head. Where his blade had passed, cloth parted, but not a single mark was left on the skin.

Guiche reversed his arm's momentum with shocking speed, stepping into Saito's range so that the familiar could not step out of his swing like before. Instead Saito ducked under it, dropping to his knees on the ground as the sword passed over his head. He sprang back up instantly, cutting an X on his enemy's shirt without drawing blood as the blond tried to stumble out of range.

When Guiche tried to stab, Saito didn't dodge, instead locking blades and forcing the noble's to the side, leaving another gouge in the sword.

As slash earned Guiche the loss of his left sleeve.

A thrust carved another gash on his sword.

An attempt at retreat let Saito even up the haircut he'd given him.

An attempted twist to disarm Saito merely left another gouge in the blond's weapon.

All of this happened in shocked, dead silence, except for breathing and the ring of metal. The audience did not move, did not speak, did not blink, as the two matched wits and wills. And then, the endgame.

Guiche stabbed desperately at Saito's face as the familiar stepped back from trimming his bangs. Instead of a dodge or a parry Saito passed his sword from his right hand to his left. His now free hand reached up in a blur and grabbed the mangled sword, stopping it cold an inch from his nose. Guiche just stared in shock.

"It has been an honor to match blades with you, milord," Saito said politely. Then with a twist of his wrist he snapped the mangled blade in half and opened a small cut on the noble's cheek with it. "I believe first blood is mine," Saito announced, and bowed.

"What _are_ you?" Guiche asked, so awestruck that he didn't even flinch from the cut.

"I am a familiar," Saito said to Guiche, and the assembled crowd. "And after all, a familiar reflects their master's skill, right?" Then he turned and walked towards the strawberry blonde he had a pact with. Taking her arm, he escorted her away from the courtyard as the first few people began clapping. "Now if you excuse me, my master and I have an appointment elsewhere."

"Wait, what?" Louise asked as the clapping increased to a roar. "How did you _do _that? Where are we going?" she yelled over the cheers behind them.

"The infirmary," Saito muttered. "Hospital, doctor's office, healer—wherever you go when you get hurt. Which way is it?"

"Left," she answered automatically. "But why are we going there?"

"Because I broke my hand when I hit the golem," Saito hissed through gritted teeth as his battle-high wore off, "And when the valkyrie hit _me_ it broke my ribs."

* * *

Wherever Saito was, he was warm and comfortable. His eyes were closed, but there was daylight shining through the lids, causing him to wrinkle his nose and yank the covers over his head. It was soft, he was warm and comfortable, and he was d*** _tired._ He was going to sleep.

"Not now," he slurred when he felt someone's hand. "I'm not in the mood for rope burns."

"I'm sorry?" an unfamiliar voice asked. Saito tensed. His eyes did not snap open, which would be a giveaway that he was awake. Instead he slowly cracked open the eye closest to the mattress to figure out where he was. _Unfamiliar room, though I may have been here once or twice. Feminine comforter and bedspread, really soft. Stone walls with glowing crystals as lamps. Stone walls?_ Then the past two days came rushing back to him and he opened his eyes. _My master's room. Louise._

"Siesta, right?" he asked the maid who had nudged him awake. She eeped and blushed.

"You remember!" Then she clapped her hands over her mouth nervously and looked around. "Sorry," she whispered much more quietly.

"Why are we whispering?" Saito whispered back, and stiffly swung himself out of bed and onto the floor. Thankfully, there was a rug between his feet and the cold stones. Siesta pointed behind him.

In the corner, propped up in a chair, was his unconscious master

"She's going to have a crick in her neck when she wakes up," he observed. "Why she sleeping there?"

"Miss Louise brought you back here and paid for the catalyst the healer used," Siesta said quietly. "She didn't want to leave your side and fell asleep like that, I think." Saito smiled softly.

"Let me fix that, then," he murmured. Soft as a cat he slipped over to the corner, scooped her up in a single smooth motion, and tucked her in soundly.

"Mm…cat-cat," Louise grumbled to her self, burrowing into the covers. Saito made a quiet motion and he and Siesta stepped out into the hall.

"How long was I out?" he asked, closing the door behind him.

"Only most of yesterday and last night," Siesta answered softly. And then she drew in a deep breath. "That was amazing!" she squealed with stars in her eyes. "I was terrified when you got into that duel, but you actually fought a noble and won! I've never heard of that happening before! It was incredible. I was so scared, but you were so brave, and you made it look like the easiest thing in the world! How? Did you learn how to do that when you were working as a spy?"

Saito's eyes focused in on her with laser-like intensity. "What?" he hissed. "What made you think that?"

"Think what?" she asked innocently.

"That I was a spy? Where did you get that idea?" he asked calmly.

"You said so two days ago, when you were in the kitchens telling everyone about your homeland," she answered. Saito blinked and cast his mind back, doing his best to keep from grimacing.

_Ooooooh crud. I did, didn't I? What was I **thinking**?_ He rubbed his right wrist nervously. _They were right. I really must have been close to burning out if I just **told** people that. What was I **thinking**!_

"I think," he said contemplatively, "that we have a language problem here."

"Language?" she asked.

"I don't speak your language," he explained, "my master just used a translating spell on me. I think it made a mistake and used the wrong word. What's the word for someone who goes on ahead of people and looks around?"

"Um, a scout?" He smiled brilliantly and she blushed when he took her hand.

"Scout. Thanks a bunch. I was a scout, not a spy." He laughed nervously. "Sorry about saying the wrong thing. But yeah, I learned some of that when I was a scout. You have to learn how to move, and what to do if other people find you while you're looking around." He paused and glanced at the door. "Do you think my master will be okay where she is? I'm hungry, and I feel the need to clear up what I meant to say. It wouldn't be very nice to let people think the wrong thing, huh?"

"She was awake when I dropped of another candle before I went to bed, so I think she'll sleep for a while," Siesta told him. He took her hand. "Eep!"

"Could you do me a favor," Saito asked. "Just in case she wakes up while I'm gone, could you leave her a note from me?"

"Um, yes," Siesta fidgeted, producing a small pad of paper and a piece of wrapped charcoal. "Here."

Saito pushed them back to her. "Can you do it for me? I can't write."

"You can't write! I know there are people who don't, but even I know how to do that!" Siesta looked shocked by the admission, and it took Saito a moment to figure out why.

"Ah, I can't read or write your language," he corrected. "Translation spell. I'm perfectly fine with my own."

"Oh. Oops." Siesta relaxed and scribbled down the message, which Saito slid under the door.

"Now. To the kitchens!" Saito cheered, linking arms with Siesta, and the laughing pair headed down the hall.

* * *

Carefully balancing a tray for his still sleeping master, Saito maneuvered back up the stairs towards her room. Marteau had been hesitant to let the 'hero of the hour' take back a meal for a noble, but had caved when Saito pointed out that Louise was one of the good ones, since she'd let him take her bed and had stayed up half the night until she fell asleep in a chair.

_I wonder if she's woken up by now. If she hasn't, I'll have to wake her up myself. It would be bad for her grades if master suddenly turned nocturnal. _He squinted as light from the almost-setting sun got in his eyes, and all the warning he had was the rapid pounding of footsteps behind him. Then—

"Darling!"

—the torpedo hit. The metal cover over the plate went flying and crashed to the floor, and Saito only barely kept the bottle from doing the same as something smashed into him, grabbed his chest, and spun him around enthusiastically.

Saito only noticed that the hallway had stopped spinning when he noticed that all the lights were out, and that he was having a hard time breathing. Something was pressing against his face and mouth, as well as covering his eyes. It was soft and rubbery, and comfortably warm.

_Where have I felt this before?_ He wondered, hoping the tray was steady. Then he grinned goofily. _Oh, I remember. I'm in a marshmallow hell._ Then he realized someone was talking.

"-nderfully brave I began to get so hot that I swear my blood was boiling, darling! The sight of you and your sword has stoked fires in me like I've never known before, and I want to spend all evening and night and into tomorrow tending it! What do you say, darling? Let us go and enjoy the warmth of the fire together, fanning it into the flames of true love!"

"I'm sorry, who are you?" he asked, prying himself loose. Kirche stumbled, giving him a chance at glorious freedom. _Freeeeeee!_

"It's me, darling! Kirche von Zerbst, better known as Kirche the Ardent!" she cried, resuming her imitation of an octopus. _Noooooooo!_

"Right. Well, if you'll excuse me, I need to go see to my master."

"Pish-tush," Kirche chided, clinging tighter. "Don't waste your time on that midget Zero! Let me show you the wonders of a real woman, and together we will explore the deepest recesses of romance and desire," she purred.

"As attractive as that is," Saito squirmed, only to find that Kirche was very good at adjusting her grip, "I'm afraid that I really must insist. Louise is sleeping like an angel and-"

"von Zerbst! Cease that infernal racket!" a voice shrieked, his master's door slamming open.

"-awake and angry like a bull at a matador convention," Saito corrected smoothly as the strawberry blonde stormed at them like a one-woman avalanche.

"Familiar! What are you doing with that woman!"

"Darling and I were just affirming our eternal love for each other, and about to ride off into the sunset of happily ever after!" Kirche announced proudly.

"Familiar! Is this true?" Louise asked archly, her voice low and dangerous. She'd produced a riding crop from somewhere and was tapping it absent-mindedly.

"Completely!" Kirche affirmed.

"Actually," Saito corrected evenly, "the lady has apparently decided to up the ante of her rivalry with you by kidnapping me. However, I've been assured that she'll ransom me back in exchange for forty harem boys dressed in nothing but leather loincloths."

The hall went silent as Kirche and Louise both audibly blinked.

"Um, what?" the strawberry blonde asked.

"I was bringing you dinner when she jumped me in the hallway, master," Saito told her, gesturing with the tray.

"Oh," Louise said simply.

"Leather loincloths," Kirche giggled. "I wonder how darling would look in one of those. And how he would look _out_ of it." Had Saito been able to turn around her lecherous smirk would have had him running for the hills—or possibly for her bedroom, depending on his mood. "Well, at least I can answer one question soon enough. To the bedroom!" she cried, but Saito dug in his heels successfully.

"Von Zerbst!" Louise shrieked. "Cease your attempt to steal my familiar through such perversions!"

"I don't want to steal him," Kirche pouted. "I only want to borrow him for a night or two."

"That's completely unacceptable!"

"I have to agree," Saito interrupted mildly. "I'm afraid, milady, that I'm already spoken for."

"You're what?" Louise asked. Kirche frowned.

"Well, I don't care if you don't," she replied cheerfully, and resumed her attempt to drag him away.

"But I do care, Miss Von Zerbst."

"Please, call me Kirche," she said throatily. "For two lovers such as we, such formalities are unnecessary." Saito blinked and took a deep breath as another attempt to squirm away failed.

"Actually, your passion and dedication have moved me deeply," he announced in a dramatic change of opinion, turning to meet her eyes. "Would you be at all offended if I gave you a pet-name in the language of my homeland?"

"I would be delighted, darling," she purred.

"It pleases me to hear that, _calamari_," he whispered back. Kirche smile brightly.

"Calamari!" she cried, rolling the word around her tongue. "Such a beautiful name, and a tremendous symbol of our love. Come, let us be together, and let me hear that name from your lips in the throws of passion. Calamari!"

"Familiar! Don't give that woman a pet name!" Louise screeched.

"No worries master," Saito objected. "I'm giving her the name, and nothing more." Kirche paused her attempts to drag him away for ravishing and frowned.

"Nothing more, darling? Why ever would that be?"

"Because in addition to the fact that I'm spoken for, I'm just not interested," he said bluntly. Had this been an anime, a breeze would have blown a tumbleweed through the halls. Louise began to crack up as Kirche drew herself up haughtily.

"Not interested. How could you not be attracted to _this?_" She gestured down at herself, especially emphasizing the expanse of cleavage. Saito bit his lip to keep from grinning and shrugged with false nonchalance.

"Some men are attracted by breasts. Some like bottoms. Some men go for legs, and wise men prefer a good personality," he said sagely, inching away slightly.

"All of which I have!" Kirche objected, latching back onto him like a lamprey.

"Yes, my dear calamari," he said drily, "but my own tastes run towards what's called _Lolita_, or _loli_."

"Loli! I can be loli!" Kirche vowed. "For my darling I will make myself more loli than every other girl on campus combined! I will be a goddess of loli!"

"I'm sure that would be a sight to see," Saito said drily. "Nevertheless, I fear I must turn down your gracious proposition. My loyalty must be to my master."

"That's right!" Louise added haughtily.

"Such fidelity," Kirche purred. "I look forward to the day I can convince you to give all that loyalty to me, and me alone darling. Come, let me give you a taste of what I can offer in return. Flame!" She began dragging Saito towards her door, and with her salamander's assistance she was succeeding.

"Von Zerbst!" Louise squawked.

"Ack! Master, grab the tray, will you," Saito requested, managing to shove it into the strawberry blonde's hands before he dropped it. This, incidentally, kept Louise from grabbing her wand or riding crop. Then Saito squirmed, turned around in Kirche's grasp, and managed to tap her slightly.

"Calamari," he called softly to get her attention. Kirche turned towards him and Saito covered her lips with own.

She stopped in her tracks and moaned into the kiss as Louise's jaw dropped. A second of rearrangement later and Saito leaned Kirche back into the traditional dip position, his arms supporting her body weight while she played her fingers through his hair. Kirche twisted into the kiss, and Saito returned it, their tongues dancing lazily.

Then he dropped her.

"Hurry master, and lock the door!" he yelled over Kirche's squawk when she hit the ground, bustling the shorter noble into her room as fast as he could. Slamming the door behind them he promptly turned the deadbolt, braced a chair against the door to be safe, and braced the dresser against the chair to be certain.

"She won't burn down the door, right?" he asked nervously. Through the door they heard Kirche pull herself together and try doorknob.

"Darling," she purred, "won't you let me in? Darling? Oh, pooh!" There was a thud as she presumably kicked the door ineffectually. "You haven't heard the last of me, darling! That little taste you gave me just poured more fuel on my fire. And Kirche the Ardent never gives up on a guy!" she announced. "I will make you mine or die trying, darling. Just you wait and see!" Her footsteps moved down the hall until Saito heard her close her door behind her. Only then did he relax.

"Talk about out of the frying pan," he muttered. Louise burst out cackling.

"Hahahahahahahahaha! You, you, oh Founder! Hahahahaha! I can't believe you did that! And the cow still wouldn't take no for an answer! Bwahahahahahahaha!"

"Your sympathy astounds me, master," he deadpanned, taking the tray and setting it on her bed.

"You j-just dropped her-ahahahaha!" Louise had curled up on the floor and was kicking her heels in mirth. After a few minutes she finally calmed down, hiccupping slightly. "That. Was. Wonderful! I wish I could have seen her face when you did that, familiar." She giggled again. "I'll never be sad again. I just have to remember what you did, and I'll burst out laughing."

"Glad to be of service," Saito responded evenly. Louise snorted.

"Still, familiar, as far as I'm concerned you've entirely redeemed yourself for being caught in that woman's arms and then some." Further laughter was staunched by a sound like two dogs snarling before a fight. Louise blushed. "Eh, heh. I suppose I should head down to dinner."

"I brought it up to you, master," Saito reminded her, motioning towards the tray. Louise smiled brightly and jumped onto the bed, tearing off a chunk of bread.

"Excellent work," she complimented before stuffing her face.

"I felt a display of gratitude was in order, master. You didn't have to give me your bed or stay up to watch me." Louise looked away.

"You're right, I didn't," she snapped. "If you ever do something so stupid again I'll dump you in the corner on the cold stone floor. Honestly, picking a fight with a noble. What were you thinking?"

"Actually, I'd like to ask my master about that. Something during the fight caught me by surprise, and I want to ask some questions."

"Humph. You may ask," Louise said magnanimously, before shoving more food in her mouth.

"That spell he used—the Valkyrie. Was it a particularly powerful spell? I seem to remember you thinking that Guiche was not too powerful a mage."

"It was nothing special," Louise answered. "Golems are some of the most common magic used by earth mages. Granted, Guiche's were rather well-made by most standards, but that's most likely do to his use of a catalyst."

"I've heard that before. Siesta said you paid for the catalyst for a healing spell for me. What is it?"

"A catalyst is an item or substance used to increase the efficacy of spellcraft," Louise recited immediately. "There are four main ways one is used. To add or use an element the caster cannot normally use. To increase the potency or longevity of a spell. To add a characteristic to a spell that would not otherwise be present. Or to make a spell's effect more specific or targeted toward a certain thing or purpose."

"So…you mean that Guiche used something to make making those golems easier than usual."

"Precisely," Louise agreed. "In fact, now that I think of it, that may be why he styles his wand like a rose. Rose oil is an effective catalyst for animating constructs."

"Thank you master. I must admit that the golems had me worried."

"Why?"

"It's another difference between our homelands' styles of magic. Where I come from, making and animating golems and homunculi is some of the highest-level magic there is. Any mage back home who was capable of making golems like that would be capable of killing me in half-a-dozen quicker and easier ways without blinking." Louise chewed this over and swallowed her mouthful.

"So…basically, you got into a fight with someone you thought of as a dot mage, and were worried when they opened up with what you were used to thinking of as a square-class spell."

"Eh, I guess. Remind me what the differences between dot and square is." Louise rolled her eyes and sighed, setting down the morsel she'd been about to gobble.

"It's how many elements is involved. Dot is one element, so for instance a dot class spell would make the golem like Guiche did. It only involves one element: earth. Line is two elements. At that level you can mix different elements, such as air and water to make ice, but it's more common to use the same element twice: two earths would make a bigger, stronger golem. Triangle is three and square is four."

"Okay, I get it," Saito nodded. Louise resumed stuffing her face, almost half-done at this point. "What level are you, master?" Saito had heard the rumors, but going to the source got the best information. Louise paused and then continued eating. "Master?"

"Smuf ut anb ho abay."

"You'll have to answer eventually, master. I can wait." He waited as she kept eating. "I might even be able to help," he added. Louise's hands stilled and she swallowed.

"You can't help. Nothing has worked," she grumbled bitterly.

"Only one way to find out, master."

"…There's a reason they call me Zero," she muttered. "Louise the Zero: zero elements; zero spells; zero success; zero chances; zero _hope_; zero _future_; zero _worth_!"

"They're all idiots," Saito said bluntly. "Everyone has worth."

"Not me!" Louise shrieked, producing her wand and pointing at a pillow. The syllables of the chant flowed from her lips flawlessly, and then, "Harden!"

In such a small space, the explosion was almost deafening. The shock wave threw Saito against the wall, and when his head cleared a rain of mangled feathers was falling. Louise had blasted herself off the bed and was lying on her back on the floor, staring glumly at the ceiling.

"See? Zero," she whispered hoarsely. "I was trying to make it hard like stone, and look. Zero remains, zero hope, and zero future." Her voice choked off. Saito moved over and knelt down beside her. He took her hands in his and leaned over her, forcing her to look at him.

"Louise," he said softly, and smiled. "I can help."

First there was no change. Then his words trickled into her ears. First disbelief. Then suspicion. And then the unshed tears receded and Saito saw the slightest glimmer of hope.

"How?" she whispered softly.

"Finish eating, and then we'll go down to the forest and I'll show you," he assured her. Her stomach rumbled, cutting off the rebuke that she wanted to go now. Louise sheepishly hopped back onto the bed and began to clear her plate.

"You can really show me how to cast spells?"

"Possibly. The first thing I need to do is figure out what's wrong, and I can work from there." Louise grinned.

"Oh, I can't wait to see the look on von Zerbst's face! She'll never call me a Zero again!"

"Speaking of nicknames," Saito mused, "Do you remember mine for her?"

"Ca…Calamari, right?"

"Do you know what it means?" Louise shook her head, and he told her.

Louise's burst of hysterical laughter could be heard from three floors away.

* * *

The words flowed like honey through the air, thick and sweet. Power slowly curled around the short figure in the glen as she waved her wand in time with the rhythmic chant. Then there was a crescendo as she pointed her wand at a distant tree.

"Feather Breath," she intoned. A moment of silence and then the spell took effect.

The explosion annihilated one of the tree's largest branches, peppering the surrounding area with splinters. After the first time, though, Louise and Saito had learned to stand out of range.

"Three elements down," Saito said clinically, glancing down at his scanner. The readings were interesting, but not conclusive. "Can you try water now?"

"I'm telling you, it won't work," Louise groused. "It never works!"

"Even so, it's important for me to see how it fails," Saito reassured her. "The first step to solving your problem-"

"-is figuring out what it is," Louise finished grumpily. He'd only said it half-a-dozen times by now. She glanced at the sun, which was barely touching the horizon, giving them another half-hour at the least. "Fine, I'll do it."

"Just a moment, I need…start." Louise began chanting, power flowing through the glen, and then pointed her wand at another poor tree.

"Fountain." Once again, another explosion. "You see?"

"Yes, I do," Saito told her. "I've got two or three guesses now." Louise perked up.

"Really? What?"

"One more test," he told her. "Those were all dot-class spells, right?"

"Right. Harden, Feather Breath, Fountain, and Spark."

"Do you know any higher class spells? Line or triangle?" Louise bit her lip.

"I've tried a bunch of those, just on the off chance they might work," she admitted. "Even with catalysts, they all blew up."

"Try one of them again. Whatever is the highest level, most draining spell you know," Saito encouraged her. Louise bit her lip, nodded, and turned towards the already maimed tree.

"Right! This is a triangle-class wind spell I learned from my mother." She began to chant calmly, and continued on for longer than any of the previous times. "Spiral Spear!" A sideways cyclone was _supposed_ to burst from her wand and pierce the tree in front of her, tearing it apart. Instead, the trunk simply exploded.

Violently.

"Ugh, more splinters in my hair," Louise groaned when the rain stopped enough for her two look up. She was surprised to see that Saito was grinning. "What?" she groused.

"I have two possibilities," he told her proudly, and she snapped to attention.

"Out with it, please!"

"The first," Saito told her calmly, "is power."

"You think I don't have enough magic to make the spells work," Louise guessed dejectedly.

"Nope. Wrong," Saito told her. "If you didn't have enough magic it would be like a commoner trying to cast a spell. Nothing would happen. Instead, I think you have so much power that you're overcharging the spell. Time for a test!" Louise would have groaned, but was too excited at the possibility of an answer.

"What do I do?" she asked eagerly.

"First, master, do you feel your magic when you're casting a spell?" She nodded. "What does it feel like?"

"It's like…" Louise trailed off, having never had to verbalize the feeling. "It's like I'm a bottle of water, and my willpower is an air bubble floating inside. Only the bubble is actually bigger than I am, so have to pull it in when I'm cast and then channel it to my wand."

"And can you feel how much you use when you cast?"

"Eh…I can't really measure it in cups and tablespoons," she admitted. "I can tell if I'm using a little or a lot, or more or less than with another spell. Why?"

"How much would you say you used when you were casting the dot spells?"

"Um…" Louise bit her lip. "Remember when I said my body was a bottle and my magic was an air bubble? It was a bubble about twice the size of my fist."

"And the triangle spell?"

"I don't know, a lot more. The air bubble would have been bigger than my stomach and chest."

"Not saying too much," Saito mumbled, and Louise whacked him.

"Stupid dog," she grumbled. "My chest is just fine the way it is! And if it isn't, I'll grow!"

"I'm sure you will," he assured her. "Well, I said I thought you were using too much power. So try casting a dot-class spell using as little magic as possible. A bubble the size of a joint in your finger."

"You think?"

"It might work," Saito said with a shrug. "If not, another test." Louise nodded stiffly, targeted a new tree, and began to chant.

Where before her face had been relatively serene while chanting, this time she quickly scowled in concentration. Her smooth chanting became stuttered and broken, and by the end of the incantation she was gasping for breath through a cold sweat. "Spark!"

The tree branch exploded, and Louise doubled over, sucking in air.

"That. Was. Horrid!" she wheezed. "It felt so *gasp* wrong to try and *wheeze* pinch off my magic like *gasp* like that. Never *gasp* again."

"Sorry, but you're going to have to try again," Saito said with a shrug. "If you want to find an answer, we'll need at least one more test. Probably two or three."

"I'm not sure I could do it again. I didn't even use as little as I was supposed to this time."

"You don't need to try it so small. How about a full finger's worth, and then fist-sized," Saito told her. She glared at him, but nodded briskly. Another moment to even out her breathing, and then she selected a tree and began to chant. This time the explosion was about the same, but there was less backlash in the way of gasping and wheezing.

The third time there was very little backlash, aside from beads of sweat on Louise's forehead. "Are we done yet?" Louise asked wearily.

"Just one more test," Saito told her, grinning at her growl. "This time I want you to try and blow something up."

"What do you think I've just been doing!" she snapped.

"That was when you were trying to cast something else and it blew. This time cast a spell that's supposed to blow something up."

"I don't know any explosive spells," Louise complained. "They're almost all triangle level, and not something you'd usually teach to second-year students! Besides, I bet they'd just blow up, too."

Saito didn't quite manage to censor himself fast enough as he rolled his eyes. "Your brain's supposed to be bigger than your chest, Louise. Think about what you just said."

"Knave!" Louise jumped at him, pounding away with her fists. And feet. And- _Great, I think she just bit me!_

When Saito finally managed to pull her off he put what he'd meant in context.

"So most spells that cause explosions are triangle-class."

"Yes," Louise grumped from beneath him, in a suppression hold. "Now let me up so I can finish beating you!"

"And all of your spells cause explosions on accident?"

"Yes, mangy dog! Did we not just spend the past evening demonstrating this!"

"So in effect, master, you've spent your entire life doing triangle-class magic on accident," Saito summarized. Louise froze as it clicked. "Do you get it?"

"I…I never considered it like that," Louise whispered.

"Can I let you up now? Are you only going to hurt the trees and not me? Please?"

"Yes, yes," Louise mused absently, and made no motion to get up after Saito let go. "But the triangle-class explosion spells I've seen aren't at all like mine."

"They aren't?"

"No…" she mused. "Most of the spells that cause explosions use fire and air elements. My explosions don't produce any flames."

"It just blows things apart," Saito said, examining the mangled trees around them. Nothing immediately recognizable as a scorch mark was apparent.

"Yes, so it couldn't be the same thing," she said. "Now, why did you want me to blow something up?"

"Well, I don't think you have a problem with your magic, master," Saito told her.

"No problem! Why can I make nothing but explosions then, familiar?" Louise raged.

"Because you have _two _problems," Saito told her, and she deflated. "The first is that you have a lot of mana. Or willpower, as you call it."

"And the second?" she asked worriedly.

"You're just really good at blowing things up," he said with a shrug. A breeze blew through the clearing.

"Just. Good. At explosions."

"Yeah. Don't mages have specialties within their elements? Some water mages are better at healing while others are good at fighting? Some earth mages are good at golems while others just build things, or change them? That kind of thing."

"So what element would I be?" Louise asked shortly. Saito shrugged.

"Explosions? I don't know. But aren't mages supposed to practice with their best element before they learn the others? So you need to practice with explosions, and then you can start learning other elements."

"That…that might work," Louise mused. "But it seems sort of pointless. What can explosions do, anyway?" Her familiar frowned.

"Horrible things," Saito said darkly, and looked away towards the sunset as memories surged up.

"Familiar? What is the matter?"

"Just things from my past," Saito said quietly. "I'd rather not share them."

"My father once told me that the best way to deal with bad memories is to talk about them, because it bleeds off the poison," Louise said sagely. "Speak, familiar." She waited in the growing silence, and then, "Please tell me, Saito," she added quietly.

"…I told you I was in the army. One of the enemies I once saw was a being known as Devastator. Its…his, I suppose, only power was to cause explosions. But he was so horrifyingly skilled and powerful that entire battalions had instructions to run if they saw him."

"With just explosions? How big were they?"

"Not just size," Saito correctly softly, "but number. He could make large explosions, yes, but worse was when he made lots of small ones. He could make something explode with a glance. Imagine him just glancing at the men in a formation, drawing his eyes across them one at a time. And each one…" Saito trailed off.

"I can't really imagine," Louise admitted with a shudder. The possibility of such carnage was beyond the scope of her sheltered upbringing.

"Good," Saito said simply. "So," he continued, blatantly changing the subject, "I want you to try and blow up a tree intentionally so I can get a good idea of what the differences are."

"Very well then," Louise said stiffly, and turned away to target a tree. Then she turned back. "Familiar, what happened to him?"

"Who?"

"This…Devastator being. What happened? How did they finally beat him, or was he still alive when you—when I summoned you?"

"Ah. Everyone needs to sleep," Saito told her simply. Louise nodded uncertainly and turned towards the trees. Then she turned back around, sheepishly.

"I don't know any spells that are supposed to make it explode, remember."

Saito rolled his eyes. "The spell is basically just you telling the magic what to do, right? Just say, 'Bang,' or 'Blast' or 'Blow up,' or 'Explode.' Even just 'Go boom,' would work."

"It's more complicated than that! You need to chant the runes first—"

"Do you?" Saito asked. "Can't mages cast a spell without a chant?"

"Well…sometimes," Louise admitted. "If it's a very powerful mage, or they are using a spell they are very skilled with. But I don't think I could."

"But my master is a very powerful mage. And she is very good at making explosions," Saito said simply. "That's the point. Try. The worst that can happen is that one of your spells _doesn't_ make something explode for once," he added drily. Louise snorted, struggling between whacking him one and hiding a grin, and turned back around.

"Very well then. What should I say?" she asked.

"Explode? Go boom? Bang? Blast?" Saito suggested. Louise closed her eyes and reached deep inside herself for her magic. Her wand snapped out.

"Blast!"

There was a moment of silence as they both looked at the tree on the far side of the clearing—the most distant target available. Louise's face had just begun to droop in self-recrimination when the moment ended.

Even from the far side of the clearing, the explosion was deafening. The shockwave threw them both off their feet and Saito winced as a rain of splinters, sawdust and soil drizzled down on them. It took a while for their heads to stop ringing before master and familiar stood up again.

"I believe we can call that a success," Saito said with a grin.

* * *

"Siesta," Saito called, flagging down the maid in the hall.

"Ah! Mr. Hiraga," she chirped blushing slightly, and slowing down so he could catch up. "Are you feeling well?"

"I'm fine," he assured her. "I just got caught by some of my master's spell work. And didn't I ask you to call me Saito?"

"She used her spells on you!" Siesta squawked. "That's—that's so cruel! How could she do such a thing to you, Mr. Hiraga?"

"Huh? No," Saito assured her. "She used her spells on a tree, not me. In fact, if you think I look bad, she actually looked much worse before she cleaned herself off and fell into bed."

"Oh. Well, that's good," Siesta told him. "But shouldn't you be in bed as well? It's late, and you were hurt fighting that noble yesterday."

"It's late. Shouldn't _you_ be in bed?" Saito countered. The maid blushed.

"Ah, um. I missed a shift looking after you, so I'm taking this one to make up for it," she explained. Saito smiled.

"That was very kind of you. After I finish my task, perhaps I could thank you by helping out."

"Helping me. You. Us, alone?" Siesta blushed harder. "Yes, please! But, uh, what task?" Saito lifted the pile of cloth occupying his hands.

"I need to do my master's laundry, and I was wondering if you could show me the way," he explained. "I'm not very experienced with this type of thing, so any help would be welcomed."

"Of course," she chirped, and led him down the halls. The laundry room was on the ground floor in an out of the way corner, but not wholly underground, as there were windows to let in light and air. Several pumps were along the wall, and there were a number of basins and tubs used for the washing. "Um, usually there would be people here you could give the clothes to, but they're not on duty until tomorrow morning."

"It's fine. I think I can figure it out," Saito told her.

"I can stay and help you, if you wouldn't mind," Siesta offered.

"No, it's fine, I couldn't ask that of you," Saito replied, knowing full well-

"I insist. I won't be missed and it's the least I can do for someone like you," Siesta said sternly, trying to hide her fidgeting and blush.

-that it would only make her more adamant to stay and help. _It looks like someone has a crush,_ Saito mused with a smile. _Good. I can work with that._

"Well, I'm really glad for your help," he said, shifting the load of laundry to one hand and taking her hand with the other. She blushed when he laid a courtly kiss on it. "Where shall we begin?"

…Highlights of the next half-hour are as follows…

"Oh, _my!_ I never knew nobles had something so _racy!_ It looks like Beatrice's outfit from The Viscount, the Viceroy, and the Vicar's Daughter!" "Siesta, for the sake of my sanity, please don't tell me anything about that book."

"Oh, dear. I'm afraid that this blouse is ruined. Completely unsalvageable. Perhaps you should take it to the kitchen and be torn up for rags." "But there's only a small hole in it. I could patch it in a minute if I had a needle." "No, my master ordered me to do her laundry. She must trust my judgment on the matter, and I'm judging that this must go." "But these two pieces are riddled with tears and you said they were fine!" "Yes, well, I don't know much about clothes. But if master orders me to do her laundry then she must trust my judgment on these things!" "Oh…I see...Look, there's a loose thread on this skirt!" "Put it in the rag pile."

"Merciful moon, what is a sixteen-year-old doing with something like _this_?" "Oh! I saw an illustration of something like that in The Duke's Daughter and—" "Illustration! No, stop, don't say anything. I got too much of this stuff back home." "But it's nothing _dirty_! Everyone reads the series. You see, in this one the lady Annabelle—" "La la la la la! Oh, look! We need more soap. I'll just go get some!"

"Stop! You can't use that brush on delicates! It's too coarse. You need to treat them _delicately_." "Maybe you should handle these, then. I'm not too comfortable, being a guy and all." "Alright."

"Out of curiosity, Siesta, how do you think you'd look in this?" "What! No, I couldn't." "Why not? I think it would look good." "It would be indecent!" "I won't tell if you won't." "_No_!" "It's not going to hurt anyone." "It's a _noble's cloak!_ With a pentagram! That's how you can tell they're noble! It's not just indecent, I think it's illegal!" "Fine, fine."

…And finally, it was done.

"Thank you, Siesta," Saito said as they hung the last of Louise's clothes on a rack to dry. "You've been wonderful. Now, I think I said I'd help you finish your shift?"

"Oh, thank you," she squeaked. "Um, Mr. Hiraga?" He looked at her and raised an eyebrow. "Saito! Saito. You aren't _really_ going to turn those into rags, are you?"

"Well, no. Granted, my master could probably replace them without blinking, but it might be one straw too many. I'll just put them off in a pile to the side. But she won't know that until after I've proven my point."

"Point?" Saito smiled wolfishly.

"I don't mind doing things for her, but I'd rather she _ask_ than _order._ My master needs to learn to start thinking about other people than herself, and I'm going to drum that into her head."

"But, won't you get in trouble?"

"I just did her a big favor earlier today, so I think she'll be too happy to hold much of a grudge. And since I'm not _really _turning them into rags Ican put everything back when I'm done. No harm, no foul. Actually…" Saito paused, considering, and pulled one pair of panties off the rack. A few moments of fidgeting and he'd snapped the elastic around the waistband. "There," he said, putting them back, "if that doesn't get her attention, nothing will."

"Are you sure it's—"

"I'm sure," he assured her. "Now, I believe it's my turn to help you."

* * *

He rounded the corner, heading to bed after helping Siesta finish her shift and walking her to her room, and nearly bowled over Tabitha.

"Sorry about that," he apologized. Tabitha just nodded. "Were you looking for me?" She nodded and motioned with her staff, turning and walking away. Saito followed her through the corridor and out onto a balcony. He barely heard her whisper, and then felt the whisper of wind as the spell wrapped around them.

"Privacy," she'd said, and turned back to face him. The red moon was full and bright, casting an odd light down on them. "Summer," she said simply.

"Summer?" Saito echoed. Then it clicked. "Oh. That's the next time you're going to be home?" Tabitha nodded. Saito bit his lip, but nodded back. "I probably won't be able to make it home, so I can wait until then. But first, I want to try something." Tabitha blinked and tilted her head a little.

"Hold this, please," Saito asked, and handed her the tiny computer. Tabitha looked down at it and then back at him. "It's in your language, right?"

Tabitha looked down at the screen and blinked slowly. Then she nodded once.

"I scanned some of master's books and changed the settings. That means that you'll be able to use it to help your mother even if I'm not there. Touch the one marked scanner, please."

Tabitha did so, but asked, "Not there?"

"I want to try something that might let me get home. If it works I'll try to come back, but if I can't it's only fair that you still have the scanner, to help your mother. If you don't mind. Does that still meet our deal?" Tabitha didn't move for several seconds, and then slowly nodded.

"Luck," she said simply, pointing it at him to scan. Saito nodded once and flourished his left hand. Pure white light wrapped around him like a cloak, and then shattered. He frowned.

"Well, I didn't think that would work, but it was worth a try," he admitted. He held out his hand and Tabitha handed it back, taking a moment to squeeze his hand consolingly. "So, summer break should be enough time for me to read up on potions. I've already looked through my master's book on them, but it's very basic. I'll try to find some others." Tabitha nodded.

The silence spell that kept their conversation private worked both ways, blotting out outside sounds, so Saito didn't have any warning. Sylphiel's descent took him completely by surprise, earning a yelp of shock as the flying lizard pulled out of a dive and settled on a railing. He stumbled back, and the gust of wind knocked him off his feet.

"Onee-chan! Irukukuu saw a bright light! And a silence spell! Is nee-chan okay?" the dragon asked in a teenaged girl's voice. Saito blinked. Tabitha hung her head and sighed.

"Talking," she said simply. The dragon blinked.

"Oh, Irukukuu is sorry!" the dragon chirped. "But it's okay! Nee-chan is inside a silence spell, so no one can hear that Irukukuu can talk!" Tabitha didn't raise her head, but pointed her staff at Saito. Sylphiel—apparently named Irukukuu—blinked. "Uh-oh…oops? Pay no attention to the dragon on the railing," Irukukuu intoned, waving the tip of her tail hypnotically.

"What dragon?" Saito asked, his lips quirking. Then, "Wait. Onee-chan?"

"Yes! Tabitha-nee-chan is Irukukuu's onee-chan, just like Irukukuu is her imouto!"

"It—" Tabitha began, only for Saito to cut her off.

"It means big sister and little sister," he said. Tabitha blinked. "It's my home language," he explained, and turned back to the dragon. "Nihongo o hanashimasuka?" He'd found, as his nickname for Kirche showed, that he could switch back to Japanese or another language if he focused.

"Nihongo? Ryuugo o hanashimasu," the dragon responded easily.

"Huh. Who knew," Saito commented. He cut off Tabitha as she opened her mouth. "My lips are sealed. Your secret's safe."

"…thank you."

"What are friends for?" Saito answered. Tabitha pulled a book out of her robes and handed it to him.

_A book? __Hidden Worlds: Tales of other worlds.__ Wait, this looks like…_

"You found a book to help me get home? Thank you," he said sincerely.

"Fairy tales," Tabitha corrected, shaking her head. "Might help."

"It might. So thank you. Was there anything else you wanted to talk about?"

"Good fight," she congratulated, and then hopped onto the railing and climbed up onto her familiar's back. The dragon took off into the air. Saito turned and walked back into the castle.

And nearly tripped over Flame.

"…Let me guess," he said to the salamander, which he swore was grinning at him, and wagging his tail like a happy dog. "Your master told you to drag me back to her room for ravishing." It smiled and its tail wagged faster.

Saito sighed and prepared for evasive action. _First the laundry, then my transport spell fails, and now this. I guess when it rains, it pours. Well, annoying my master in the morning will be fun. I wonder how long it will take before she gets my point? A week?_ And then his game of tag with the salamander began.

* * *

So after this, now that he's begun working on her magic, Saito is going to begin working on Louise's manners. Basically, just think about all the stuff that happens at the beginning of Book 1 chap 2 of the light novels ( Baka no Tsuki) and imagine it being done by a guile hero for a good cause. Or just wait a week or two, and you'll see for yourself.

All reviews are welcome. Also, I'll address some previous reviews as well, and I'd like to thank all the reviewers for their words.

**LegendaryGamer**: As you can see, the fight with Guiche did occur. I felt obliged to include it since it's something of a tradition among most fics. I'll consider your make idea-I just need to figure out how to do it justice when I have a spare moment.

**PEJP Bengtzone V2**: No, Saito will not be able to use mana or magic on his own. If an object is enchanted he can use it (not like Myognitnr) but you won't see him throwing around spells or anything. That being said, has anyone ever thought about the mechanics of the Gandalfr enhancements? How the sword from Guiche could cleave through a Valkyrie like butter? I have, and I've come up with a ridiculously simply answer that Saito will figure out as well.

**Silver Winged King**: You are _absolutely right_, and I'm a little surprised that you are apparently the _only_ one who noticed this. That was stupid of Saito, which I slightly addressed in this chapter and may discuss more later. It won't be a major plot point but it will be there. The familiar runes are already working.

**Chosen-One-92**: Sorry, but Saito will not be as awesome in the way your hoping. He'll take shit, but he won't get angry-he'll get even. In very quiet and subtle and nasty ways if he's upset enough. Or he'll just turn the other cheek, smile, and screw you over when your back is turned.

**Jarjaxle**: Saito won't have the full harem (at least he won't reciprocate it, though most of them will still want him) but I might make him go through one or two failed relationships before he settles down. And the fact that he's a familiar, and his first loyalty should be to Louise, is going to be a problem.

Fingers crossed for the next post!


	3. Chapter 3

Another chapter, much faster than the first. I'm on a roll now that school's started for some reason.

Well, I'll keep this quick. I don't own Familiar of Zero or anything else referenced in this story. Especially Yu-Gi-Oh.

* * *

Saito's actions against his master the next week could not be called war so much as light skirmishes that occurred throughout each day. Four of the days he made a point too not wake up until Louise woke him, which was an annoyance too her. "Stupid familiars that need to be woken up by their masters need to be punished," she'd snap, and ban him from eating breakfast. Each time he apologized profusely with a smile on his face and accepted her punishment with good grace. Each day Saito didn't argue, but would drag his feet for the rest of the morning. He never complained, but he'd tell her when she berated him that it was hard to do things without food, which she'd know if she had ever gone hungry. Each night he also mentioned that the cold stone made it difficult to sleep.

On the fourth day Louise got him a cot with a small blanket and pillow. The next day Saito was up bright, early, and cheerful to wake her up and help her prepare for the day. Ditto for the rest of that week.

When Louise would order him to carry her books before flouncing off to her next class Saito would follow her to the class with her books. Two of them, at least, but not the rest. When she'd snap at him he'd apologize humbly and make another trip, returning with another book. And again. And again. He explained that he wasn't certain which books were hers, and he would hate to accidentally _steal_ something that belonged to another noble. Wouldn't that be horrible?

So Louise raged, and screamed, and grumbled, and either carried most of the books herself for a day or two or gave him stupidly specific instructions and double-checked him several times. Then she once absentmindedly asked him to grab them while she was distracted arguing with Montmorency about current fashions. It wasn't until the next class began and she realized her error that she was about to berate him and run back to get the rest herself…when she realized he'd brought all of them on his own.

In response to her comment Saito simply said, "Of course. You asked me to, so why wouldn't I?" That had put an odd look on Louise's face as she started to put things together, and she spent part of the sixth day experimenting with ordering Saito to do something once, and later asking him to preform the same task. Her familiar kept a faint smile on his face the entire time, but she didn't confront him.

During this week Louise would often send him down to get a bucket of water to wash her face with in the morning. And of course, she'd make him do the washing as well. That stopped once he brought up some water that wasn't quite as clean as she'd have liked on the third day. (Unknown to her, this spared her a run-in with some charcoal me'd had planned for the next day.) Louise got in the habit of getting the bucket herself before she went up to bed, although on the sixth day she simply requested politely that he do it, which he did without complaint.

She also made him clean her room during the week as well, and he still gave her a headache _without_ breaking anything. Nothing was broken, but when Louise was in the room watching him there were several close calls, which grated across her nerves. He'd drop or mishandle her numerous potion bottles and the containers for her amassed catalysts, and only stop them from breaking at the last moment. She suspected (correctly) that her familiar was doing it on purpose, but he was so apologetic and accepting of his punishment that there was nothing she could do.

When she didn't stay in the room and watch him, however, she'd return to find everything reorganized, including the furniture. Not a bad thing necessarily, but it was confusing and not a little annoying. She rarely used her catalysts once she'd established that they didn't work for her, and the only potions she normally drank were to aid with cramps, but she liked to know where they were. When she demanded he return everything to its proper place he apologized and explained that he didn't remember what went where. Thus she spent the better part of an hour instructing him on where everything went.

The one thing Saito was never incompetent at was helping her with her magic. Each day, except for one occasion where she had to write an essay, they snuck out of the castle and into the woods where Louise would work on demolishing more trees in more creative ways. Saito would coach her as she worked on her aim, power, and control of her explosions. He'd also say that he was coming up with ideas for them to try later that might help her. It was the one time Saito was completely focused, competent, and in control of himself, and Louise found herself looking forward to those times for more than one reason.

On the seventh day Louise ended up grabbing the broken pair of panties without paying attention. She had only gotten out the door and down the hall when the cling gave out and they fell around her ankles, tangling up her legs. She tripped and nearly tumbled down the stairs, but Saito wrapped an arm around her waist first. No harm done except to her ego, and he cautioned her to be more careful. She didn't explode, shriek, or pull out her wand/riding crop (both of which she'd used once or twice before on him).

Louise just looked at him, frowned, tapped her foot, and then decided to return to her room. She politely requested that he bring up a tray for the both of them, and promptly changed into better clothes while Saito was gone.

"You _are_ doing it on purpose, aren't you?" was the first thing out of her mouth after Saito had returned with her breakfast, which she saw was more than satisfactory.

"You'll need to be more specific than that, master," Saito said mildly.

"Sabotaging me," Louise snapped. "Insubordination. Rebelliousness!" Her fingers twitched for her riding crop, or possibly her wand, but she didn't pull it out.

"I'm afraid I don't know what you mean, master. I thought I've done everything you ordered me to."

"Yes, you've done everything I said, but not what I _wanted!_ I have to hold your hand and look over your shoulder if I want to do anything, and it would often be faster if I just did it myself, regardless of how ignoble it would be!" Louise paused in her rant and took a few calming breaths.

"But," she continued, "I've figured out that that's only when I _order_ you to do something. A simple request is met with the competence and efficiency I've come to expect and," she paused as though the word tasted unpleasant, but forced it out anyway, "appreciate from you. Moreover, these instances of incompetence never occur when we are experimenting with my spell casting. It is blatantly obvious that you are doing it on purpose.

"It is also self-apparent that attempting to discipline it out of you would only exacerbate the situation," Louise continued. "You proved to me in our first conversation, and then again when you began helping me cast that you are intelligent. There is a reason for your actions, I presume.

"Therefore, I would have this reason from your own lips, and I would request that such actions cease and desist."

There was a pause as Saito mulled her words over, and a smile—not polite or cunning, but genuinely proud—spread over his face. He nodded once and opened his mouth to explain, only to be cut off by a rumble of his stomach. Louise tossed him a roll from her tray without taking her eyes off of him, and took a bite for herself from a second. Saito blinked at her, nodded his thanks, and swallowed a mouthful down. Then he spoke.

"My master is," he began but got no further.

"Stop that, too," Louise interrupted with a frown. "You wear your manners like a mask, and I find it slightly annoying. In public with others around it may and will be perfectly acceptable, but there are no others here to observe or judge. I want to talk to you the way we did at our first meeting, after I summoned you. No polite evasions or half-truths. If master and familiar are to get along, there must be honesty between us." Saito's lips quirked.

"As you—Okay," he agreed. "You're right, I was doing it on purpose. I had two reasons. One was I wanted to have this exact talk, where we could sit down and decide what being master and familiar meant, what was expected of each of us, and that sort of stuff."

"Decide what? You are a familiar and I am your mast—"

"That's exactly what I want to avoid," Saito interrupted blithely. Louise twitched, but didn't interrupt him back. "I may be a familiar, but I'm not an animal. I'm a person, a human, with thoughts, wants and opinions of my own. It makes sense that the rules would have to be different, right?"

"Continue," Louise said simply.

"Normal animals are mostly a blank slate, right? They don't bring anything with them from their pasts, and they don't have a problem with following their master for the rest of their lives. The thought of leaving never crosses their mind. I'm different," Saito explained. "I could leave, if I wanted. I could walk out of the castle one night and you'd never see me again, unless there were some way to track me with these." He waved the hand with the familiar runes. Louise looked worried.

"You…you wouldn't, right?" she asked. Saito was her one proof of casting magic that didn't blow up, her only evidence of actually being a mage, and the only person who had had faith in her casting and successfully helped with her magic. Losing him was not a pleasant prospect.

"If I was going to, I wouldn't have brought it up," he told her with a reassuring smile, "but the thought had crossed my mind back in the first few days of our partnership. But that's not all I could do. Imagine if instead of me you'd got a violent criminal or something as a familiar, and they decided to slit your throat while you slept. Or worse, take advantage of you. You see why having a human as a familiar would be different?" Louise blanched.

"I…yes," she said shakily. "Letting someone like that into my room…erg." She shuddered.

"So I want us to just take a chance to sit down, talk about what each of us will and won't do as master and familiar, and where to draw the lines."

"That…that is a good idea," Louise conceded, and drew herself up haughtily. "It says ill things of me that it was you who thought of such a thing and not I. Is now an appropriate time to do so?"

Saito looked at her evenly. "You're teasing me, aren't you?" The short noble cracked a grin and stuck her tongue out at him. He grinned back. "Yeah, I figure now's a good time, since it's your day off from classes, and we're still thinking of it."

"Very well then," Louise said, resuming her haughty posture. "You kind and merciful mistress grants you permission to begin your pleas."

"Thou art oh so gracious," Saito deadpanned with a courtly bow. "The first thing is just the general way I'm treated, lodgings, food, etc. Have you ever seen the servants' quarters, Louise? Or sat in on one of their meals?"

"Of course not. It would be completely unbecoming."

"Well, I won't go into too much detail, but they all get treated better than I do. Better food, better lodgings, and more respect. Just take a moment to think about how you talk to the servants who clean the halls or serve you food: you say excuse me, please, and thank you mostly as a matter of habit. You treat them better than you do me." Louise mulled it over and winced.

"I…you are correct. I've been thinking of you as my familiar—"

"And familiars are animals that don't need much in the way of respect," Saito finished. "I'm not saying I want preferential treatment, but I'd like you to change your point of view. Stop thinking of me as a familiar—and thus an animal—and try thinking of me as a trusted bodyguard or something." Saito picked up the sword from his battle with Guiche, relishing the rush it gave him, and made several blindingly fast passes through the air. "I think I'd make a pretty good bodyguard, ne?"

"That is perfectly acceptable," Louise nodded, eyeing the sword. "I…I apol—apologize for my improper treatment of you before," she forced herself to say. "I will compose myself appropriately and treat you with the respect due to your station henceforth." Saito's lips quirked. "And I realize I still haven't been told as to how you defeated Guiche so easily, either."

_Huh. I notice that she didn't actually say she was going to treat me better or with more respect. Still, unless she's picked up a lot more trickery from me than I thought, it's as good as a promise in her eyes._

"Can we wait to talk about Guiche and the sword until we finish this?" Saito asked. "I don't want to get off topic right when we're getting things done." Louise nodded. "Good. Now, that was my first request. Your turn, and then I'll go again, and we'll keep going until we're done. That sound good?"

"Perfectly acceptable," Louise agreed. "I would like you to act with appropriate competence and propriety. I do not want any more of the insubordination we've been through this past week. Is that understood?"

"Not a problem," Saito agreed. "I'd like it if you phrased it as a request, but I'll do what you say, and what you _want_, if you'll show the proper appreciation and treat me like a human being. Anything else?"

"Yes. You said you staged most of this past week simply to have this conversation and address these issues. As I said, I do not want anything resembling this past week to occur again, so when you fell the need to express your, 'thoughts, wants, and opinions,' in the future I would appreciate it if you used words. I will listen, and things will be resolved much more quickly and painlessly."

"Deal," Saito agreed. "I'd like to work out what our taboos and limits are."

"Taboos?"

"Dressing, for one," Saito said. "I am a guy, after all. A human male. Seeing you unclothed and helping you dress or wash isn't unpleasant, but it is a bit odd and it gives other people things to gossip about. I'd just like to know once and for all whether—for the purposes of there being an _us_—I count as a male who must observe the rules of propriety and avoid perversion, or as a familiar who can be trusted in his master's…boudoir." He smirked.

Louise frowned, flushed slightly, and then her face evened out.

"I do not care what others whisper about me, or I would have left the academy long ago," she announced. "Aside from a few…slanderous comments, you have behaved as perfect gentleman during our time together, and I am willing to trust you. I admit that my own form is more appealing than that of von Zerbst's, despite the tasteless beliefs of the unintelligent rabble, but if you can resist her than I trust you to hold off such base impulses in my presence as well." Louise paused. "And you're doing that politeness thing again," she added in a more normal voice.

"Ah, sorry," Saito apologized. "The subject was a little awkward so I got a little defensive, I guess." _And I didn't mean to actually tell you that. Crud._

"Awkward," Louise mused. "Saito, _are_ you attracted to me?" Saito opened his mouth, closed it, and opened it again.

"My master's appearance…" He trailed off when Louise's eyebrow twitched. "Heh. Sorry. I'll admit that you are attractive, and I'd even say _stunning_ if you flaunted it right, but I think starting a relationship with _anyone_ would be a bad idea. I'm in a foreign country whose rules I don't really know, without any of my old friends, and as your familiar my first loyalty must be to you. That wouldn't be fair to anyone else I would start something with. And _us_ having a relationship would be a horrible idea. If it went bad we'd still have to spend the rest of our lives together with that hanging between us, and it would probably keep either of us from finding love afterwards since the other would always be nearby." Louise bit her lip and nodded.

_And now that I think of it, I believe I'm still engaged to Viscount Wardes,_ she remembered. _So we literally couldn't be together without breaking that off or committing adultery, neither of which is acceptable. And what would my parents think?_

"You're right. And now that I think of it, I may still be engaged in an arranged marriage, so we literally _couldn't_ be together." She nodded and met Saito's eyes. "But as for…my _boudoir_," she said drily, "I'm willing to trust you. If you promise to behave and it doesn't bring you discomfort I have no issue with your presence there. It's not as though you can see anything _else_ that you haven't already." Saito blinked, surprised.

_I...wasn't expecting that answer. I suppose it's just a cultural differences thing. _"As long as we've sorted that out I don't _mind_ being there, but I'd be much more comfortable if we could avoid complete nudity. Could you put your underclothes on unassisted before I help you dress?"

"I will," Louise agreed. "Is there anything else that you wish to settle?"

"Just one thing," Saito said. "As your familiar, I both obey your orders and act in your interests, right?"

"That's correct," Louise agreed. "Although I'll try to phrase them as requests, as per our discussion."

"Thank you, but it's the second thing I want to talk about."

"Acting in my interests?"

"Yeah. If I'm going to do that I first have to know what your interests are. What do you _want_? What are your goals? What fate do you want to _avoid_?"

Louise bit her lip. "I…" Saito laughed as she trailed off.

"Eheheheh. Sorry, I guess that was a bit of a big bomb to drop on you like this. I'm not saying you have to decide now, and I'm not saying that you can't change your mind later. I just think that you should decide where you want to be in five years so we can start working towards that. Do you want to follow through with your arranged marriage and settle down to become a mother? Do you want to join the army? Do you want to travel and see the world? Do you want to become a magical researcher so you can understand why you blow things up? Do you want to forsake your family and birthright and become a criminal that preys on the weak?"

"_What_! Of course not! How could you _suggest_ such a thing?" Louise shrieked, shocked by the last option. Saito just grinned.

"Great! Now that I know that you don't want to do that, I can help you avoid it happening. You see?" Louise glared as he smiled cheekily. Slowly she deflated into a sulk.

"Don't say such things," she grumbled. "Not even as a joke. Please."

"As you wish. Sorry." Louise blew out a thoughtful breath.

"I don't really have a plan yet, but I'll think about it," she promised. "Now…I was going to ask you about your fight with Guiche, but there's something else I want to know first."

"Ask away."

"You said there were two reasons for your actions this past week. One was this conversation. What was the second?"

"Oh? I wanted to teach my master an important lesson that too many nobles never learn."

"Which was?"

"If you stand on the top, it's risky to trample on the people below you." Louise blinked.

"Explain. Please," she added. Saito dropped to his hands and knees.

"It's like this. Imagine life as a pile of people. The common workers are at the bottom, merchants nearer the middle, and the nobles standing on the top. Right?"

"That makes sense. I've heard it described like that before," Louise agreed.

"Good. Now, to continue the example, you are above me in society, so you would stand on top of me." He motioned and Louise looked confused, but hopped off the bed and stepped onto Saito's back. "Okay. Now, you aren't very heavy, Louise, so I can stay like this for a long time. The commoners provide support and fealty to the nobles, right?"

"Yes. Commoners pay taxes in money, and farmers provide crops for their lord, and the people work on roads and bridges when the lord thinks they need to be built, and such things. And they work as servants, like in the castle. Cooks and maids, and such."

"Exactly. The commoners provide support to the nobles just like I'm supporting you now. But it goes both ways, right? The lords are supposed to watch over the commoners?"

"Yes. The nobility provides protection from bandits, food in times of famine, shelter during storms and hard winters, care in case of plague, and other such things."

"Right. So that would be symbolic of you feeding me, giving me clothes, etc., since while I'm supporting you I can't get those things for myself. But what do you think would happen if you stopped doing that, and instead started stomping, jumping, and just generally hurting me while on my back?"

"You'd get hurt and eventually die?" Louise guessed. "Such things are despicable, however, and beneath the pride of the true nobility. Still, I know there are some rogues who do not care well for their people."

"Well, yes, I'd get hurt. But if I decided I didn't want to do this anymore and didn't want to die, something else could happen."

"What?"

"This." Saito suddenly surged to his feet, throwing Louise off of his back and onto the floor, cracking her head.

"Ow…" she groaned. Granted, she'd had a rug between her and the stone, but it still _hurt_. "What was that for?"

"An example. Imagine if every commoner, or even just some of them, decided to stop obeying the nobles. Decided to stop sending them food and taxes, stop cooking their meals and cleaning their castles, and stop building the roads and bridges."

"The nobles would call in the army and force them back into line," Louise said groggily. "Otherwise the kingdom would fall into ruin."

"And if the peasants fought back? A lot of them might get killed, but they'd take some soldiers with them. And either way, dead commoners aren't much more useful than revolting ones."

"That's…" Louise's head throbbed painfully.

"Moreover," Saito continued, "that's only if they openly revolt. Think about how much you rely on commoners, and how vulnerable you could be if they turned on you."

"How so?" she mumbled, as Saito stooped over and helped her back onto the bed.

"Commoners cook your food. If one of them—just one—put poison in something they could kill most of the people in the castle. Or they could come into your room while you sleep and slit your throat. Or they could just let an assassin in to do it for them and avoid the blame." Louise had paled.

"That's…they wouldn't—no one would—"

"You're right," Saito said, and his master blinked. "Most of them are good, honest people. They would never hurt someone, much less commit murder. But it doesn't have to be that blatant. What I did this past week was just an extreme version of what many of them already do to rebel. Have you ever heard of your fellow nobles complain about how all commoners are ignorant, stupid, clumsy, and unclean? Things like that?"

"Yes, occasionally," Louise admitted. "But I've never had problems myself, and most of the people who say such things are not very pleasant, so I tend to ignore them."

"Well, consider this. The people who say it don't say it because it's true. Instead, it's just that almost all the commoners they meet are purposefully stupid, clumsy, lazy and incompetent because it's the only way they can object to the nobles' cruelty. When they tell us to do something we do it badly so that they squirm, rage, and stop giving useless orders." Louise's mouth clicked shut.

"That…makes sense," she breathed quietly. "So you did that to teach me…what? Not to step on the commoners? To treat them with respect?"

"In a nutshell," Saito agreed. "I'm not saying you have to treat everyone as friends and equals, but using good manners goes a long ways. The carrot works better than the stick, if you know what that phrase means."

"We have it here, too," Louise acknowledged. "I'll keep what you've said in mind. Although…this brings to mind something else I've been thinking about, that I'd like to discuss with you, Saito."

"Oh? Go ahead, master." Louise turned to look at him and held his gaze for several long moments. What she said next was a statement, not a question.

"Saito, you're not actually a noble, are you."

…

…

…

Saito raised his eyebrows. "I was wondering when you'd figure that out," he noted, idly rubbing his right wrist. Then he blinked. "Wait, I didn't mean to tell you that." He blinked again. "Or that. Or—gah!" He covered his face with his hands and took several calming breaths. When he looked back at Louise, she hadn't moved an inch. "What makes you say that?"

"Several things," Louise said with a shrug, finally looking away. "To begin with, you never actually _told me_ that you were a noble. You just laid out a number of suggestions. When you were being clever the past week I started wondering what else you'd been clever about." Saito smiled grimly.

"Is that all?"

"Nothing definite, I admit, but I remember what you said. How would a noble look, or talk, or act? You played off my guesses and assumptions to make me think that, since you were so smart, you were obviously too smart to be a commoner." She paused. "Except that we've spent the past half-hour talking about how commoners can be smart, or subtle, or brave. Also, you were too accepting of it when I fell back into bad habits and treated you as an animal. I could believe you posing as a commoner, but I can't believe you would have waited _this long_ to have this talk with me if you were really a noble."

"Oh? But I knew enough to help your magic. How would a commoner know that?"

"I don't know enough about your homeland to be certain, but you've said there were many differences. Perhaps that was one of them," she answered idly, looking away contemplatively. "Also, you didn't know that your excuse about not having your wand doesn't hold up. One of the first things I did when I started blowing things up was try no less than five different wands. Other nobles also have no problem using replacements or substitutes if they lose or break their own wand."

"Really?"

"Yes. Some wands might be more suited for a certain mage, but ultimately you can use any wand with _some_ proficiency. It's just that one for you personally works best. Also, the way you just used your politeness as a mask for whatever you really were feeling…well, it was another straw on the mule's back." Louise turned back to look at him. "But the most telling thing is that you _still_ haven't denied the accusation yet."

Saito failed to fight off a smirk, but at least held back his snort of laughter.

"If I told my master that she was wrong and I was a noble, would she believe me? And if I told her she was right, would it get me beaten by her riding crop?" Louise flushed and looked away guiltily.

"Off course not," she huffed. "Such actions would be completely unbecoming of a noble even if my familiar were not a human! Have you ever seen Tabitha use her staff on her dragon? Has Kirche ever drawn a wand on the salamander? Has Guiche ever done such a thing to discipline his mole? And the fact that my familiar is a human makes it even more unacceptable!"

"It gladdens me to hear that, master."

"You're doing it again," Louise warned him, turning back to look him in the eye. "And yes, if you told me that you were a noble I would believe you. I'd apologize, drop the subject, and never bring it up again. Are you going to tell me that you're a noble?" Saito opened his mouth, closed, and looked down at his left hand. Looking back up he nodded. _The runes...I wonder if they're why lying is so much harder now. I just don't want to._

"You're right, I'm not a noble. At least, not as you'd think of it. But given the circumstances, do you really blame me?"

"No," Louise admitted reluctantly, wrinkling her nose, "but I'd rather you not do it again. There should not be such secrets between a master and familiar! In the future, will you speak the plain truth?"

"Well…there are some things I feel I can't or don't want to tell you. Will you accept my refusal to talk about them when they come up?"

"If you speak honestly on other subjects, I will."

"Thank you. Also, I might play with your head a little just because it's fun. Do you mind?" Louise snorted.

"Yes, but not much. Just be prepared for retribution if that occurs, familiar," she said ominously, only to ruin the threat by giggling. _Although on second thought, that giggle might just make it more frightening_…

"Deal. Do your worst," Saito dared, and they both shared a laugh. "You wanted to know more about my fight with Guiche?"

"Yes. I still haven't heard your explanation for how you won so handily, when you claimed to be unskilled before," Louise said.

"I'm not too sure about that either," Saito admitted. "I was rather desperate at some points. I think it was the familiar runes." He held up his hand for inspection.

"The runes?"

"Yes. Watch." Saito picked up the sword and showed Louise the glow. "I feel a lot stronger and faster now, and it's like the sword is a part of my arm."

"I see…" Louise breathed. "I've heard that some familiars will get special abilities when they bond. Black cats become able to speak the human tongue, moles can sniff out the quality of gold and jewels, and swans can shed their feathers and take on human form. The idea of a human being able to use a weapon isn't too odd, I suppose."

"I think it's just a sword," Saito admitted. "I was holding three kitchen knives before then and didn't feel anything, so I doubt it's any weapon. Pity. I'd love to get that boost with a bow and arrow."

"You're an archer?"

"And I'm somewhat skilled with firearms. Do you have those here? I've never checked."

"Muskets? Yes, but they aren't very common. Most line-class mages can stop one, so their use against mages is limited, and commoners can be easily beaten with magic. Often a lord will have two or three for hunting that he might loan or rent to a commoner, and I've heard that the army is forming a squad that specializes in them, but as I said their use is limited."

"I see."

"Also, familiar…you punched a hole in Guiche's golem before you picked up the sword. _Punched._ I remember you saying that you broke your hand, but that still doesn't explain _how?_"

"Oh, that? That was magic." The room went silent. So quiet that Saito could hear the sound of the candle burning, never mind how deafening a dropped pin would be.

"_Magic!"_ Louise squawked. "You mean you _are_ a mage? I thought you said you weren't!"

"I'm not."

"Then how could you use magic?"

"I never said it was _my_ magic."

"Not your—someone else interfered with the duel?"

"No, it was only me and Guiche."

"Then how—?" Louise squawked, and deflated at seeing Saito's grin. "You're messing with me again, aren't you?"

"Yes, but I'm being completely honest too," he assured her. "It's this." He held out his left wrist, and Louise eyed the bracelet on it. It was a silver chain with a crescent clasp, and ten small stones—seven black and three white—hung from it.

"The bracelet? Is it enchanted?"

"Yes," Saito told her. "Each of those stones you see has a spell stored in it that I can use. I'm what's known as star-touched, which means I can use magic even though I can't cast it."

"Explain more." Saito blinked at her. "Please," Louise added. He smiled.

"Magically speaking, there are three types of people in my homeland. The first are the mages. The second are the star-blind, which are people with no magic at all."

"The commoners."

"Not quite, and they're actually rather uncommon. When I say no magic I mean that it's difficult even to affect them with magic."

"So if you cast a fireball at them, they won't get burned?"

"No, that would work, because it's the fire hurting them instead of the magic. But if you try to heal them with magic it won't work. And if they drink a potion nothing will happen. And you can't tell their future or read their mind."

"Oh. That seems…not healing is bad but, I wouldn't want my mind read."

"It's a mixed blessing," Saito said noncommittally. "And then in the middle are the star-touched. They can't cast magic, but it can affect them. And if you give them an enchanted object they can use it. That's why I can use the bracelet."

"I see. So each of those will let you destroy a golem?"

"No. Five of them are attack spells, and five of them are other things. One for healing, one defense, one is for transportation, one to restrain somebody, and one is supposed to create a bright flash that you can use to blind people or signal for help. They change from black to white when you use the spell stored in them."

"I see. So you used one to destroy the golem—"

"Two, actually," Saito admitted. "I wasn't sure how powerful the spells were or how strong the golem was, so I thought better safe than sorry. And I didn't release them until I punched it, so I broke bones and burned myself with the spell, remember? Not the best idea, but it worked."

"And now everyone thinks that you can rip apart metal golems with your bare hands," Louise added. "It took three days before anyone called me Zero again. Von Zerbst, of course," she gritted out. Then she forced herself to relax. "You mean that when you picked up the sword your runes did something?"

"Yes. That's sort of why I wanted to keep the sword," Saito explained. "That way if I needed to I could do it again."

"I see. What was the other spell you used?"

"Other spell?"

"I can count, familiar. You said you used two of the attacks to destroy the golem, but three of the stones are white. What was the third spell?"

"You're intelligent. Guess," Saito prompted. Louise narrowed her eyes.

"It wasn't during the duel…but I think you still had all of them when I summoned you…the transportation spell. You tried to use it to go home."

"Yes," Saito admitted, "but it didn't work. If it had I could have just used another one to come back, and since it didn't, no harm, no foul." Louise humphed unhappily, turning away.

"I suppose I can't fault you that, familiar. But if you do find a way to return home than make sure you find a way back, as well. You're my one proof that I can do things other than explosions, and if you're gone but alive I won't be able to summon another familiar."

"Will do, master." Louise hopped off the bed.

"Well, today's the day of the Void, a free day, and I know what I'm going to do with it!"

"Oh?"

"We're going to the city and buying you a proper sword!" Louise announced.

"This one is fine, master."

"That one is a conjured sword. I'm impressed that it's lasted a week, but I doubt it will last much longer. Besides," she exclaimed, "you are my familiar—my trusted guard and servant. Is it not fitting that your master outfit you with the best equipment that money can buy? Anything less and people will think I have small pockets, or am stingy."

"So it's a chance to show off, the same way you would by wearing a new dress to a ball or riding around in a fancy carriage," Saito summed up.

"Exactly!" Louise agreed shamelessly. "Now let us be off!"

* * *

The capitol of Tristain was not what Saito would have called large, but Louise was clearly proud of it. She led him through the streets pointing out landmarks and explaining pieces of history. Saito kept half of his attention on his master, filtering out what were probably distortions of history and propaganda, and half on everyone else. No one made a big deal out of it, but everyone politely got out of his master's way as she passed, shooting looks at them and whispering behind their hands.

The few snatches he caught didn't involve her name or 'Zero' so Saito guessed that it had less to do with Louise possibly and more to do with nobles in general. It was something to keep in mind, at least.

"Here we are," the strawberry blonde announced, leading him into a good-sized weapon shop on a main street.

"Oh! A noble customer," the owner realized, standing up straighter. He bowed. "Welcome to the finest armory in the city, milady! Look around and see what fits your fancy!"

"I'm looking for a sword," she authoritatively. The merchant raised his eyebrow.

"A sword, eh? A bit of an odd request, if you don't mind my saying so, ma'am. You know what they say: soldiers swing swords, priests have their ceremonial staves, and nobles wave wands."

"It's not for me, it's for my familiar," she corrected, motioning to Saito. The person in question had turned off to one side, looking over some knives hanging on a wall.

"For him, eh? Well, I think I can find milord something appropriate," the storekeeper said, considering.

"Spare no expense," Louise ordered haughtily. "I can't have a familiar of mine being shoddily out-fitted! Bring out the best of your wares!"

"The best, eh," he muttered, and stepped into a back-room.

"You're overdoing it," Saito murmured to Louise. She made a questioning noise and he elaborated. "Turn down the volume and assertiveness just a little. Confident and assured, but not assertive. It'll make things smoother." Louise nodded hesitantly and one could almost see her metaphorically smoothing out her puffed-up feathers. Her face had a more serene cast when the shopkeeper returned.

"This," he said proudly, "was made by the famous Germanian alchemist Lord Shupei. It is the finest sword I carry, and I would be honored if milady would give it her opinion."

The long-sword was a work of beauty that caught and ensnared the eye. The double-edged blade shone brightly even in the low light, appearing almost to glow. It was decorated with gold gilt and many small gemstones. There was delicate scrollwork over the hilt and guard, and minute engravings on the blade.

_I want it,_ was Saito's first impulse, and he dragged his eyes away to see that Louise was similarly enthralled at the sight.

"Could I try a few passes with it?" he asked. The owner obligingly handed it over, and Saito frowned as he took it. The familiar made a few awkward slashes through the air, sighed dejectedly, and handed it back while shaking his head. "Pity. I'd really wanted this one."

"My lord can't have found a flaw in the blade! This is the finest piece we carry," the storekeeper objected.

"Familiar, was something wrong?" Louise asked sharply, tearing her eyes away from the work of art. Saito took the blade back to demonstrate.

"The sword is wonderful, but while I'm not exactly a specialist, this one isn't right for me. It's the wrong length and weight to feel comfortable, and I'm not used to wielding a sword of this style. I really, _really_ want it, but it's not something I'm going to use. Maybe if we need to go somewhere fancy, like at court, we could come back and get it…but for now I need something more functional than flashy."

"I can't imagine there will be many occasions where you _need_ a sword aside from to show off," Louise objected. "It's not as though we are going to go on dangerous missions, fight in a war, rescue a prince or princess, or stop a thief. Maybe you'll need to show off during the festival next week, but this sword should work just as well as Guiche's for that."

"Not really…" Saito said dejectedly, passing the sword to his left hand and holding it in front of Louise's face. "Look."

"What am I supposed to…" Louise trailed off. Saito was holding the sword, but his runes weren't glowing. _God's blood!_ "My familiar is correct, shopkeep. We'll have to find another sword. Still, there's no reason we cannot buy this one as well. How much?"

"Three thousand gold," he answered, causing Louise to choke.

"Th-three thousand gold! You can buy a country estate for that much!"

"A truly great sword is worth far more than a mere house, milady," he said sagely.

"Absolutely not! Besides which, I only brought one hundred fifty gold! Show me something cheaper!"

"Well…" he began, but Saito interrupted.

"Master," he said quietly, laying a hand on her shoulder. "Could I ask a favor of you?"

"What?"

"Would you go see if you can find a sword of a certain style from the ones over there? Single-edged, like a very long kitchen knife?" he asked, pointing towards the barrel of lower-quality swords. "Any of them should work and be in our price-range, and I can haggle with the store owner." Louise knew he was trying to send her a message, but Founder's _teeth_ if she could figure out what it was! She wanted to shake him and ask him to speak plainly, but the one part she did understand was that it was supposed to be kept secret from the storeowner.

Lacking information, she decided to simply see how this played out, and merely nodded magnanimously before walking away. Saito turned back to the owner, who eyeing him—not warily, as he had no reason to be wary, but curiously.

"Three thousand gold?" Saito asked drily. "Doesn't that seem a little expensive?" The shopkeeper's facial congeniality slammed shut.

"If you're trying to make me lower my prices by threatening me, then I should warn you that I have friends in high places," he growled.

"Yes, and I want to help you get friends in higher places," Saito agreed, causing him to blink. "I think you're on the verge of passing up a wonderful opportunity here."

"What would that be?" the man gruffed.

"My master, while young, is a member of house Valliere. I see you've heard of it," he added when the man's eyebrows rose. Granted, Saito didn't know exactly how powerful Louise's family was, but he had enough clues that they were at least moderately well off. "Now, my master has slightly shallow pockets at the moment, but she is anything but stingy. She's just spent most of her pocket money buying ingredients and catalysts."

"And?"

"And you have a chance to make a good first impression," Saito answered softly. "This is her first time buying weapons, but it will not be her last. However, it might be her last at this shop if she doesn't like what she gets. But on the flip-side, if she gets a good deal for good wares, she'll be back with a bigger purse."

"So…" the storekeeper began contemplatively, and Saito jumped on the thought.

"So if she gets a good deal this time, she'll be back for more with more to spend, and you get more profit. And best of all, my master can be a bit boastful. You can be certain that she'll talk about this place, and another nobles will drop by to take a look," Saito elaborated, dropping the hook. The man grinned.

"That much business…would be a lot of gold," he agreed slowly. Saito was going to agree when Louise's shriek rang out, followed by an almost deafening clatter of metal.

"You pervert!" Saito spun around to find Louise backing away from an overturned barrel of swords. At first he didn't see who she was screaming at, but then a voice rang out.

"Hey, what's wrong with complimenting a girl on her looks? Sure, you've got a ways to grow yet, but I'm sure that'll change after you turn twelve or thirteen," a jovial male voice said. Saito blinked, still not seeing anyone. Or not a person, at any rate.

"Derf! Stop harassing the customers!" the horrified owner yelled, storming over. "I swear, this time I really am going to melt you down for scrap metal!"

"Is that a talking sword?" Saito asked dumbly. Indeed, in the storeowner's hands was a long, rusted, single-edged blade, which was thicker and heavier than a katana, and which was clearly projecting a voice.

"Yes, I am a talking sword! In fact, I am none other than the legendary Derflinger, winner of a thousand wars! Bow and worship in awe, mere mortals!"

"I cannot apologize enough, milady," the owner said earnestly. "I only keep this thing around for the show, and because he's good to talk to when I'm in the forge, but he's been a little out of control for a while now."

"We'll take it," Saito said suddenly, still staring dumbly at Derflinger.

"You'll what?" the shopkeeper asked.

"We'll what!" Louise yelped. "No! I do not want that thing anywhere near me! It called me a little kid!"

"Hey, I said you'd be quite a looker once you hit puberty," the sword corrected.

"I'm _sixteen,_" Louise growled. "Why do you want that thing, Familiar?"

"Familiar? A human familiar," Derflinger mused.

"Master, have you ever heard of a talking sword?" Saito asked.

"…No? Maybe once or twice in stories. Why?"

"Rule number seven: when you find a grail in the garbage you should pick it up, clean it off, and use it," Saito quoted. Louise raised an eyebrow. "Basically, when fate or fortune or sheer dumb luck hands you a rare magical artifact or advantage, you should use it and abuse it every chance you get. Something like that seems extremely valuable."

"Finally, someone realizes my true worth," the sword rejoiced. "Hey kid, come closer."

"May I?" Saito asked the store owner, holding out his hand as he walked up. The man handed over the blade, and Saito grinned when his runes instantly began to glow. "Definitely a keeper," Saito murmured. Then he whipped Derflinger through the air invisibly fast, passing by weapons hanging on the wall. There was a single clatter of metal as the severed iron spear-tip he'd cut fell to the floor.

"So, you are a user, eh," Derflinger said wisely. "It seems you've started to figure some things out already."

"I didn't see you move," the owner breathed nervously.

"Even with a rusted blade like that," Louise muttered, impressed. The cut he'd made in the spear was perfectly smooth, and slightly shiny to her eye.

"I guess it is a little rusted," Saito mused. "You'd like to be polished up, I bet. Sharpened, maybe?"

"Partner, I believe this may be the beginning of a beautiful friendship," Derflinger said happily.

"How much is it?" Saito asked.

"O-one hundred gold pieces?" the merchant suggested.

"Humph!" Derflinger snorted. "This is the first time he's asked for more than sixty in years!"

"Throw in a kit to polish him up and we'll take it," Saito said charitably. Then, remembering, he turned back to Louise. "If my master agrees, that is."

"One hundred for that annoyance," Louise grumped. "…Fine. My purse," she ordered, which Saito produced from his sub-space pocket. She and the owner walked away to the counter to count out the money and Saito began obligingly putting the swords back in the barrel. Then something caught his eye on the wall and he paused. A quick test proved that it would work with his runes as well.

"How much for some throwing knives?" he called.

"Four for twenty gold," was the response, and Saito shot Louise a questioning look.

"Fine," she relented, rolling her eyes, and counted out the extra money. "At least I have a little left…"

Saito hung Derflinger's scabbard from his belt and disappeared the knives and wallet into his pocket, and then they walked back out into the city.

* * *

"Did you really have to get such an annoying weapon, familiar?" Louise groused on the road back to the Academy.

"Yes, I really did," Saito answered, wincing as his horse jostled more than he was comfortable with. "Do we really have to ride these?"

"What, you don't expect to walk everywhere, do you?" Louise asked haughtily. "But seriously, why were you so insistent? Certainly, a talking sword is rather unique, but…well, I can't see I really see the point."

"Several reasons," Saito sighed, and Louise turned to pay him slightly more attention. "First off, it's obviously magical. If it can talk, then it makes sense to think that it can do other things as well. And even if it can't a talking sword is still very useful."

"I'm liking you more and more, partner," Derflinger commented.

"How so?"

"First, if it can talk and understand and reason, that means it can also remember. That means that it can tell us about everything it's done, every battle it's fought in, every person who ever used it…that's a lot of information."

"Well, maybe not _that_ much," the sword hedged. "It's been a long six thousand years, and I'm having trouble remembering anything from more than five centuries ago."

"S-six thousand years," Louise choked.

"That's…wow," Saito said simply. "Even most magical swords would have rusted into scrap by then. So you've definitely got more magic than just talking."

"Yeah, but _dulled_ if I can remember it all!" the sword laughed.

"But basically, master, I just bought a sword of great age and unknown but presumably great power…really cheaply," Saito said. "It was a bargain. What's more, Derflinger, you never need to sleep or eat, right?"

"Of course not, I'm a sword," it replied. "A whetstone and polish is all I ask."

"And I intend to provide," Saito assured it. "But that means that, for instance, we could keep Derflinger in the room at night and he'd shout out a warning if, for instance, an assassin entered."

"But he doesn't have eyes to see with," Louise objected.

"So. Who needs those lumps of water," the sword replied. "I could tell you were a little girl just fine."

"_I am not little!"_

"Wow, you two argue a lot," Saito laughed. "Can't we all just get along? But that means that in addition to watching when we sleep, Derflinger could, for instance, warn if someone were coming up behind us."

"Sure could, partner! Do you want me to do that?"

"It would be nice, yes."

"Okay then! Because there's a dragon with two riders flying down as we speak!"

"Wait, what?" Louise asked, looking over her shoulder as Saito twisted around, palming a throwing knife. Then both their horses shrieked as the dragon descended in a gust of wind. Louise barely got hers under control while Saito was bucked completely off. Inches from the ground gravity seemed to stop affecting him and he floated down gently.

"Why did I let her talk me into riding?" he grumbled as he got up, dusted himself off, and nodded his thanks to Tabitha, who had caught him with a levitation spell. She had also, he saw, caught both his and Louise's horses in similar spells, holding them three inches off the ground so that they couldn't panic and run. Then he heard a cry, and suddenly he couldn't see anything anymore.

"Oh, darling!" Kirche exclaimed, crushing him tighter and tighter to her chest. "Oh, darling, it has been so long that that midget Zero has kept us apart! But now I have something with which to seal our love forever!"

"Von Zerbst!" Louise squawked. "Release my familiar at once! He has no interest in any of your perverse gifts!" Her attempt to storm over to them was limited by the fact that she was still on her _floating_ horse. She managed first to dismount skillfully, and then came storming over with a face like thunder.

"Oh?" Kirche asked innocently. "Not even…this?" she produced the sword that they had turned down from the store, and Louise and Saito found themselves both having their eyes drawn towards it.

"That sword," Louise whispered.

"How did you…?" Saito wondered.

"Don't you just love it, darling?" Kirche squealed. A smile spread across the familiar's face.

"I appreciate it very much, Kirche. This is very generous of you," he said, taking the sword. "Thank you."

"Oh! Darling has accepted my love, and now we shall ride off together into the sunset!"

"What! Familiar, I refuse to allow you to accept that! Return it at once!"

"But master," Saito pouted, turning a pair of puppy-dog eyes on the noble, "it won't do any harm. Please? I can tell that you want it as much as I do."

"Absolutely not! I will not accept a gift from that woman!"

"Why not? It's a gift."

"Oh, the Zero is just mad because I've upstaged her once again in our family's rivalry," Kirche said dismissively. "A von Zerbst will always prevail in the game of love!"

"…Rivalry?" Saito asked.

"Love nothing!" Louise shrieked. "You von Zerbsts rely on base lust, perversions, and trickery to interfere with true love!" Kirche twitched.

"So you admit to loving darling after all! And I suggest you rethink your claim, Zero. The passion in a von Zerbst's blood will only ever allow them to aid true love, not that you or any of your repressed family have ever experienced that."

"No!" Louise yelped. "And my family has known love many times, von Zerbst! It's your family who steals our loved ones so callously, breaking the bonds you claim to support!"

"If it was true love, then do you suppose such bonds could be broken?" Kirche asked mockingly. "And was that a no about loving darling, or a no you haven't known love?"

"No don't love him, he's my familiar," Louise snarled back. "Furthermore I'll have you know that I'm already engaged!"

"Oh? I really wish to _meet_ such a man, in that case," Kirche said lewdly. "I'm sure it would be very…enlightening."

"You won't get within a mile of him, slut," Louise snapped.

"Is that a challenge, bastard?" Kirche countered.

The two drew their wands simultaneously and aimed, but neither opened their mouths to chant. Saito jumped between them before either broke the stalemate.

"Master, please stop," he pleaded, and then turned around to face the Germanian. "Please don't threaten my master, _Calamari_," he asked. Kirche sighed, melting at his words.

"Oh, darling, I so love that name! For your sake, then, I shall stay my hand," she agreed. Then, "What?" she asked sharply.

Louise, who had bitten her lip to keeping from laughing, giggled slightly. "Nothing," she chirped, her mood changed by the invocation of that name. Then she frowned. "But he still won't keep that trinket of yours, von Zerbst."

"Why not? He needs a sword as lovely as he is, and you certainly can't provide it, Zero."

"He already has a sword. A sword I got for him!"

"Yes, the shopkeeper told me you bought a rusted piece of scrap since you couldn't afford this beauty. Truly, I would have thought the Vallieres had avoided such a fate. Oh well," she sighed.

"It's an enchanted sword!" Louise snapped, "It's plenty valuable! Familiar, isn't your sword superior to the one she got?"

"Come now, darling, set the record straight and let her know how much superior the gift of a Zerbst is." Saito held his hands up and backed away from the two women who were eyeing him dangerously.

"Um, even if we both did want that one, and it is really great, Derflinger is pretty cool too," he hedged. "Though I wish Derflinger was in as good shape as this," he added without thinking.

"Yes!" Kirche squealed.

"Dog," Louise growled, pointing her wand.

"Don't cast," Saito yelped, rushing forwards and grabbing her arm. "_If it would do that to a tree it would do worse to me_," he hissed urgently, and Louise shifted guiltily. Her familiar had brought up what would likely happen to a human target of hers several times in the past, and warned her not to do so unless she was actively in danger. She wasn't comfortable with the possible results.

"You see Zero, even your familiar knows that your magic is bad news," Kirche taunted.

"Von Zebst," Louise growled, but Saito's grip wouldn't let her change her aim.

"A contest!" he yelped desperately, several ideas clicking together into a possibility to defuse the tension that was about to blow. "How about a contest to settle this, and the winner is right!"

"A duel?" Louise asked.

"Trial by combat?" Kirche echoed considerately.

"No no no no! No fighting each other! It would be like… a sporting event! With magic!"

"Hmm…sounds good to me," Kirche agreed, secure in her superiority.

"Familiar…" Louise questioned, but Saito caught her eye. He didn't nod or wink or mouth a message, but his very look implied _Trust me._ "Very well then! I assume you have a suggestion, familiar!"

"A contest of power," Saito explained. "Whoever casts the most powerful and destructive spell wins." Louise smirked as she realized his game was in her favor. "And to judge perhaps Miss…I don't believe we've been introduced," he said to Tabitha. Kirche was surprised by her friend's response.

Tabitha blinked once, looked up from her book, blinked a second time, and said, "Tabitha." Then instead of going back to her reading the Gallian closed her book to watch the proceedings. It was far more vocal and involved than Tabitha's usual reaction to people. _I wonder if they've met before,_ Kirche thought.

"Miss Tabitha," Saito said with a bow, "Would you judge which one casts the stronger spell?" She nodded once. "Alright then. We're in a forest, so there are plenty of trees to use. Calamari," Kirche sighed again, and Louise bit back a snicker, "can go first, and then master will follow. Whoever's tree is more destroyed wins."

"Fire specializes in passion and destruction," Kirche mused. "Doesn't it seem that this is in my favor, darling?"

"What makes you think that I don't want it to be in your favor," his eyes flicked over to Louise, "Calamari?"

"Oh, your love shows its true colors!" Kirche rejoiced. "Very well then. With the passion of your love backing me, my destruction shall be unparalleled!" She turned around and began to chant in a melodic voice, pointing her wand at a tree. "Flaring Embers," she finally intoned.

The tree, a large one at least one hundred years of age, ignited in a cloud of flame. The heat bloom reached them from several yards away, and it was a testament to Kirche's skill that the triangle-class spell burnt that tree without spreading to others.

It was a testament to her power that she held the spell for eight seconds before releasing it. She took several breaths and wiped the sweat of effort from her face before smiling brightly.

"Well, I believe that will be hard to beat," she boasted. The entire tree, which had not been a small sapling, had been utterly incinerated except for a piece of the stump and trunk half as high as Louise. The small noble swallowed and then steeled herself. She stepped forward, closed her eyes, and breathed as she called on the magic within her.

"Blast!" The 'bubble' she thought of as her magic was two-thirds the size of herself when she cast it through the wand and at a distant tree. Except for one time in training when Saito had her purposefully use as much magic as she could, it was the most powerful spell she had ever cast.

The explosion knocked them all off their feet.

Kirche sat up amidst the others' groans and was shocked to see a crater gouged in the ground where the tree had been. A crater surrounded by half a dozen other trees which had been knocked over. Her mouth was dry and she stared in shock as everybody else got to their feet as well.

"Well," she said finally, "a von Zerbst is graceful is the face of defeat," she admitted with a bow. Louise grinned and opened her mouth to gloat. "I suppose I'll have to change your name to 'One' now, Zero. Since you can do one thing right."

"Hey!" Louise squawked. Only for Kirche to shove the expensive sword in her face.

"Here, a memorial of your victory, and a trophy to keep for the ages," Kirches said magnanimously. Then she grabbed Tabitha and hopped onto Sylphid's back. "Ta ta!"

"That, that, that," Louise babbled as the two flew off. "That _woman_! She can't even stay and let me gloat about my victory, can she!"

"Well, at least we got a sword out of it," Saito said consolingly.

"Yes, at least we got a…she'd wanted to give us the sword from the get-go," Louise remembered.

"Well, she'd wanted to give it to me," Saito corrected.

"You are my familiar! I am your master! Same difference!" Louise raged. "How is it that I can win and that woman _still_ gets everything she wants?"

"Well, Calamari is rather tricky," Saito admitted with a shrug. Louise snorted.

"That name…you always know how to make a bad day better."

"I wouldn't call this a bad day," Saito objected with a pouty frown. "You got to beat your rival, I got two awesome swords, and we came to an agreement."

"_You_ got two awesome swords? Oh no. This is mine," Louise said possessively.

"You don't even use swords," he whined.

"So? You said that this is a sword to be worn, not used. I'll wear it and make everyone jealous."

"You said your families have a rivalry. Do you really want your family to know that you wear a gift from her?" Louise blanched violently and thrust the sword away from her. But when a grinning Saito reached out to take it she pulled it back.

"I'll tell them it's a war-trophy," Louise declared. "And I'll keep it and wear it and polish it and call it George."

"…What?" Saito asked, staring. Louise sighed.

"It's a quote from a popular children's series I read when I was little," she explained. "I didn't expect you to get it."

"Was it made by a large, childish being in reference to a smaller, smarter person he had taken as a pet?" Saito asked.

"…Yes," Louise said slowly. "How did you know that?" Saito shook his head.

"I'm sort of scared by the similarities in our cultures," he muttered. "Tell you what? You tell me about this series and I'll tell you about Bugs Bunny and Marvin the Martian."

"Bugs Bunny?" Louise said as they began to walk back to the castle. "That sounds a lot like Roger Rabbit."

"No, that's a different movie in my home world, but it's the same idea. I guess I need to start with the Loony Toons in general, though…"

* * *

"The more that seems similar, the stranger I feel," Louise mused, lying on her bed. She and Saito had spent the past two hours comparing various pieces of pop-culture from their worlds, and some of the ideas had really seized her imagination. In particular the 'giant mecha' and 'super sentai' ideas were both running through her head. "Maybe I should start writing some of this down," she murmured. Mages controlling giant metal golems to fight other-worldly monsters might be a little out there, but young girls like her using their magical powers to fight for the good of all…that was very appealing on some level.

A knock at her door interrupted her. "Who is it?" she called. Saito had left to spend time with the other servants in the building, and he knew he didn't need to knock. She'd asked why he spent time with them and he'd said that helping them kept him busy and was good for making friends. Well, to each their own. Louise would occasionally brew something outside of class, as it was the only magical thing she did that _didn't_ explode, whenever she needed to remind herself that she was really a mage, and not a commoner switched at birth like some people teased.

"It is I, Guiche de Gramont. May I have leave to enter your abode?" he called through the door.

"Yes. I offer you my hospitality if you come in benevolence," she replied back formally, rolling her eyes. It was an old, _very_ old, ritual address between nobles. Almost no one used it these days, not even the more conservative nobles. Granted, it was usually used for something more serious than entering another noble's room, though. Maybe this was important.

Louise rolled off her bed and faced the door as Guiche entered. "May I inquire as to your desire?" Louise asked formally. The blond was looking very nervous, holding a cloth-bound book to his chest like a shield and looking over his shoulder before he closed the door.

"I…I was wondering…please don't take this the wrong way," he requested quickly.

"I'm not going out with you," Louise said instantly. "Montmorency would kill me, and I'd never lower myself to being 'the other woman'." Granted she and Montmorency weren't on the best of terms anyway, as they competed for the title of best brewer in the class. Louise threw as much enthusiasm as possible into her one semi-successful skill in magic, but Montmorency's family history with potions had left her with experience and secret shortcuts that evened the gap. She seemed to take it as an insult, though, that the Zero could occasionally best her in her best subject, if not in anything else.

"No!" Guiche yelped. "It's not that, really! Nothing like that! I just…I know this is rather abnormal, but would you be willing to loan me your familiar?"

Louise's world tilted, her ears full of roaring as she processed the request.

"What." Her voice was dull, but threatening like a sledgehammer. Louise realized she had grabbed her riding crop and was tapping it against her empty hand. "Didn't you just say it was nothing like _that?_"

Guiche winced. "Please! I know this is odd, but I need to improve!" Telling your familiar to do something for someone else, such as gather catalysts or carry a message, was not very uncommon. Also, parents would often ask their familiar to watch over and aid their child if they had to be elsewhere—Louise had spent many happy days playing with her sisters and her mother's manticore while the duchess was away.

But the way Guiche had phrased it—_loaning_ him her familiar—was very uncommon. It implied the familiar being instructed to aid and support the other mage as though they were its master. It was a very personal thing to do, requiring great trust. Often only siblings, lovers, or the closest of comrades would ever entrust their familiar to another mage's supervision.

For two classmates who had only rarely spoken, and who had quarreled by proxy only a week ago, what Guiche was asking was almost _insultingly_ unthinkable.

"Why in the name of the Founder, the _five-fold elements_, and the merciful _moon_ would I ever loan you my _familiar_! The familiar who, need I remind you, you _dueled_ only a week ago!" _Merciful moon? That's my familiar's oath, isn't it. He must be rubbing off on me if I used it too._

"It's because I dueled him that I need help," Guiche begged, bowing as low as he could without total supplication. "Rumors of my loss to a commoner reached my family, and I fear that my name may be in danger!"

That stopped Louise cold. She felt as though her heart dropped into her stomach. "They're going to disown you for losing," she whispered, aghast. It was not the worst fate that could happen to a noble, but it was very near the top of the list. Only banishment, execution, or excommunication could compete. But something rubbed her wrong about the story. "Wait…my mother knew your father from her youth, and she spoke very highly of him. The man I was told of would never do such a thing for so little cause."

Guiche nodded miserably. "You are quite correct. My father would never do such a thing. However, my eldest brother is not so kind. He is very…proud, and such a loss shames our family, he feels. While my father lives, he has no authority, but my father will not live forever. Jean has written that he intends to test if I am worthy of the Gramont name when classes let out for the summer, with the implication that bad things will happen if I am found lacking."

"You have my sympathies," Louise told him sincerely. "In my mind I know that my parents would never do such a thing, no matter what my magic skills may be like, but I still have long feared suffering a similar fate. But why do you wish my familiar's aid?"

"My brother is a line mage, and a trained soldier. In short, he surpasses me in every way," Guiche admitted. "My father taught me that the best way to improve was to compete against my betters until I can match them. He claims that he himself would never have reached triangle-class had he not constantly sparred against none other than Karin the Heavy Wind in his youth." Louise reacted, and Guiche smiled proudly. "Yes, I was surprised to hear that my father knew Karin the Heavy Wind as well. I hope to achieve similar results by constantly setting my will against that of the man who originally defeated me: your familiar."

"I…see," Louise contemplated. "Very well then. My familiar is his own person, and you must seek his permission as well as my own, but you may tell him I give my full approval."

"Just like that?" Guiche asked.

"I would not say we are friends, Gramont, but I would not even want von Zerbst to be disowned, let alone you," she said firmly. "However, I will still want him to attend to me when you are not training, and I will want his full cooperation for the upcoming festival. After that, he is yours." Guiche smiled.

"I cannot thank you enough, Valliere," he said, bowing again. "I came here with compensation should you require persuasion, at it seems only fair that I still offer it."

"I may be low on pocket money, but I am not _that_ low," Louise said scornfully.

"Not money," Guiche laughed. "The Valliere family is far better off than my own, so an offer of coin would be unsuccessful and insulting, I felt. Instead, I offer this."

"A book?" Louise asked, taking the cloth-bound tome.

"Yes." Guiche laughed nervously. "It was Mon-mon's Silver Pentecost present to me, so I will require it returned eventually. But in exchange for loaning me your familiar, I shall loan it to you. Just don't let Mon-mon know, or she may never forgive me."

"A potions book," Louise mused, opening it. "My favorite. Thank you, Guiche. I think I know most of these already, but there may be new brewing methods I can use."

"Look on page 42," he said smugly. Louise turned to the page in question. She looked. The book dropped numbly from her hands.

"Is…is this real?" she whispered dumbly, dropping to her feet and scrambling to pick it up. "This is…the Switching Star Draught." It was a potion that was almost impossible to find on the market, and too exorbitantly expensive for even Louise to buy, but what it did was absolutely priceless, especially for someone like the Zero.

The Switching Star Draught changed the drinker's element to one of the others, depending on how it was prepared, allowing them to use that element as well as they usually used their normal element for the few hours the effect lasted.

Getting her hands on a sample was one of Louise's dearest dreams, in the hopes that it could help her figure out just what was wrong with her magic.

"Starbloom petals. Fire dragon oil. Powdered wolves' teeth. _Protestantism!_" she swore, slamming the book shut. "I have all the ingredients except for those three! Fire dragon oil I can buy, but I've never heard of wolves' teeth being used for anything! And how am I supposed to find starbloom petals before they wither in the summer?"

"There's a field near the school where some starblooms grow," Guiche volunteered quickly. "I have been there on a few picnics, and Mon-mon and I once snuck out at night to pick them for ingredients." Louise flashed him what was a brilliant smile for a moment, and then it turned predatory.

"Is tonight a full moon?" she asked eagerly.

"No that's not for three nights. Why?"

"Gibbous is good enough for light. Tonight you're coming with me to that field so I can find those flowers. I don't want to wait a minute longer than I have to for this potion."

"O-okay," Guiche agreed. "Do you know where I can find your familiar so we can begin?"

"Ask in the kitchens. He likes to spend his free time helping the other servants for some reason," Louise told him.

"Thank you, Valliere," Guiche said with a bow. "You may consider me in your debt."

"If I get this thing brewed you can consider us even," Louise replied absently, reading the recipe. Guiche turned to go and got to her door before he remembered.

"Ah, Valliere," he said a bit awkwardly. "It occurs to me that I made a slight oversight. Would you remind me of your familiar's name? It seems like something I should know if he is to help me.

"His name?" Louise thought back. "I usually just call him familiar, but…Saito. His name is Saito…Hiraga, though I doubt you'll need to use his full name."

"Thank you, Valliere," Guiche said and stepped into the hall. He hadn't taken two steps when a shout sent chills down his spine.

"Guiche!" Montmorency yelled, storming down the hall towards him. "What exactly were you doing in the Zero's room?" she asked harshly. Guiche smiled weakly and prepared to lie for his life.

* * *

Siesta was in heaven. She even thought she could hear a chorus of harps in the background.

She and Mister Hir—she and Saito were spending time alone together, just the two of them! Granted they were spending it doing chores, but they were still together! She wanted to squee and throw her arms around him, but it would mean dropping the bundle of sheets they were carrying to the wash room.

"What's the tune you're humming?" Saito asked. "It sounds nice."

"It's an old song," Siesta admitted. "My mother used to sing it as a lullaby to me and my siblings." It was about a gallant knight rescuing a maiden and taking her off to be married, even though they were of different classes. _And it's so romantic,_ she sighed to herself. _Why couldn't real life be like that, instead of these nobles messing up everything?_

"Siblings? How many?" Saito asked. She smiled brightly.

"I'm the thi...I'm the second oldest of eight!" she announced. "My big sister and I are close in age, so we had to take care of most of our brothers and sisters a lot. That's why I was so good at cooking and cleaning that the Academy hired me even though I was really young!"

"Young?" Saito asked. "I suppose you're still the same age as most of the students, but aren't there other people here your age? I definitely think one or two of the stable-hands were."

"Jacques and Cameron in the stables," Siesta agreed, "and Miriam and Lucy here as maids. But we five are the only servants under twenty in the building. Everyone else is much older." _It gets lonely sometimes,_ she admitted to herself, _especially since Cameron and I aren't seeing each other anymore, but…well, I get by. That's why I love spending time with you, Saito. If only you'd return my feelings._ "But that's not what I meant," she clarified. "I was much younger when I started working here."

"Really?"

"Yes. I was thirteen! This is my fourth year working here," she explained proudly.

"Is starting work at that age normal here?" Saito asked.

"Training for a trade, maybe, but not like this. Especially not in a place with all these nobles. My parents wouldn't have let me go, but we really needed the money, so I ran away from home and sent back my pay. After the first year they couldn't really complain or stop me."

"That was very brave," Saito said with soft admiration. "You must have been scared, all on your own."

"At the beginning," Siesta admitted. "But that was only when I still needed to find a job. Once I was at the Academy I wasn't afraid anymore. A little lonely, but I wasn't afraid." _That didn't come until I got older, and heard about what happened to Miriam._

"Hiraga! Familiar Hiraga," a voice called. "My I speak with you?" Siesta turned around and paled at who was coming down the hall. It was a noble her own age with blond hair. He was handsome enough, and had the air of someone who appreciated his own beauty, but it was offset by a worried look on his face, and a handmark on his cheek.

Worst of all, however, was that it was _the same noble_ who'd challenged Saito to a duel before!

One part of Siesta's instinct screamed at her to run, another told her to grab Saito and run, and a third told her to stay and buy time for Saito to run.

Then a rational part of her pointed out that if Saito had beaten him once, he could do so again.

Her instincts just screamed back that all _that_ meant was that she could run away herself and trust Saito to be okay. He'd done the impossible before, and he could do it again.

Siesta settled for taking a half-step behind him. Maybe she couldn't help Saito, but she could darn well stay as support instead of abandoning him!

"Lord Guiche," Saito said, sketching a quick bow. "What did you want to talk about?"

"I need your help," Guiche said bluntly. Both of the 'commoners' blinked, and Siesta had to resist swooning. _Saito's not in trouble! He's so manly that even the mages come to him for help!_

"How can I help you?" Saito asked. "Although I need to check with my master first."

"Valliere already told me it was okay with her if you approved as well," Guiche assured him. "I need you to fight me again."

Siesta nearly choked at the surge of fear. Even if she had seen Saito beat this noble once before, and even if he didn't seem to be angry or upset, she could never forget what Mott had done to…to…to Alex.

"Why?"

"It seems that the results of our last encounter have reached my family's ears," Guiche said seriously. "While my father is far too understanding to care, my eldest brother is not so kind. He states that I have shamed the family, and that he wishes to examine my worthiness to hold the Gramont name when summer break comes around."

"So you wish to fight me again and have me throw the match to regain your honor," Saito guessed clinically, only for Guiche to shake his head.

"Such a thing would be insulting to a soldier of your caliber," Guiche told him, "and I could not ask it of you. Even if I did, it would not erase the original victory that shamed me in my brother's eyes. Instead, I wish to train myself against you, so that by learning to match your strength I may overcome whatever task my brother sets me."

"You want me to teach you how to fight," Saito summarized. "I'm not sure I can do that. The skills I used against you are…unique."

"If you can teach me any of your abilities I would be eternally gratefully, Sir Hiraga." Then, to Siesta's shock Guiche _bowed_ to Saito. She didn't even feel the sheets fall from her arms, only hearing them softly hit the floor. "At the very least, though, I beg of you to match your great skill against mine until I can make myself strong enough to challenge it!"

_He bowed. Begging. What is...?_

"If my master has given her permission, then I would be happy to match my skill of arms against yours for such a noble cause," Saito said formally, his eyes laughing. "And my friends call me Saito."

"Then I am Guiche," the noble said, rising from his bow. "First names are only fitting, as my father taught me that strength and skill have an etiquette all their own."

"Bow," Siesta squeaked. Her head turned from one to the other. "Bow. You. Him. First name. What?"

"Oh!" Guiche cried. "I am ashamed of myself for having ignored such a beautiful flower. My eyes must be fading with old age. But truly, it appears that there are diamonds in the rough all around us."

Siesta went rigid as the noble boy turned his smile, his _attention_, towards her. She jerked her hand away in a panic when he reached to take it and then flinched violently when she realized how rude the action was. A small whine of fear escaped her as she dropped to her knees and hurriedly picked up the bundle of sheets, holding it in front her—in front of her unfortunately developed _chest_ that she was usually proud of for getting glances from boys—like a shield.

_Oh no oh on oh no oh no oh no. Please please pleasepleaseplease, Saito protect me!_ She mentally pleaded, paling as the noble's eyes didn't leave her.

"May I know the lady's name?" he asked, reaching out a hand towards her.

In answer to her prayers, Saito's hand gently stopped the noble's a few inches from her.

"She's a friend of mine who I'm helping with the laundry," Saito said with a careful smile, eyeing Siesta's pale demeanor. "Would you go on to the courtyard where we fought before and make preparations, Guiche? I will join you in a moment—I just need to drop off the laundry and fetch my weapon of choice from my master."

"Ah, we can start immediately? Excellent," Guiche said, nodding sharply. His eye slipped back towards Siesta and she tensed again.

"Montmorency is a water mage, is she not? A healer? Perhaps you should ask her to join us, as I am certain you will get a few cuts and scrapes," Saito suggested. Guiche frowned and looked away.

"Perhaps on a later date; Mon-mon is upset with me at the moment, and it will not be until tomorrow that I get back in her good graces, I fear," he admitted, finally turning away. Siesta began to breathe again, her pulse slowly dropping to its normal level. "Still, I shall go and begin warming up. Do not keep me waiting too long, Saito." The noble finally walked away, and they both watched until he turned a corner and his footsteps faded.

Then Siesta exhaled heavily, and slumped against the wall, taking deep breaths. "_Thank you_," she whispered weakly.

"Siesta," Saito said softly, laying a hand on her shoulder, "you looked terrified. Has he _done_ something to you?" There wasn't a threat in his voice that she could hear, but it felt protective all the same. Fighting back tears, she shook her head.

"N-no, I've never seen him before that I can remember, except that you dueled against him. I thought he was coming back for revenge," she whispered.

"It was more than that. You completely froze and panicked when he looked at you. If not him, then was someone else doing something?" Now there was definitely a note of threat in his voice, but Siesta found it relaxing in a way. It wasn't aimed at her.

"No, no one's made me do anything," she looked away, "yet. I was just worried that was going to change." There was a moment of silence as Saito mulled this over.

"I think I understand, Siesta, but I want you to tell me so that I _know._ Is it common for nobles here to take advantage of servants like that?"

"It…it happens," Siesta admitted. "It's never happened to me, but Lucy actually enjoys it. When I was old enough that they started noticing me we worked out a deal where I took her shifts in the girls' rooms and she took mine in the boys', so I've mostly stayed out of their notice. The ones who want that thing usually wait for the maids to come to their room for cleaning. But almost all the other maids are too old for the nobles' tastes, although I've heard that there are times when something happens anyways. But Miriam…" She trailed off.

"She was forced?" Saito asked quietly.

"The nobles _might_ just ask, but we'd still probably lose our jobs if we turned them down. That's happened at least twice while I was here," Siesta told him quietly. "Miriam…when it happened to her it was her first time. She didn't want to and he wasn't gentle. There were bruises," Siesta said quietly, "and some bleeding. He sort of…claimed her as his while he was here. She couldn't get away and she needed the money from the job, but even now she seems a little…deader, than before."

"What's his name and where's his room?" Saito asked bluntly. "I'd like to pay him a visit." Siesta shook her head.

"This happened two years ago," her voice choked up, "when Miriam was my age. And he was a third-year. She got very drunk when he graduated. I think it's happened once or twice since then, since she still drinks sometimes, but never as bad as that."

"They should be ashamed to call themselves nobles," Saito snarled quietly. "Hell, they should be ashamed to call themselves _men_. And I'd be happy to take that away from them if we ever meet."

"It's not just the men." Siesta hiccupped: half a laugh, half a sob. "I've heard one or two stories about noblewomen with _tastes_ putting maids in the same situation. And I don't know who or when, but a noblewoman definitely once made one of the male servants _service_ her. It doesn't happen often."

"But it happens," Saito finished. "People…can be perverse and disgusting. And those with power just have room for more abuses."

"Sometimes I wish the nobles in their wars would just kill each other all off, so that the rest of us could live our lives," Siesta whispered. _And sometimes I dream that I could be the one to kill them. But then I wouldn't be much better, would I? I wish those nightmares would go away. The ones where I kill Mott are as bad as the ones where I'm at his mercy._

"I suppose I can't blame you, even if I don't agree," Saito said warmly. "You get good people and bad people in every walk of life. There are commoners who rape and murder too, aren't there? And the nobles bring them to justice?"

"Yes," Siesta agreed, "but who stops the nobles that rape and murder?"

"In a perfect world, the other nobles," Saito told her. "Admittedly this isn't a perfect world, but there are still good nobles out there who care." He stood up. "Come on, we need to drop the laundry off. And then, if you want, you can watch me beat the crap out of Guiche. Again."

"I'm not sure…what if he starts paying attention to me?" Siesta fretted, following Saito down the hall.

"Guiche has a girlfriend who wouldn't let him do that, and I'm pretty sure he wouldn't even if he was single," Saito reassured her. "More importantly, I wouldn't and _won't_ let him do that. Him, or anyone else. So if anyone starts pressuring you, Siesta, just drop my name or run ask me for help. I'll put an end to it. One way, or another."

Siesta giggled. _Maybe there really are knights in the world,_ she decided.

* * *

OMAKE

"Commoner," Guiche cried, "it you will not apologize, then it is time to begin our duel!"

"Works for me," Saito agreed, calmly shuffling a deck of cards.

_IT'S TIME TO D-D-D-D D-D-D-D-DUEL!_

"What...was that?" Guiche asked, looking around for the voice of the mysterious voice.

"What was what?" Saito asked innocently.

"That voice...and where did you get that strange contraption on your arm?" Sure enough, Saito now had some sort of mechanical gauntlet clamped onto his left arm, which certain fans will recognize. (Note: I don't own this. It has been copyrighted by Kaiba Corp., and not me.)

"What this? It was here the entire time. Now are we going to begin?"

"Yes. Well," Guiche announced, deciding to ignore the insanity, "it shall not be I who is your opponent, but this Bronze Valkyrie!" Saito just eyed it as the golem rose.

"If that's all you're going to do, then it's my turn," the commoner said, drawing a card. "I lay two cards facedown and summon Obnoxious Celtic Guardian." Everyone gasped as a figure materialized in front of Saito.

"Where did that come from?" Guiche yelped.

"Zat! Hwhat do you mean, zat?" the figure replied, pointing its sword at the noble. "I ham a human bein', hyou pig! Nay! Zat is an insult to pigs! Your father was a pig, and his father was a buzzard, and your mother was a mangy jackal in heat!"

"Why...you..." Guiche grit out, going from confused to apoplectic. "Attack!"

"That's odd," Saito muttered, re-examining the card. "I could have sworn this said Obnoxious _Celtic_ Guardian...I must have grabbed my crossovers deck by mistake. Oh well, I use its special ability." The golem charged the conjured warrior, and its sword swing passed through harmlessly.

"What!" Guiche shrieked.

"'oo taught hyou 'ow to fence? A crippled nun?" the Obnoxious French Knight laughed. "I fart in your general direction!"

"Once per turn I can keep him from being destroyed in battle, and draw one card," Saito explained. "I still take damage, though." And indeed, a small cut had opened up on his cheek. "Luckily, it isn't much. Obnoxious ability, isn't it?"

"W-what is going on?" Guiche asked, unnerved.

"A duel," Saito answered bluntly. "My turn. I play the ritual spell card Summon Badass Servant, and sacrifice the Obnoxious French Knight to summon...Shirou Emiya." The warrior on the field dissolved into light, and was replaced by a new, much more dangerous being.

"What's this? Oh, great. Note to self: never agree to help Zelretch with an experiment," the man answered, idly producing two swords.

"I play the field spell card Unlimited Blade Works, and Shirou attacks." Even as the landscape morphed around them, the redhead surged forward, and had diced the golem into bits in an instant.

"How? What? How is this happening?" Guiche shrieked, frantically waving his wand. Six more Valkyries appeared. "Attack!"

"Oh, that is just cheap," Saito grumbled, seeing his opponent summon six monsters in a single turn. "Trap Hole."

One of the Valkyries disappeared into a pitfall, but the others continued undaunted.

"I activate the quick play spell card Hill of Swords, and take Gandalfr Runes from my deck and equip it to Shirou Emiya."

[The following brutality has been censored to prevent the upset of the audience's delicate sensibilities. Rest assured, however, that no golems were harmed in the making of this omake. Only an idiot playboy.]

"I. You. How?" Guiche whimpered.

"Your turn," Saito prompted.

"I surrender!" the ponce yelped. "Don't hurt me!"

"Okay," Saito agreed as the landscape returned to normal. "Thanks, by the way. I haven't had this much fun in a while. Same time tomorrow?" Guiche whimpered.

* * *

Thanks for reading folks. Review if you like! I love encouragement.

P.S. If you haven't read Hill of Swords by Gabriel Blessing, do so. It rocks.

**Dragolight**: Saito's a little underpowered? Good. He's a guile hero who's weak but skilled. Don't worry, he'll still have his share of awesome.

**PEJP Bengtzone V2**: We'll cross the Lipbrasir bridge when we come to it, I think. I guarantee that what I'll do will make sense, but you'll be surprised no one ever thought of it.

**javichuelas**: You're right, not enough people do SaitoxTiffania. Mostly because she's introduced so late into the series. Sadly, I number among their rank. That being said, you'll be happy to know that I plan on introducing her earlier than usual, and boy do I have _plans_.

**MWkillkenny84**: your vote is noted, but Louise will not be with Saito except in a crazy omake or two. That ship is sunk, and I know exactly who she'll be with instead.

**LegendaryGamer**: How did you like the omake?

Thanks for reading, everyone. See you soon!


	4. Chapter 4

I do not own Familiar of Zero.

* * *

"You are truly are hard woman, Louise Valliere," Guiche whined as the three of them crawled around the field. "After what I went through with Saito, and now you force me up at such a late hour to crawl through the grass and mud."

"You said you'd help me pick flowers, so help," Louise said crossly, carefully placing another blossom in a small basket.

"No, _you_ said I'd help you pick flowers. I only said I'd show you where the field was, and that was after being generous enough to tell you it existed in the first place," he moped.

"If you want to leave, then leave," Louise countered bluntly.

"Oh, but there are dangerous things in the forest," Guiche objected. "I could never leave a maiden such as yourself unprotected!"

"Unless there's someone like Crumbling Dirt or White Flame running around, I'm pretty sure I'm the most dangerous thing in this forest," Louise said drily, and reconsidered. "Unless you count Saito separately, in which case we're tied."

"I could probably handle a wolf pack better than you, master," Saito commented from the banks of a pond he was examining. "They'd gang up before you could blow up more than one or two, while I've fought multiple enemies and won. Guiche's Valkyries are excellent practice."

"Is it really okay for you to use first names like that?" Louise asked. "It seems too…informal."

"My father taught me that power carries an etiquette all of its own," Guiche replied. "Speaking to him as an inferior—familiar or not—is out of the question."

"And I'm happy to consider Guiche a friend instead of an acquaintance if he does the same," Saito added.

"Well, whatever," Louise surrendered. "I think that's enough," she added, standing up.

"Thank the Founder," Guiche praised, dumping his collection into Louise's basket alongside Saito.

"Watch it you oafs, those are delicate," she squawked, checking that none of them were crushed. Starblooms were easy enough to find in the right season, but had to be treated very carefully if they were to be good potion ingredients. "Let's head back, then."

"This way," Guiche said, finding the route back easily in the bright moonlight. The trip back to the castle was mostly conducted in silence, save for several jaw-cracking yawns. After all, they were _tired._ Then the adventure finally ended as they walked through the main gates, Louise being sure to close them behind her as she had when they left. She gave one last yawn, and then a stiff nod to Guiche

"Thank you for your assistance, Guiche," she said simply. "I wish you the best of luck…with…what is _that_?" A hulking figure could be seen in a distant courtyard, a golem that towered over even some of the smaller buildings.

_-CRACK-_

The thunderous crash of stone on stone snapped them completely awake. Louise immediately raced for the golem, recognizing that it was near the school's vault. Guiche took a moment to catch up to her, but the four Valkyries he summoned in that moment darted ahead of the two mages easily.

Saito, however, outstripped all of them. Having pulled out two throwing knives to activate his runes he raced ahead of the others in a blur. Then he jumped into the air and kicked off of a wall onto a nearby roof. And stopped.

_There's the golem. Where's the mage?_ He surveyed the area but saw no one. Only to wince as his master and Guiche dashed into the courtyard with the waiting golem. _Oh yeah, them._ Torn between keeping the high ground to get the drop on the mage or revealing himself and possibly alerting the thief but saving Louise, Saito decided his master was more important.

He leaped down, taking the two-story fall without pause, and dashed off to the two nobles. He was on them in an instant, moving like a blurred shadow in the dark.

"Are you trying to get yourselves killed?" he hissed as he wrapped an arm around each of their waists and pulled them under cover.

"Fouquet! Blast!" Louise replied, her wand pointing towards the distance. A cloaked figure had appeared from the vault carrying something long and bulky. In spite of the stolen goods' size it was apparently light, as he easily dashed up the arm to stand on the shoulder. Louise's spell caught his attention, however.

Louise had been aiming at Fouquet himself, and had missed by a mile. The thief spun around to face away from them, however, as the small explosion on the other side of the courtyard took him by surprise. Saito took advantage of that mercilessly.

He threw one of his knives with all the strength his rune-enhanced arm could muster and snapped, "Don't make targets of yourselves," to the nobles. Then Saito kick-jumped himself back onto a nearby roof to take better aim. "I really wish I had a rifle. Or even a bow," he grumbled. Fouquet's back was wide open.

Surprisingly, the first knife had hit Fouquet's back. Sadly, it hit hilt first, and even if it hadn't Saito had heard the crack of it bouncing of some kind of body armor through the cloak. The thief spun around and immediately sighted him standing on the roof. Then Fouquet looked down, apparently noticing the Valkyries climbing his golem, which were just passing its waist.

A flick of his wand grew stone spikes that forced three of them off the golem and back onto the ground. The golem took one lumbering step, crushing all three, and a second flick from Fouquet simply disintegrated the last Valkyrie.

"Blast!" he heard Louise yell again, and an explosion annihilated the golem's shoulder. Granted, it wasn't the shoulder Fouquet had been standing on, but the arm fell thunderously to the ground just as a rain of icicles shattered ineffectually against its knee.

"Kyyyyuuuuuiiiii!"

"Fireball!" he heard Kirche yell, and a burning flower bloomed ineffectually against the golem's chest as Sylphid swooped down from the clouds with two riders on her back.

_Wait…is Kirche naked?_ he wondered, his eyes drawn to the woman in the moonlight. The silver rays glowed against her bronze skin—_all_ of her bronze skin, as there was not a scrap of cloth on her.

The golem swung its one good arm, but the dragon wove around it with ridiculous ease and Tabitha sent a spray of icicles at Fouquet.

The thief audibly yelped in surprise and a wave of dirt torn from the golem itself shattered the ice in midair. Sylphid dodged another wave of the arm with a twist and Saito saw Kirche and Tabitha levitate off her back. The dragon's speed instantly doubled, beginning a dizzying series of evasions and assaults that were only warded off by mere feet and inches.

_That's probably the point. Sylphid is distracting him while Kirche and Tabitha do something big in the background. Considering that I can't hit him through the armor at this range, the best thing I can do is—_

"Don't forget about me!" he purposefully yelled at the top of his lungs, throwing his second knife at the thief and immediately producing the last two from subspace. This one whizzed past Fouquet's ear, spooking him enough that the huge golem swung its arm at him, aiming for an easier hit than Sylphid was.

—_get his attention, act as a distraction, and draw his fire in the hopes that I can—_

Apparently Fouquet was either very bad at aiming or had reservations about killing people, because the arm swung at the floor below him instead of Saito himself. The aim, the familiar guessed, was to shatter the pillars supporting the roof of the covered walkway and collapse his footing.

The fact that the arm was below him only made it easier to avoid as Saito jumped off the roof and onto the golems arm just as it passed under him. In a trick he stole straight from Fouquet himself, Saito dashed up the golem's arm towards the thief.

_—jump on the arm, close the distance, and take Fouquet on at close range!_

Having never expected such a tactic, and also distracted by Sylphid getting too close for comfort before pulling away, Saito was just at the elbow when Fouquet pointed his wand. Saito took offense to this and stopped the spell before it was cast by throwing his third knife at the earth-mage's head. At the much closer range it would have taken Fouquet through the eye had he not swapped the attack for a stone shield.

Unfortunately Saito had only covered two-thirds of the distance between elbow and shoulder by the time Fouquet had recovered enough to aim again.

_I can't throw my last knife because I'll lose the runes, so I'll just have to try and dodge or destroy whatever he throws at me. But if I can handle half-a-dozen metal soldiers I can handle a stone spear or whatever!_

It was at this point that Fouquet's spell sunk Saito up to his knees in the golem.

"…Hell." Saito was torn between whether or not to throw the knife as a last ditch effort. If he threw it he'd lose the runes but might get the thief—_Not that it worked the last three times.—_and if he didn't then he was just a sitting duck. _Considering that Fouquet could have just sunk me up to my eyes I don't think I'm going to die. But I'm definitely going to fail and I'm certainly going to get hurt._ Luckily, Saito never had to decide.

"Kyuuuuuuiii!"

Sylphid hit the arm halfway between them like a blue meteor. With a shrill, screaming cry that shocked Fouquet enough to stumble backwards, the dragon tore into the arm, sending pieces flying like the dirt it was. As the golem's other arm fell away, crumbling into ordinary soil, Sylphid kicked off of the stump and snatched Saito safely out of the air, gliding around and down to the other four mages.

Louise appeared to be mortified that Kirche was wearing an indecently short cloak and nothing else. In fact, now that he looked, she was probably wearing Tabitha's cloak. It was made worse when Louise yelped something he couldn't hear, and Kirche crushed his master's face into her cleavage. Then she saw him.

"Hello darling. Do you like the easy access?" she purred. Kirche dropped Louise and promptly glomped him, the strawberry blonde too out of it to object. Guiche just grinned and giggled.

"What's going on here?"

"A golem!"

"Fouquet!"

"It's the Crumbling Earth!" The fight had woken up the school, and other people were finally appearing. At least three teachers and a dozen students rushed to the outside of the courtyard. Several fireballs and air blades splashed uselessly against the golem, but one teacher's water whip left a visible gash.

"Bugger this, I'm out of here!" Fouquet snapped audibly, and for the first time this evening cast a spell requiring a chant, and ending with the declaration, "Massive March!"

The armless golem crumbled. At least that was what it looked like at first glance, as a massive shower of soil rained down into a pile of earth. But even in mid-air Saito could see otherwise, as the dirt twisted and shifted in unnatural ways.

And where once there had been a single, huge golem, there was now a pile—a swarm of man-sized golems clambering over one another and limping towards the students. The golems were nowhere near as fast or as elegant as a single of Guiche's Valkyries, but they were each a head taller than Saito and there were a lot of them.

"Look master, targets," Saito deadpanned, taking half a step in front of the strawberry blonde. They didn't look very dangerous, but there were a lot of them.

"Toodles!" Fouquet called from inside the writhing mass. This was followed by another chant, ending with, "Rough Rider!"

A _wolf_, a golem wolf as tall as Saito at the shoulder, burst out of the pile with Fouquet on its back. Saito immediately reacted, activating the restraining spell on his bracelet. Bars of light clamped around the wolf and immediately shattered, as the familiar realized to late that it was only supposed to work on _living_ things. _I really wish I'd known that wouldn't work on a golem wolf. Not that I could have predicted meeting one, but…_

The construct raced into the night with Fouquet laughing all the while.

* * *

"Thank you all for coming here," Old Osmond said to the assembled group in his office. Longueville resisted the urge to yawn, having had a very active late night as Fouquet before returning to the castle. "I'd like to discuss the events of last night and our course of action from here." It was mid-morning after the theft, and a few students had been brought in along with all the teachers to discuss what was to be done.

"What's there to discuss? Chevruse fell asleep on duty and Fouquet stole the Staff of Destruction."

"I'm sorry!" Louise's earth-magic teacher wailed. "I was just—"

"Now, now," Osmond interrupted. "Let's not try to place the blame here. Perhaps I was responsible for not increasing the vault's security. Perhaps the Guard is responsible for not having caught Fouquet yet. But ultimately, the only person responsible is Fouquet, who took advantage of the fact that we have grown lax. After all, can anyone here honestly say that they have always been perfectly vigilant on their own watches?" Everyone looked away and mumbled guiltily. The students and familiar smothered snickers at their elders' immaturity. "To begin with," Osmond continued, "I'd like the testimony of the two adults here who encountered Fouquet. Colbert, if you would?"

Longueville felt slightly guilty about this. Colbert was a cunning and charismatic person. She was positive that he at least suspected her of aiding Fouquet, even if he didn't put the pieces together to realize who she really was, but he hadn't confronted her. Instead they'd had a very pleasant time dancing around the subject for several weeks, as he fed her tidbits—some true, some dangerous misinformation—about the vault, the staff, and the protections.

It had been the most fun she'd had in years, and she regretted that it was coming to an end, even if she had won their little game, and made the perfect cover for herself. All she needed was knowledge of how to use the staff, and her job would be done, and she could send at least a year's worth of money to Tiffania.

She rather regretted that she'd needed to beat Colbert so badly to keep him out of the way, but Longueville couldn't afford any chances. At least she hadn't killed him. She wasn't a killer, and hoped that she never would be.

"I was taking a walk," said Louise's fire-magic professor, who had a nasty bruise on his head, "and I must have gotten too close for Fouquet's comfort. Without any warning I sank up to my ankles in the flagstones. I had my wand out and conjured a wave of flame, but what was probably a stone struck the back of my head. It was enough to disorient and stun me, and a second one knocked me out. I awoke with my hands and feet sunk in the stone, and without my wand. Madam Chevruse was kind enough to free me." He nodded towards the blushing woman, but Longueville noticed that his eyes never strayed from her. She also noticed that the familiar was following his gaze, and examining her as well.

They were both suspicious, she decided.

"And now, Miss Longueville, would you tell us of your encounter?" Osmond asked. Longueville straightened and winced, being not quite as sore as she was pretending, but still somewhat banged up.

"Well, last night I was walking in the woods," she began nervously, only to be cut off.

"What were you doing in the woods at that hour?" a teacher asked sharply. Longueville flushed and bit her lip, looking away. It was part of the cover story she'd figured out.

Long experience had taught her that the key to keep people from suspecting her of suspicious activities wasn't to be a bastion of virtue, but to trick them into suspecting her of the _wrong_ suspicious activities. Affairs and trysts were excellent for that.

"Now, now, I'm sure her reasons are unimportant, and they may stay private if she wishes," Osmond chided gently.

"But Headmaster, we still don't know how Fouquet got in or even knew about the staff, let alone the defenses on the vault! It had to have been someone on the inside! What if she's an accomplice feeding us misinformation!"

_Well, maybe Colbert isn't the only smart one at this school_, she thought to herself.

"Imayhavebeenmeetingsomebody!" Longueville blurted out breathlessly, forcing a blush to her cheeks and staring at the floor so that her chestnut hair shrouded her face. A perfect play of embarrassment.

"Meeting somebody? A tryst?" Colbert clarified, sounding hurt. "Miss Longueville, didn't we have dinner plans tonight?"

_Yes, we did, but this took priority. Pity, I was going to try seducing more information out of you, but it looks like won't get the chance._ She scuffed her foot, not meeting anyone's eyes. _Not unless I get away scot-free, in which case I could try to stay on for another month or two as Osmond's secretary._

"You're a wonderful man, Colbert, and I love spending time with you," she mumbled miserably, only half acting, "but you're a noble. I grew up in an orphanage, and I'm just not fully convinced that it'll work out…so I haven't burned all my bridges yet. It was just dinner," she added plaintively. "It's not like we were sleeping together and I cuckolded you. We could still be friends and talk, right?"

"As expected from a commoner," someone muttered under their breath, drawing dirty looks from everyone who heard.

"Yes, I suppose you're right," Colbert admitted, though what they hadn't said still hung between them. "Still, I wish you'd told me about this yourself."

"I thought I just did," she pouted. Oh, this was so much _fun_!

"Back to the matter at hand," one of the teachers said, "you were walking in the woods and…?"

"I was walking down a path when I heard a rumbling sound coming from behind me. I turned around and a large _thing_ made of dirt or stone clipped me as it raced by, and threw me against a tree." She gestured helplessly. "It looked like it was headed towards an abandoned cabin in the woods. I could lead someone to the path and track it from there."

"A golem that size moving so fast isn't something you can shrug off," one teacher said suspiciously. "How did you come back to the castle?"

"I admit I wasn't in much shape to move after that thing clipped me," Longueville agreed, raising her head, "but I was supposed to be meeting someone. When I didn't show up, Tiffa went looking for me, and she helped me back to the Academy." And here was the bait to her already juicy tryst alibi.

"Tiffa? She?" Osmond said contemplatively, with a dreamy grin on his face. The injured woman flinched embarrassedly, mentally grinning in success.

"I meant _Timothy_! _He_!" she said hurriedly. "_Timothy_ went looking for me and _he_ helped me back!" Colbert was still giving her an odd look, although the look had changed several times in the past few minutes, Longueville amusedly noted. For that matter, the familiar was still keeping an eye on her.

Colbert wouldn't be dangerous unless he took things into his own hands, but the other one was dangerous with a knife.

"The two of them together…" Osmond said whimsically. "I wonder if she's blond, or if her chest—"

"Don't think such things!" Longueville yelped, then leaned forward and slapped him. That had actually come closer to an accurate description than she was comfortable with. The familiar blinked at seeing a commoner strike a noble, as did the students in the room, but none of the teachers seemed to care. In fact, one or two of the women seemed to be encouraging and appreciative.

They knew what Old Osmond was like, after all, and Longueville knew that the women who fought back were the ones who lasted longer as the headmaster's secretary. Maybe she could still come back to this job after everything ended.

"Don't deny an old man his dreams," the headmaster sighed plaintively. But he returned to the matter at hand. "Well, Miss Longueville can lead us to what might be Fouquet's hideout, at least. But several of our students were on the scene of the crime as well, and attempted to apprehend Fouquet in the act. I'd like to hear their observations now." The audience turned towards the four students.

Gramont and Valliere both fidgeted, having been breaking the rules at the time. Von Zerbst smiled winningly, not removing the arm she'd wrapped around the familiar. She was probably taking advantage of the fact that Valliere couldn't interrupt without being rude, Longueville guessed. Tabitha just continued reading.

The familiar himself just ignored the warmth of the redhead leaning into him, put on a polite smile, and kept his eyes scanning the room. Oh yes, this one was definitely dangerous.

"Chevalier Tabitha, would you like to begin?" he prompted. Everyone was surprised at the title he used for her, which denoted that she had been rewarded by her crown for preforming some great deed, despite her young age. Fouquet got more nervous, remembering the rain of icicles that could have been bad news. The girl didn't look up from her book.

"Reading. Noise. Investigate." She nudged Kirche to prompt the redhead.

"I was in my room at the time when I heard some horrendous noise and stuck my head out the window to investigate," she declared. "I was on the wrong side of the castle to see anything, but when I saw Tabitha and Sylphid fly out the window I yelled that I was coming too and jumped."

"Out the window! What if she hadn't caught you?" a teacher objected, horrified.

"I knew she would," Kirche said with a shrug. Tabitha didn't look up but gave a very definitive nod. "We flew around to the other side and saw a giant golem. Its arm blew up almost immediately, and then I saw darling." She squealed and glomped onto him tighter, and Longueville was suddenly aware that she could not only hear his master's teeth grinding, but also feel the temperature rising with her temper.

_The little spit-fire will probably need dentures by age twenty if she keeps it up at this rate._

"Von Zerbst," the strawberry blonde hissed, but said nothing else due to the setting.

"Darling was on the roof staring down the golem with nothing but a knife," the redhead fangirled. "It was incredible. He was outmatched yet he never even blinked!"

"To be expected from the legendary Gan-" Colbert began, taking his eyes off Longueville for the first time.

"Please continue," Osmond interrupted, raising an eyebrow at Colbert. His lips thinned but the professor nodded, returning his speculative gaze to Longueville. She wondered if he had been about to reference the Gandalfr possibility she overheard him discuss when the duel with Gramont occurred.

That possibility was part of the reason she'd chosen to strike. She still didn't know how to _use_ the Staff of Destruction, but she could put him in the position to use it against her golem, see the secret, and then steal it back with genuine stealth. A bit of a gambit, but she'd done worse in the past.

And if he couldn't use it, then he couldn't use it against her, so she'd just take it back by force and try trial and error.

"Well Tabitha shot some icicles at its knee, but they broke, and my fire didn't even scorch its chest. Then Tabitha sent another bunch of icicles at Fouquet himself—"

"Her," the potential Gandalfr interrupted. Everyone blinked at him. "I'm almost positive that Fouquet is a female."

_Oh, hell. Did he see my face under the cowl?_ Fouquet asked herself, expertly hiding her panic.

"Did you see under the cloak?" the headmaster asked.

"I just saw her mouth and chin, but there wasn't any sign of facial hair," Saito answered. "Also, I heard her voice. It sounded female, and I don't think many men would say 'toodles'." That got a few chuckles. Fouquet laughed along in relief. She was safe. For the moment, at least.

"Not enough evidence for a conclusion, but an interesting hypothesis," Osmond said. Saito shrugged.

"At least we can remember that Fouquet might be a woman," he suggested.

"Oh, darling is so observant!" Kirche cried, glomping harder and nuzzling. _Valliere__ is probably going to need dentures by next Pentecost, never-mind twenty, at this rate_, Longueville mused. _What an amusing love triangle. Maybe if I don't need to run, I can start a betting pool on it._

"With the commoner's evidence we might as well guess that Fouquet is an elf," someone scoffed.

"Don't be ridiculous! If Fouquet were an elf we'd all be dead!" a teacher snapped. People began to murmur and argue, and the room was descending slowly into chaos.

"Enough," Osmond said quietly, his voice heavy with power. The room froze, instantly going dead silent. _Holy Mother of God! Is he really that powerful? I'm screwed if he comes after me himself,_ Longueville realized as the old man gazed at everyone. Then, in a nicer tone, "If you would continue, Madamoiselle von Zerbst."

"Of course," she agreed nervously, cuddling the Gandalfr for comfort. _I wish I could do that to Colb—no! Stop fantasizing. You're a grown woman, Longueville._ "Since normal attacks weren't working Tabitha and I jumped off of Sylphid so that she could fly diversion and spent the rest of the battle attempting to destabilize it using thermal stress tactics on its knee."

_That might have worked eventually, but I'm very good at reinforcement,_ the golem's master thought smugly.

"Thermal stress?" her pillow parroted, surprised. One of the teachers drew themselves up.

"It's when you alternately heat and cool something to—"

"Cause warping and cracks from the growing and shrinking caused by temperature change, eventually breaking it," the familiar finished. "I know what it is, I was just surprised to hear the term," he added to the grumpy teacher. "Keep going, Calamari."

Louise choked and stopped grinding her teeth in favor of stifling laughter. Longueville wondered what the secret of the name was.

"Oh, darling is so smart!" Kirche cried. "Well, that's what we kept trying to do until darling ran up the golem's arm, and then Sylphid rescued him and tore the arm off. Then other people showed up."

"I see. Monsieur Gramont, am I correct in guessing that you arrived before the two ladies?"

"Yes, sir," he said stiffly, and swallowed. "Louise, Saito, and I were near the main courtyard when we saw the golem. I conjured four of my Valkyries and we ran to investigate."

"Saito?"

"That's me," he said at the same time Louise said, "My familiar," Kirche cried, "Darling," and Colbert chimed in with, "Mademoiselle Valliere's familiar." There was a pause as everyone assimilated what had been said.

"As I was saying," Guiche continued, "we arrived in the courtyard and made large targets of ourselves by standing in the open as I ordered my Valkyries to attack and Louise looked for a chance to cast. Saito had run ahead, but saw we were in danger, doubled back, and dragged us under cover before the golem could step on us, at which point he moved to higher ground and I lost sight of him."

"And then?"

"My Valkyries began climbing the golem in the hopes of reaching and engaging Fouquet, who was on its shoulder. Fouquet detected them and knocked three off and onto the ground, where her golem stepped on them. The fourth she destroyed with her namesake spell, Crumbling Dirt."

"Effectively disintegrating it," Osmond noted. "Very useful against dot- and line-class construct. But can't you summon six of your own golems, not four?"

"I was rather exhausted from earlier," Guiche admitted, "and two of my golems were destroyed while sparring against Saito. I have not yet replaced them. When I attempted to do more I discovered that I had exhausted my will power, and fell asleep until after Tabitha and Kirche arrived."

"I see. Well then, Madamoiselle Valliere, your story may be the most complete of them all."

"The beginning was just like he said," she said, "and then my familiar got us out of harm's way, although I had not realized we were in it, shamefully. At that point Fouquet appeared from inside the vault, and I cast a spell at her."

"And it blew up," one of her first-year teachers said bluntly. Louise shot him a sharp look, and Saito narrowed his eyes.

_So that was what happened,_ Longueville realized. _And it left an opening for the Gandalfr to throw a knife at me. I'm just glad I wore Rock Armor to be safe._

"That was the point," Louise said slowly, as though speaking to an idiot. "Don't you think that blowing up the thief with the giant golem is a good idea? But I missed. After that, I attempted to hit Fouquet or the golem's head three more times, but only on the fourth did I hit and blow up its arm. At that point Tabitha and von Zerbst arrived, and I ceased casting for fear of hitting them."

"What spell did you use?" A teacher asked skeptically. "That golem had to have been triangle- or square-class, and was reinforced with a triangle-class enhancement spell at least, as even my air blades didn't have much effect. What possible spell could you use to destroy an arm in one hit?"

"I just told you, I blew it up," Louise said slowly.

"Yes, but how?"

"I. Blew. It. Up." She was looking at the man blankly, and Loungueville got the idea that he had taught her in the past and she was about to enjoy some payback. Her familiar was smirking proudly, too. "Every spell I cast explodes. Everything I cast a spell at blows up. The explosions get _bigger_ when I try to make things explode, so I just cast with the intent of blowing the golem up. Because blowing up the thief's giant golem before it can step on us is a good idea, _right_?"

"Back to the battle, please," Old Osmond interjected, taking the spotlight off of the unlucky (and unintelligent) teacher. "What happened after the arm was destroyed?" Louise shrugged.

"I couldn't really see. Saito?" she prompted. He nodded. Longueville was bit surprised that a familiar's opinion was being solicited, but it _was_ a special case.

"I took up position on the roof and waited for a chance to either hit Fouquet with a throwing knife, or distract her so that some else could score a blow."

"The roof?" a teacher queried. "How did you get there? And could you really hit Fouquet with a knife from that range?" _Yes, he could,_ Longueville grumbled. More evidence in support of the Gandalfr possibility.

"I jumped onto the roof," Saito answered bluntly but still politely, folding his arms in front of him. "And I did hit Fouquet in the back with a knife, but it bounced off of some form of armor."

"Really?"

"Would you like a demonstration?" he asked archly, and a dagger appeared in his left hand despite the fact that he hadn't unfolded his arms. People murmured.

_Where did that come from? I didn't see him move._

"I believe him," Colbert said.

At the same time, Guiche said, "Saito possesses deceptively miraculous physical abilities. He is easily capable of fighting multiple of my Valkyries at once and winning, using nothing but a sword."

Louise just touched his elbow, and the knife disappeared. He still hadn't unfolded or even _moved_ his arms.

"When Sylphid began acting as a distraction," Saito continued, "I realized that the best I could do was help, so I threw another knife that missed, but got her attention. Fouquet appears to have issues with killing people," he added, "since her golem aimed to destroy the support pillars holding me up instead of squashing me, and she didn't try to step on any people."

_At least someone realizes that. I'm a thief, not a murderer, no matter what the Crown propaganda says._

"When the arm was close enough I jumped on it and ran up in an attempt to get within knife range. Unfortunately Fouquet sunk me into the dirt up to my knees, but Sylphid rescued me."

"A remarkable feat for a dragon," Osmond said, nodding. "And that was when everyone else began to arrive. I see. Thank you for your contributions. And now that we have covered the past," he sighed, "we must plan for the future."

"What do you mean, headmaster?" one professor asked.

"With Miss Longueville's aid we can track down the location of Fouquet's hideout, hopefully before he can vacate the area and escape," Osmond answered. "Do to my personal connection with the staff, I would go myself, but I am not what I was in my youth," he said mournfully. "As such, I would like some volunteers to pursue Fouquet and retrieve the staff."

"Is that safe?" someone asked. "What if he uses the staff against us?"

"It's supposed to be powerful enough to kill a chimera with one attack!"

"I and my familiar will go," Louise volunteered firmly, stepping forward. Everyone turned to look at her.

_Yes!_ Fouquet thought to herself, having been counting on that.

"Absolutely not!" Colbert objected. "You're still a student and a child, Miss Valliere! Osmond, please let me go after Fouquet!" The old man shook his head sadly.

"You are the one person who _cannot_ go," Old Osmond chided. "The healer said that your head was hurt badly, and you are not even supposed to be out of bed right now. Combat and casting are out of the question, Coleman."

_That was the point of hitting you so hard, Colbert,_ Longueville added to herself.

"Colbert," he corrected. "Then at least don't let Valliere go! She's still a child!" The temperature of the room almost dropped as the shadows reached out hungrily. Someone was _angry_.

"Tabitha is three months younger than I, and she is a Chevalier," Louise said frostily. "For that matter, my mother was a decorated veteran when she was my age. And need I remind you, Professor, that I am the only mage who managed to seriously damage Fouquet's golem last night?"

_Owned! _The thief crowed internally. She _liked_ this girl—it was a pity they were on opposite sides.

"I do believe you owe Mademoiselle Valliere an apology for the sight on her abilities," Osmond agreed. "While unsuited for most forms of magic, she has always been one of our best students academically, and demonstrated sufficient skills against the golem last night."

"And she won't be alone!" Kirche crowed. "Tabitha and I will come along as well! After all, a von Zerbst can't ever be upstaged by a Valliere, and I can't leave my darling alone with Zero! Or should I say One, since she can do _one_ thing right?"

"I can do more than one thing right!" Louise squawked. "Do you forget that I also summoned and bound a familiar, von Zerbst?"

"Well yes, but that's like saying you can hold a wand. Anyone can do it, especially if you could," Kirche teased.

"Now Calamari, don't pick fights just before a battle," Saito chided, freeing himself from her arms as the pet name again snuffed out most of Louise's anger.

"Well then, if such beauties will risk themselves in battle, then it is only fitting that I, Guiche de Gramont, accompany them for protection," the blond said, stepping forward. "For truly, I would not be a man if I allowed such visions of loveliness to fight foul Fouquet alone."

"Is that for our protection, or yours?" Louise asked archly.

"Headmaster, you can't let them do this!" Colbert objected again. "They are children!"

"Children who matched Fouquet last night, and forced him to retreat," Osmond replied. "Children of prodigious talent and power, who will soon be the leaders of tomorrow. Children," he swept his eyes across the room, "whose bravery has shamed every grown man and woman in this room." The teachers all looked away guiltily, but no one stepped forward to volunteer.

_Perfect._

"These children will succeed, I believe, and it will only be the beginning of what they will accomplish," Old Osmond continued. "They will succeed, and someday, they shall change the world. The feeling I get looking at them is the same as when I saw Karin the Heavy Wind, or you Colbert, or Alexander the Waterfall. They will change the world, and this will only be the first step."

"T-thank you for your confidence, Headmaster," Guiche squeaked. The others all voiced their gratitude for his words as well, and then something occurred to the lone familiar.

"Just to be clear, we are supposed to retrieve the Staff of Destruction, right?" Saito asked. "Because I'm not sure any of us know what it looks like. It would be a bad thing for Fouquet to switch it with a fake and we didn't find out until we got back."

_Oh, I can't believe I didn't think of that. Thanks for the idea._

"An excellent point," Osmond acknowledged. "The staff is long and made of metal, but it is actually more like a hollow pipe than a solid staff. Also, there is foreign writing on one side, and a black handle sticking sideways from it. The handle will be a good giveaway, as it is made of an unknown material that earth-magic has not yet managed to recreate."

_Crud. I wondered what that was. Maybe I can find a work around._

"Thank you," Saito nodded. "And what do you want done with Fouquet?"

"Done with him?" Osmond asked.

"Should we kill her, try to capture her, or let her run if she tries and not pursue if we have the staff?" he asked blandly. Fouquet's stomach squirmed at him speaking of her death so casually. But, she knew what awaited her if she was ever caught. Given her lifestyle, it was probably only a matter of time.

"Captured, not killed," Osmond said firmly. "But don't pursue too much if he runs. It's the Mage Guard's job to capture that crook—you only need to bring back the Staff of Destruction."

"Understood," the strawberry blonde said stiffly. "When should we leave?"

"I can meet everyone at the front gate in half an hour," Longueville suggested.

"I will have a carriage waiting," Osmond said. "I thank you all for your service, and hope that you return safely, even if it is without the Staff of Destruction."

"We will, sir," Guiche promised. Longueville just smiled and one thought crossed her mind.

_Step into my parlor, said the spider to the flies._

* * *

Louise was elated as she dashed around her room. This was it! Her chance for adventure! Her chance to start following in her mother's footsteps, to accomplish something with her life, to prove that she _wasn't_ a Zero!

"Sleeping draught, pain killer, ah! Healing potion!" She stuffed the vial into a pocket.

"Master…what are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing?" she snapped. "I'm bringing a few potions along, just in case."

"Dressed in that? Shouldn't you be changing clothes?" Louise looked down at her usual uniform.

"What's wrong with this?"

"It's restrictive and it offers absolutely no protection, unless your cloak is enchanted," Saito answered clinically. "I don't expect you to have plate armor or anything, but shouldn't you at least have mail or a leather jacket? Some kind of vest? Something to cover your small chest?"

"What does that mean!"

"Do you have anything you can wear that will keep Fouquet from running you through on a stone spear?" Saito rephrased bluntly. Louise went a little green at the imagery.

"I… think I have something leather Eleanore gave me for my birthday when I was in first year, but it probably won't fit," she said.

"Don't worry master, I can't imagine that you've grown since you were eleven, let alone in the last year," He assured her. "Ow!"

"Serves you right," she grumbled, rubbing her sore hand. "Why should I even need to put it on?"

"Because every layer over your skin is a layer that keeps a stone spear from impaling you?" Saito suggested. "Granted, it's better to dodge than defend, but you can't dodge everything. If Fouquet hurts you, I'd like to at least make her work for it," he added, and Louise reluctantly dug the leather corset out of her closet. "Oh. Your _sister_ gave you _that_?"

Some people might describe it as a little racy. Those same people might also be inclined to describe a lake as a bit damp, or a mountain as somewhat tall.

"Eleanore doesn't believe that I have any hope with magic," Louise muttered as Saito helped her peel off her outer layers. "She keeps trying to get me pulled out of the Academy so she can start grooming me for marriage."

"Won't she be in for a surprise…I take it you disagree?" Saito asked, beginning to loosely do up the laces in the back.

"They're supposed to be tighter than that," she commented, "and yes, I do. Even if I'm promised, I still want to at least graduate the Academy before I marry. A lot of the time the first thing that happens in a noble marriage is providing an heir, and I can't imagine doing that yet. _Maybe_ when I'm twenty or twenty-two, but…"

"I will support my master's choice to the best of my ability," Saito promised.

"You're doing that politeness thing again."

"I'm helping an attractive young woman put on a corset," he deadpanned. "And before you repeat yourself, I'm not doing the laces tighter because you still need to be able to breathe and move in this. No one's going to see that you're wearing it. At least, I hope that no one's going to see you wearing this."

"Of course not! Can you imagine what people would say?" Louise squawked. Then she blinked as Saito stepped around and pressed something into her hand.

"Hold on to that too, just in case."

"A dagger?" she said nervously, eyeing the sharp edge on the cold metal. "Why are you giving me this? Don't you need it for your runes?"

"I still have three others, and I don't intend to throw Derflinger," he explained, strapping the sword to his waist a little awkwardly.

"I should hope not, partner!" the sword said. "I've seen a lot of people try to do that, and it never works. Not with me, not with any other sword. Well, except for that one guy with the white hair, but he used a bow most of the time. That, and the two swords he did throw were enchanted for that. I may not remember everything, but I know that I'm not supposed to be thrown, partner. Also, I'm supposed to go on your back."

"My waist is what I'm used to," Saito said, "but we can work on a shoulder strap later if you'd like." He turned back to Louise. "As you can see, the runes won't be a problem. But I want you to have something else just in case Fouquet takes your wand or gets too close for you to cast. Now that I think of it, you should grab a spare wand if you have one."

"Is this all really necessary?" Louise asked nervously, digging out one of her old wands. It was brown wood with a vine pattern, on the off chance that it would help her with earth magic. It hadn't.

"If you're in a fair fight, you're doing something wrong," Saito said firmly. "That's one of the rules I learned back home. You always want to stack the odds as much in your favor as possible."

"It seems rather…ignoble," Louise muttered.

"Fouquet is a thief and a frighteningly powerful mage who knows we're coming and has had several hours to prepare," Saito replied. "If you fight fair and she doesn't, you'll lose. It's even worse if that Professor Colbert is right."

"Right about what?"

"That Longueville is Fouquet. Or at least working with her," Saito said, and Louise stared.

"That's ridiculous," she said. "Professor Colbert said no such thing! Furthermore, Fouquet is a mage, and the headmaster's secretary is a commoner! And besides, did you not hear her story?"

"Professor Colbert spent the entire talk staring at her suspiciously," Saito countered bluntly. "The only reason you know she's a commoner is because she's never used magic, and her story is suspicious."

"Explain, please," Louise said worriedly.

"First off, she could be a noble using a fake name. As long as she doesn't wave a wand around no one could ever prove otherwise. You could prove that a commoner was impersonating a noble when they couldn't use magic, but it doesn't work the same way in reverse. And I don't buy that she just happened to be going along the same path that Fouquet just happened to use at the same time."

"It could be a coincidence. She might have used the path for the same reason Fouquet did: it was a little-known route that few people were going to use. She _was_ going to meet a lover, after all."

"It's possible, I admit. But she was going to meet her lover in the woods? Why not have them come to the Academy, or take the main road to the nearby village they live in?"

"To avoid gossip? It did seem like her lover might be another woman."

"Is that a bad thing?"

"Not exactly…there's nothing against it in any of Brimir's teachings, but he doesn't approve of it either. It's rather a gray zone that no one likes to discuss. So maybe they met in the woods to avoid letting people know they were seeing another woman."

"Alright. They meet in the woods, and then? Generally when you sneak out in the dead of night at that age, there's more planned than sweet talk and holding hands." Louise snorted.

"They're commoners. I imagine the locale wouldn't make much of a distance." Saito rolled his eyes.

"Louise, remember our talk about the differences between nobles and commoners, and rethink that statement. Please."

_The differences between—oh!_

"Um… They're not so different from nobles, so the idea wouldn't really appeal to them any more than it would to me?"

"Exactly," Saito agreed.

"But that's still not proof!"

"It's not, but I'm going to keep an eye on her. Don't pay a lot of attention, because you don't know how to not let her know you're suspicious, but be prepared for her to backstab us."

"So don't let her stand behind me," Louise summarized.

Saito grinned. "Exactly."

* * *

The six of them, four mages and two (supposedly) not, stood at the edge of a clearing in the woods. Sylphid stayed next to Tabitha and hid. Inside was a mostly barren field of grass, with a pile of stones near the middle. Leaning up against the pile was a ramshackle shed half dug into the ground.

"That's Fouquet's hideout? It doesn't look like much. I could probably burn it down from here with a single spell," Kirche mused.

"Without destroying the Staff of Destruction, Calamari?" Saito asked.

"Actually, von Zerbst, it's the perfect hideout for someone like Fouquet," Louise corrected. "Any smart earth mage will want to dig into the ground to fortify themselves. Now Fouquet is surrounded on all sides by her element."

"But so am I," Guiche said. "Perhaps I should be the one to begin the confrontation?"

"Triangle. Dot," Tabitha said simply, keeping her eyes on the hut. There was a twitch of her staff and a whisper of wind. "Abandoned."

"Eh, it's abandoned? Are you sure there's no one there? How can you tell?" Louise asked.

"If Tabitha says there's no one there, then there's no one there," Kirche said firmly. "She's very good with listening spells, so she could have heard Fouquet breathing."

"The triangle-class earth spell Sleeping Mole will let Earth mages hide underground until they run out of breath, and Freshen is a dot-class air spell," Louise argued.

"Huh? I've never heard of Sleeping Mole," Kirche commented.

"Nor I," Guiche added.

"I looked up all sorts of crazy spells in the hopes that I could cast them," Louise said drily, hiding her embarrassment. "Besides, if Fouquet _isn't _there, then maybe the Staff of Destruction isn't either."

"The trail pretty clearly comes to this clearing and doesn't leave," Kirche said. "We have to at least check it out to be sure."

"So who's going to hurry up and check?" Louise snapped.

"I will," Saito cut in. "I'm the best person when it comes to close combat."

"Then I'm going with you," Louise agreed.

"No, master. I need you to stay back and get a clear shot at the golem. Keep your distance and stay safe," he replied. "Guiche, would you come with me? You can fight without magic, you're an earth mage as well, and your Valkyries will even the odds and buy time if Fouquet does appear."

"I…I will," he said.

"Mou, can't I come with darling?"

"Kirche, you're like Louise," Saito explained. "Better at casting from a distance." Tabitha stepped forward.

"Fight," she said simply. Behind her, Sylphid stretched quietly.

"Actually, I had a different idea for you," Saito said. "If you can use wind to listen, can you use it to talk?" Tabitha nodded once. "Then can you stay on Sylphid's back and fly around to see if Fouquet shows up? We'll need you to help us escape if that happens." Tabitha nodded. "Thank you. And since you're going to be out of the way, can you hold this?" She blinked. Saito has handing her the data pad he had.

"Why?"

"It's a keepsake of mine that I forgot to leave behind, and I'd rather it not get destroyed in the fight," Saito said airily, but Tabitha knew what he was really saying. _If I die, it's yours to help your mother with_. She nodded once.

"If you're all about to begin, do you mind if I run back to the path," Longueville asked, nervously biting her lip. "I've shown you where the hut is, and I'm not a noble or a familiar, so I can't really fight. I'd just get in the way."

"Of course," Saito said gently, "and I imagine Theodore wants to know that you're alright." _Take the bait,_ he hoped silently.

"Tiffa. I mean Timothy!" Fouquet corrected. _ So he is suspicious! You won't trip me up that easily, Gandalfr,_ she mentally crowed.

"My apologies. You'd better go now and get out of the way," Saito said. "Unless, of course, you'd rather be safe on Sylphid with Tabitha?"

"I don't like heights," she muttered, and vanished into the woods. Saito waited for the count of ten, ignoring the others' discussion, before he spoke.

"Silence spell, please," he asked Tabitha. One wave of her staff later he turned to everyone else. "Since there's the chance that Longueville is working with Fouquet, we should have another quick strategy session just in case she spills our first one."

"I hate to say it, darling, but wasn't that debunked back in Old Osmond's office?" Kirche asked.

"Saito raised some good points to me earlier, but it would take too long to explain them," Louise said shortly. "Nothing is certain, but remember that it's a possibility. What strategy were you thinking of, familiar?"

* * *

"On the count of three, Guiche?"

"Agreed. One."

"Two."

"Three!" Four bronze golems formed an honor guard around them as Saito and Guiche dashed for the hut. Saito could have outpaced the mage easily, but it would have left him open to any hostile spells, so he had decided to play it safe.

"Clear," Tabitha's voice whispered in their ear. No one was sneaking up on them. There was a split-second pause at the door, and then Saito kicked it down. Two golems stayed to guard the door while two followed them inside wielding a sword and a baton. Saito walked over to the case that was sitting on the table and opened it. No traps went off.

They looked inside it wordlessly for a moment. Then Saito's voice echoed his surprise.

"A rocket launcher! What on earth…?"

"You are familiar with this?"

"It's an old weapon from my homeland."

The weapon was removed from the case for a moment and examined by each of them. A spell was whispered after Saito confirmed its authenticity. A rumbling tremor ran through the earth.

"Attack," Tabitha's voice whispered in their ears.

Then the screaming started.

"Flame Whip! It's the golem!" Kirche yelled to them, and with a groaning tear it ripped the roof off. Saito, Guiche and the two golems found themselves staring at Fouquet's favored mount.

"Blast!" Louise's voice shouted. Saito was pleased to see one of the golem's knees disappear. He'd advised Louise to aim lower and destabilize the golem should she have the chance, and she'd taken it to heart.

He was not pleased to see that it began swaying and listing to one side, threatening to fall on them. And it still hadn't put the roof down, for that matter.

He was even less pleased when the stump of a leg reached back up towards the rest of the body and reattached, healing it as good as new.

But what really upset him were the cut-off cries of shock from Louise and Kirche, implying that there was a reason they hadn't continued casting. The golem reached down towards them.

Then the golem blew up beautifully when the rocket from the Staff of Destruction arced out of where the ceiling used to be and into its chest. Saito hadn't even hesitated at pulling the trigger, barely taking time to aim. Guiche, Saito, and the two golems rushed out into the field amidst a rain of soil.

"If the dragon flies down here I will sink both girls six-feet deep," a voice called loudly enough for Tabitha to hear in the air.

Fouquet was standing over the unconscious and half-buried forms of Louise and Kirche, holding their wands.

An unconscious Miss Longueville was behind and facing away from them, slung over a low tree branch. And then, without Fouquet even moving, stone spikes erupted from the ground, piercing through two of the golems as the chests of Saito and Guiche, while the other two golems sank up to their knees.

"Very clever," the cloaked Fouquet boomed ominously. Eyeing the two imprisoned golems and the scraps of four golems scattered around the grass. "Illusion magic to disguise yourselves as golems and them as you. If I couldn't tell your weights from your footsteps on the ground it might have worked. But having the two mages levitate," she motioned to Louise and Kirche, "only made me hit them on the head before I sank them. Now, give me the Staff of Destruction."

The air around the two mages wavered, revealing Saito holding Derflinger, and Guiche with his wand.

"Why the deception? Why leave it out for us to find and take back?" Saito asked. "To gloat?"

"Information," Fouquet said simply. "I possessed the staff but did not know how to use it. I decided to gamble that you would, and was watching through my golem's eyes when you destroyed it. Now, give it to me."

"It's over there," Saito said, pointing where the rocket launcher had dropped when the golem carrying had been destroyed. Fouquet moved stiffly over and picked it up. Then she laughed.

"An excellent trick, but not good enough. The handle on the real Staff of Destruction is made of a black material. This replacement's is bronze. Where did you conceal the real Staff of Destruction?"

"Right here," Saito said, as the rocket launcher appeared in his left hand (out of his subspace pocket) and he pointed it at Fouquet. The thief did not flinch, despite the fact that Kirche, Louise and Miss Longueville were too far away to be human shields.

"More illusion magic? Impressive, from a familiar and a dot-class earth mage. But I can sink myself and my hostages faster than you can pull the trigger, and will do so if you do not put it down." Saito smiled.

"You're not a killer, or else we'd already be dead," he replied, angling the weapon towards the ground. "Besides, I'd never shoot this at you. After all," his arm snapped up to point at the tree Miss Longueville was draped over, "that's just another golem."

There was a rush of air as he pulled the trigger.

The unconscious secretary screamed in terror, twisting off the branch to the ground while conjuring up a wall of earth. In the instant that she was taking cover, Saito used Derflinger as leverage to rip himself out of the ground and exploded into motion. He was at the trapped girls' sides in an instant, using all of his rune-enhanced strength to _tear_ them out of the loose soil, and he jumped onto a low-hanging tree-branch in one bound, draping them both across it.

"Why did nothing happen?" Longueville's voice called grumpily. Having been forced to reveal herself as Fouquet she would lose everything if she ran away now, Saito knew. On the flipside, that meant that she might finally resort to lethal force. The thief appeared, climbing on top of the earth wall she had erected.

"It's a weapon. Of course you can feint with it," Saito explained blandly. He had left it on the ground behind him when he raced to save the hostages, but Guiche had summoned three new Valkyries, meaning that Fouquet was outflanked. Her wand-hand start twitching nervously, and Saito guessed that she was trying to choose what to cast. Or casting silently, perhaps.

"Clever. What gave me away?"

"Colbert's suspicions. Your unlikely story. Instinct," Saito said with a shrug. "Mostly it was just a guess."

"Undone by a familiar's dumb luck," Longueville growled, her wand twitching idly. "Not how I envisioned things going. Has anyone told you that your strategies are stupidly complicated?"

"The only thing more annoying than discovering that you _didn't_ have to plan three steps ahead is discovering that the opponent already planned _five_ steps ahead," Saito sympathized. "Would you believe that I'm really bad at chess, though?"

"You also talk too much," Fouquet commented, and quickly grabbed the staff of Destruction from where her silent spell work had moved it underground to her. "This is the endgame."

"Do you really think you can blow me up? You're not a killer," Saito said. "Also, at this range I could tag you with a knife easily. It's only because you haven't used lethal force that I haven't either." The Valkyries menacingly clanked nearer, and Fouquet tried to point her wand at them, but needed her second hand to stabilize the rocket launcher. She smirked grimly.

"The tree will work just as well," she said, dropping her aim from Saito to the trunk. She clicked the trigger and immediately twisted her body and lashed out behind her with her wand to disintegrate the golems. She realized too late that no explosion had occurred this time, either.

One of Saito's knives dug into the back of her knee and she dropped. A second thudded into the ground near her hand, chopping her wand in twain.

"Okay, dammit! I surrender…" she groaned, choking off the pain. "But how...?" How did he mess up the Staff of Destruction? How did they capture her? How was he that good with a knife? whatever she was going to ask just trailed off into a groan of pain.

"Excellent," Guiche said, approaching with his Valkyries. "We'll simply take you into custody and—"

Fouquet burst into a whirl of motion as he knelt down to restrain her, snagging his wand and forcing Guiche into a submission hold as she chanted furiously.

"Rough Rider," she choked, as the ground she was kneeling on surged up into the wolf golem from the night before. "I'll be leaving, now—"

"Burst," Louise coughed out from behind Saito. The wolf's head and chest detonated, dropping them to the ground. Tabitha, hidden invisibly on a high tree branch, conjured icicles into a cage of ice to separate her from her hostage.

Then Sylphid dropped out of the sky like a thunderbolt, the resulting assault ending with Fouquet, wandless, held in mid-air by the scruff of her neck by Sylphid. If it weren't for the blood from her wounded leg she would have looked very much like a naughty kitten.

Well, not really, but you get the idea.

Saito was more concerned about Louise casting in that state. He spun around to see her grin wryly, holding the spare wand she'd had, before she tumbled off of the branch to the ground. He dashed forward and caught her with two feet to spare.

"Please tell me we can go back to the castle now," he grumbled, juggling his master and his unsheathed sword, and hoping that Kirche didn't fall too.

If she did, he'd just have to let her drop. After all, no matter how much she may like him, and Saito would admit that he was a _bit_ charmed by her as well, she still wasn't his master.

"I do not believe that the thief has any more tricks to play," Guiche said tiredly. "I must wonder though, Saito. Why did the Staff of Destruction not destroy anything when Fouquet used it?"

"It's like a bow and arrow. Only one shot, and then you need to reload," Saito said absently. "I used that one shot, so it was useless after that."

"Lucky," Tabitha noted clinically. Saito shrugged.

"Think Sylphid can keep her like that until we arrive? Good. Let's go back, then."

* * *

"So Miss Longueville was Fouquet," Colbert said as the students reported back in the headmaster's office. He and Old Osmond were the only ones present, the other teachers having either gone to see that Fouquet was kept secure, or to prepare for the Ball of Frigg that night. "I thought she might have been an accomplice, but I never considered that she might be Fouquet." _I must be getting sloppy. I wonder what Karin would think if I made such an obvious mistake._

"Yes…because she's such a beauty I never considered that she might be a criminal when I hired her."

"How did you hire her, Headmaster? You go through secretaries so quickly that employment agencies have stopped trying to send anyone."

"Oh, well, it was in a tavern," the old man admitted. "I like to go have a drink after every week. She was a waitress there, and she was always very nice to me, paying me compliments and smiles. And she never complained too much when I slowly caressed my hand down her buttocks…"

"I…see," Colbert said with a forced smile.

"Yes, in retrospect I suppose that it was all an act to get into the Academy. Beautiful women make deadly mages."

Colbert resolved to never let slip that he had told her about the vault's weakness to physical force, even if it had been an attempt to lure Fouquet out. "Yes, they most certainly do," he agreed.

The four mages who had captured Fouquet, along with Saito, just stared at the two adults. Well, two of them stared. Tabitha was too busy reading, and Kirche was once again leaning against Saito blissfully. And if he had taken a page out of Osmond's book and let a hand slip, she definitely wasn't complaining.

Still, realizing that some of his students were giving them cold looks, Osmond cleared his throat and regained his composure.

"Well done, and congratulations to the four of you. Capturing Fouquet has been impossible for the Guard, and yet you all accomplished it despite being students still. I have sent a missive to the royal family," Louise stiffened slightly and everyone perked up, "requesting that you all be awarded. I think that at least the Elven Medallion will be in store for each of you, and you may even be given the title of Chevalier in gratitude."

"Capturing this thief is really so serious?" Guiche asked.

"Not only has Fouquet been able to completely evade the Mage Guard, but she stole from a number of very important families. In fact, it was not released to the public, but Fouquet even once stole several things from the Royal Palace! The most outrageous rumor was that she stole a painting from the queen's bedroom wall while she slept, but I can hardly believe such a thing."

"Headmaster…will my familiar also gain any recognition?" Louise asked.

"It's true, he was very important to the capture of Fouquet," Guiche added. Even Kirche nodded in agreement.

"Shameful as it is to admit, darling quite frankly contributed more to the capture of Fouquet than I," the redhead admitted. Osmond shook his head remorsefully.

"I'm sorry, but as he isn't a noble…"

Saito waved it off with a laugh, saying, "I don't need anything. The successes of the familiar reflect on their master, after all. And it's not as though anyone is awarding Sylphid a prize for keeping Fouquet from escaping either."

"Quite right," the headmaster agreed, albeit a bit apologetically. "Still, I have news! With the Staff of Destruction returned, the Ball of Frigg will be happening tonight as scheduled, and you four are sure to be the center of attention."

"Ooh, that's right! Let's leave Fouquet where she belongs and dance the night away in celebration," Kirche said, her face lighting up.

"A wonderful plan. Be ready for me to mention your exploits when you enter and are announced," Osmond said cheerfully. "Now there's still a few hours between now and then, but you may wish to go and begin preparing." The four began to file out, and Louise paused when Saito wasn't following.

"Are you coming?"

"I'll be up to help you change soon enough, master," Saito assured her. "I just need to ask a question." She nodded and closed the door behind her, leaving the three males alone.

"You wish to ask a question?" Osmond queried. Saito nodded politely.

"If it's not too much trouble."

"Ask away. It is the least I can do," the headmaster invited. "I can't bestow a title, but I can do this much, at least. Colbert, would you mind stepping outside?" The bald professor frowned. "You _are_ supposed to be in bed right now. Don't make me call Madam Pompeii on you." Colbert nodded in acceptance and stepped outside.

After the door clicked shut Saito said, "The Staff of Destruction…I recognized it."

"You've seen such a thing before?" Osmond asked, his eyes brightening.

"It's an old weapon from my homeland," Saito said. "It's not used much in these days, but it used to be more prominent. I was simply wondering how it came to be here. It might help me get back home."

"Ah," Osmond sighed. "Your home country, or your home world?" he asked bluntly, staring the familiar in the eyes. Saito didn't stiffen guiltily, but instead smiled.

"I was trying to keep that a secret," he admitted. "It looks like I needn't have bothered. My apologies for the deception."

"Not at all," Osmond chuckled. "People tend to fear what is different, and that is about as different as can be. The truth is the Staffs of Destruction belonged to my savior."

"Savior?" Saito asked. Then something else tickled his mind. "Staffs plural?"

"Yes. This was forty or fifty years in the past. I was attacked by a two-headed dragon in the forest while hunting for catalysts, and it had damaged my staff. The man who saved me used a Staff of Destruction to save me, but he had already been gravely injured, and suffered an infection. I took him to the Academy and treated him, but he passed away after several days."

"I see," Saito said morosely. "I would have liked to meet him."

"From what little we could communicate he seemed a very good man," Osmond agreed. "However, he always asked where he was. He had never heard of our country or continent, despite speaking something similar to one of our languages. His first night here he was shocked by the two moons in the sky, saying that at home there was only one."

"Yes, that sounds like my home world," Saito agreed. "A single moon shining silvery-white in the night, eternally shifting as it waxes and wanes between darkness and light."

"Very poetic," Osmond complimented. "However, I am sorry to say that I do not know how he came to be here. He did not know either. When he died, I buried one Staff of Destruction with him—the one he used to save my life—and had the other placed in the vault as a monument. The havoc Fouquet could have created with it…"

"Not much, actually," Saito assured him. "The rocket launcher is like a bow and arrow or a catapult. It needs to be reloaded after each use, and there was only the one 'arrow'."

"That is a relief, I suppose," Osmond agreed. "And since I could not tell you what you wished to hear, perhaps I can answer another question of yours. Those runes on your left hand."

"I was wondering about those," Saito agreed. "Louise said that sometimes familiars get special abilities, such as cats learning to talk. These appear to work with weapons."

"Yes. The runes read Gandalfr. The Gandalfr was a legendary familiar from the era of Founder Brimir. Known as the "Shield," or "Left Hand of God," it was a weapons-master supposed capable of fighting off an army of one-thousand single-handedly."

"A familiar from the time of Brimir? _His_ familiar?" Saito asked.

"One of them. Founder Brimir not only had unique familiars, but was unique in that he had more than one. But the Gandalfr was his first, and its duty was to guard him while he chanted his long and complicated incantations, as doing so left him vulnerable."

"The ultimate body-guard, then," Saito summarized. "How convenient. Do you know why I'm a Gandalfr?"

"I do not," he admitted solemnly, "but if I were to guess I would say that we can expect great things from both you and Mademoiselle Valliere in the future."

"I'll be sure to tell her," Saito said with a friendly grin. _He's lying about not knowing why, but I have a good guess of my own_. "My master's confidence needs all the boosting it can get. If there's nothing else, I'll take my leave and attend her."

"I am glad to hear that you are not too distraught to be stuck here on our world. Feel free to return and speak with me at any time. I would greatly enjoy hearing more of the world you hail from."

"I may take you up on that," Saito said, sketching a bow and exiting. It wasn't until he was out the door and halfway down the hall that he stopped and took a deep breath. Then he slammed his fist into the stones of the wall as hard as he could.

"Another clue, another dead end," he muttered. "Still, at least I know it's possible. And if this only happened forty years ago, then the timelines match up, so that's good. Not that working under a time limit is very encouraging." Saito sighed.

"One month before I can't return without consequences. More like three weeks, now. Still, could I really just live with disappearing if I never get back?" He drew in a breath. "It wouldn't be the end of the world. Helping Louise is a good enough cause to take up, all things considered, and there's no reason I can't be happy here. Even if I never see my family again…or her." He closed his eyes, remembering the feel of running his fingers through a wild golden mane, and the warm haze of skin on skin.

"Captain will recover. She's not one pine or pin her heart down to one person," he mused. "I was closer than most others, but there were still others, and we were never exactly steady." He chuckled to himself. "Still, I can't help but wonder who my replacement will be." He rubbed his bare right wrist, missing the loop of golden chain that he had left behind—the bracelet that she had given him. "Well, I'd better be off. Master probably won't want to robe herself. She never does."

* * *

The Hall where the Ball of Frigg was held was directly over the Alviss Dining Hall. Usually, it was an empty area full of cobwebs and the whispers of ghosts. This evening, though, it shone with a thousand soft mage lights as the partygoers danced in elegant patterns.

Saito was garbed in something similar to the dress uniform the servants were wearing as they carried trays, but with a few unique touches. First, Louise had somehow managed to alter the jacket so that it displayed the Valliere crest, showing him to be in the employ of that household. Second, he had at his waist the sword that they had received from Kirche.

'It's not something I could wear with a ball gown, so for tonight it's yours. Display it for the pride of House Valliere,' she had told him after he helped her dress.

"A pretty show," Derflinger said from beside him. Saito had brought it along and leaned it against the railing on the balcony, as the sword had expressed an interest in seeing the show. "Are you going to join the party, partner?"

"I may dance if I get asked, but I'll mostly stay out here and enjoy the air," Saito replied. A bottle of wine and a glass were balanced on his other side. Saito filled the glass and then sipped at it. "If I see Siesta I may stop and say hi."

"Who?"

"She's a maid with a crush on me. It's rather cute, and more than a little nice," Saito told the animate weapon. "So is she, for that matter." Earlier Saito had been accompanied by Kirche, but when the ball began in earnest she had disappeared to flirt. Currently he saw her surrounded by a bevvy of males, skillfully wrapping them around her fingers.

Tabitha was for once not by Kirche's side, but had isolated herself in another corner of the room, near the buffet table. Compared to Kirche's daring ball gown the bluenette was wearing a conservative black evening dress, black slippers, and long white gloves. In lieu of her usual book she was holding a plate piled high between herself and the rest of the world. _Although at her rate she'll need to refill it in a few minutes,_ Saito noted. Apparently the bluenette had a large appetite.

_I suppose that's one thing that's not like Lady Urawa back at home. I think. Actually, have I ever seen her eat? She usually didn't have food in her laboratory, and at social stuff I didn't always pay attention…_ Saito hummed as he wracked his memory, trying answer the question he had asked himself.

He was slightly disturbed to find that he couldn't.

_I've been away less than two weeks, and already things seem a bit foggy. I can remember faces…can't I? Without seeing them, I wouldn't know if I couldn't. _He drained his wineglass dry and refilled it, then drained that as well. _I wonder…are the runes responsible for this? I can still remember my family, my life, my friends…but was it always this blurry at the edges?_ He drained his glass again.

"Eh, isn't that a drop too much for you?" Derflinger asked.

"Unless this is much stronger than I think, I'll need another glass or two before I make a fool of myself," Saito muttered. "Besides, I might be going insane or be turned into a mindless drone. Can't I drink to drown my sorrows?"

_It's not as though I can change the runes, so I might as well accept them. But is that really what I think, or is that their influence as well? …I see why taicho always got annoyed with my mind-games,_ Saito groused to himself. He was bringing the glass to his mouth again when the herald's announcement made him pause.

"The daughter of his Grace the Duke of La Vallière, Louise Françios le Blanc de la Vallière arrives!"

Everyone turned to look, and only an idiot would have called the young lady who entered a zero.

Louise was wearing one of her white ball gowns, which was one of the only two colors she kept formal clothes in—the other being black for funerals. Her hair was pulled up in a ponytail, and like the other ladies she wore dainty white gloves. At his gentle suggestion she'd opted against a low-cut gown, instead going for something that left her shoulders and back bare, but tied around her neck and covered her chest. As Saito had pointed out, no one would notice if she snuck in a few folded cloths for padding.

_Oh my, I think she may have more admirers than Kirche right now,_ he thought appreciatively as the boys crowded around her. Her outfit, along with the necklace and earrings, turned her into a jewel on the dance floor. And like magpies, the young men who previously thought her only to be 'Louise the Zero' had now sworn to win her heart.

Or at least a dance.

The familiar raised an eyebrow as his master waved away all of the admirers. He couldn't hear her voice, but a glimpse let him lip read, "—saved the first dance—". And now she was coming this way.

"You look like you're enjoying yourself," she said shortly.

"The real fun will come later," Saito observed with a grin. "After everyone's had a little to drink I intend to get away with all kinds of things."

"Nothing to disgrace the noble house of Vallière, I hope?"

"They'll never prove anything," Saito promised, and Louise cracked a grin. The familiar was glad he had had a bit to drink, so that she couldn't discern his flushed cheeks.

"Why Saito, I do believe you to be blushing," she teased with a grin, proving him wrong. "Don't tell me you forgot the deal we made." She paused. "In my room. Alone. On my bed…"

"Oh, the kitten has claws!" he teased softly. "I was about to ask you the same thing. Is it appropriate for an engaged woman to ask another man to dance? What would your fiancé say?"

"I don't know. We've not met for almost a decade," she responded primly. Saito raised an eyebrow. "Well?"

"Well?" he countered. She rolled her eyes.

"You obviously could guess why I am here. It is ignoble to make a lady ask for a dance. They don't ask; they merely save dances for appropriate gentlemen. And with the rest of my admirers I fear I may only have this one free. After all, a Vallière will traditionally dance first with a member of the family, and with my father and uncle's absence you are the closest I have."

"Then why wait?" he mused, placing his half-full (and in his mood it was most definitely not half-empty) glass on the railing. He bowed. "Lady le Blanc de la Vallière, would you honor me with this dance?" Louise merely extended an arm, and he led her onto the dance floor amid murmurs.

"Are you sure this is appropriate?" Saito whispered into her ear as they swayed to the music. Other nobles were staring and whispering. "And were you planning this when you made me help you practice dancing earlier?"

"I was, and it is if I say it is. That woman will no doubt want a dance of her own, so I thought it best to upstage her," Louise answered.

"Yes, Calamari did promise to save a dance for me. I can't help but wonder if she'll remember, though. She must juggle so many men."

"Such activities are so unbecoming. Couldn't she at least keep her trysts confined to her bedroom?" Louise humphed into his ear.

"On the one hand, I want to point out that if she tried to do so they all might be crushed to death. I don't think Calamari's room could fit so many men at once." Louise chuckled. "On the other hand…you had at least as many admirers yourself before you waved them away, master."

"Not so many."

"Indeed, master. Maybe more." Louise preened under Saito's praise. Then she asked something.

"In your…home world did you attend such events as these?"

"Sometimes. I served three or four times as a date for my taicho."

"You slipped back into your old language," she chided him. "Your girlfriend? Lover?"

"I suppose, but the word means captain. Commanding officer."

Louise frowned. "In Tristain's army such relationships are forbidden. My mother spoke of the troubles they could bring several times. What was she like?"

"At home they are usually discouraged, but this was an exception for certain reasons. And…well, imagine if Montmorency acted like Kirche."

"So that's why you know how to handle that woman so well?"

"Yes. But she was a social butterfly who would spend much of her time much as Kirche does, so I invented games to amuse myself."

"Games?"

"Master, you have a lot of admirers. Would you like a challenge, and see how well we match up in wit and cunning?"

"I had planned to spend the evening dancing, but I'm listening."

"Oh, you can still dance. The challenge is…make two of your admirers fight over you without being obvious about it. Fight meaning with fists or a magical duel, or even just a shouting argument."

"How would I do that? And _why_?"

"The same way anyone would. Drop compliments, show a little favoritism, and exercise the female's prerogative to change her mind like the wind. Maybe let a glove fall and they'll fight over who can return it to you. Or who could escort you to your room at the end of the night." The noble tensed.

"You don't expect me to let them in, do you?" she hissed nervously.

"Of course not. And I'll be there to stop them if they try," he assured her, Louise relaxing back into his arms as they navigated the dance floor. She was considering it.

"But still…why bother?"

"It will just be something to think on throughout the night. The way they dance to a tune of your choosing. A little payback that it took them so long to notice you. A harmless game of havoc and mayhem where they get to be the fools for once, fighting over the former Zero. Sound like fun?" The music came to a stop and he spun Louise into a dip. She grinned a wolfish grin.

"_Yes_."

* * *

OMAKE: Looping. Taken from _Innortal_'s work, which was based on the groundhog's day loops.

Louise's eyes opened and she found herself—for what was probably the six-hundred and somethingth time—in the clearing near her school, about to perform the Familiar Summoning Ritual. _Here we go again,_ she thought to herself, ignoring her classmates' jibes as she began to chant. She wondered if Saito would be awake this time. Going through the loop with that horny dog from before all of this happened was always a pain, so most of the time she barely tried to form their usual relationship and fobbed him off onto one of his harem-like followers.

Saito as he'd been the first time just couldn't compare to the embodiment of mischief he'd grown to be along-side her through these loops. Even with the power of the Void at her disposal, she _still _couldn't figure out how he'd once managed to paint the entire Academy pink in a single night, let alone any of the really difficult pranks he'd pulled. Maybe she'd ask him to do it again and let her watch, this time.

This was, of course, assuming that she summoned Saito. Getting other familiars happened occasionally, too. It was one of the first ways they'd realized that they weren't alone in the Loops. Her chant finished, and the ritual circle exploded as a figure dropped down.

"Servant Gandalfr, by your summoning I have come forth. I ask of you this: are you my master?" A wide grin swept across Louise's face as Saito used the traditional greeting they'd copied from the Heaven's Feel to tell her that he was awake.

"Yes, yes I am," Louise said, giving him the signal that she was awake as well. She stepped forward and began the chant that would cement their bond for this loop. Apparently that didn't always happen when he was summoned, as he sometimes got the girl she'd been when she first summoned him, before this all began. Considering how she'd been then, she pitied him on those occasions. Being without a friend and equal was a trying experience.

1234567890987654321

"So, any plans in particular for this loop?" Saito asked as they walked back to the Academy.

"I'm not sure. Doing anything on the list that we haven't done would be good, but I sort of want something more this time around," Louise muttered. "Before that, though, have you gone through any loops without me?"

"Yes, one. It was pretty fun, actually."

"Oh? What happened? Did you enjoy not having me around so you could inflict your base lusts on an unsuspecting population of girls?" she asked archly.

"Actually, I enjoyed not being Gandalfr."

"...Wait, what?"

"You summoned me as Windalfr that time, so I got to steal all of Julio's tricks. When I picked a fight with Guiche I made Verdandi maul him, and I got Flame to burn off all of Kirche's clothes in the middle of the hall." Louise burst out cackling. "I thought you'd appreciate that."

"I hope that happens again in a loop where I can see it," she chuckled. "So does that mean Julio was Gandalfr instead?"

"Nope. Lipbrasir, so he was pretty much useless. Sheffield was Gandalfr."

"Oh, Founder."

"Yeah. It was freaky. I mean, I know I thought she was crazy before, but Sheffield being literally axe crazy was...pretty hot, actually."

"I can imagine," Louise deadpanned. "So which unlucky girl did you end up with?"

"Sheffield." Louise stumbled and choked. "No, I'm seriously. She got really turned on during or fight and it turned into a roll in the hay. I even managed to convince her to turn against Joseph and support Tabitha. It was priceless."

"That, I'll want to see," she muttered. "So, do you have any ideas for this loop?"

"Get Guiche to try batting for the other team, convince Kirche to take a vow of chastity as a nun, beat your mother in duel, search the Holy Lands and beyond, start our own religion with you as the next Brimir, take a leaf out of Fouquet's book and steal things, or maybe just do the canon run through and see what inspiration we get."

"No, I want to try something we haven't done before," Louise decided.

"We've never beaten your mother in a serious duel before," Saito pointed out.

"And I don't think we're going to for at least another few dozen loops," Louise muttered. "Maybe if could remember Void spells instead of having to relearn them, but I _swear_ that most of the incantations change between loops!"

"I'm pretty sure they do," Saito agreed.

"Stupid drama-preserving handicap," she grumbled.

"Well, how about assassinating Kirche's mother, seducing her father, and then making her call you mommy?"

"Ick. Can we not do something sex-related?"

"I'm still a teenaged male. What do you expect?" Saito pouted. "Well, how about we turn evil for a loop? Or maybe just insane?"

"...What?"

"I do it every now and then in loops where you aren't around to keep from getting bored. Well, the insane part. Sometimes I tempt you into the path of evil, too, but that's hard to do. You're very stubborn."

"I like the sound of this. What are you thinking?"

"Basically we steal the Founder's Prayer Book and set ourselves up as new warlords trying to take over the continent. You could even play up the Void mage and Holy Leader parts if you want. Or we can just join the Reconquista. If you tell them you're an emissary of God sent to aid them in their holy quest they'll probably bow down and lick your boots." Louise hmmed thoughtfully.

"I like the sound of that, actually. Joseph and Sheffield like making the Reconquista their patsy, so let's turn it around on them." She paused. "It'll probably kill Henrietta to hear that her best friend is the leader of the group that wants to kill her lover."

"So assassinate the Emperor of Germania and ransom Wales back to Tristain. It's not like you can't crack open the castle singlehandedly with the Void."

"Only once I've fulfilled the Prayer Book's requirements for each spell," she grumbled. "Explosion needs me to be outnumbered by enemies, Dispell means I need to be put under and enchantment, Oblivion requires me to see something so horrifying that I have to make myself forget it..."

"Pope Vittorio and Joseph having sex," Saito supplied immediately.

"...actually, that's sort of hot."

"With your mother in the middle."

_"Oh Founder the images!"_

* * *

That's all, folks. We're still in canon territory, but the time of change is fast approaching. Any omake suggestions? Complaints? Requests? Also, while I won't stop you from expressing your preferences, I believe I've come up with a conclusion to what pairings there'll be. You'll just have to see them for yourself.

**EXpertUS**: Quite a nice compliment, that this is the best non-crossover you've seen. I'm flattered. And yes, I read Hill of Swords and take some inspiration from it, but I'm doing my best to keep it original. I wanted to keep the golden sword around but not have it replace Derflinger. It might become a plot-point later, though, as might Mott.

**Guest**: Magical artifacts will be more Myoznitnir's thing, but some other will show up too. Saito might get one of them. Of course, so might Sheffield. Out of curiosity, what might happen if Sheffield got her hands on the 6,000 year old _magical artifact_ that is Derflinger? Hint, hint. And yeah, I like Guiche. He got wasted as a character and mage. Even triangle-class mages are shown chanting spells, yet he summons half-a-dozen golems instantly. Golems that are faster, stronger, and tougher than any human (except Gandalfr). You'd think that things like that would actually be dangerous, ne? So he'll gradually get a little more character development and badassery as we go. Your spell suggestions will be considered, and while Guiche may not use them someone probably will.

**Demosthenes2211**: It's not Shadowrun, but Saito does come from a world with other series in it. However, I've twisted it enough that you probably won't realize it until I rub it in your faces. Cookies and omakes for whoever guesses it before the big reveal!

**PEJP Begtzone V2**: Saito as a boot-licker is pretty sad, especially since he's got so much potential. I wish we could see some nobles insult him as a commoner, and then panic when they realize that they're annoying the Gandalfr who single-handedly charged an army of 70,000. Saito Hiraga: Proving that one _CAN_ simply walk into Mordor. No, seriously, google images him and you'll find it.

**KH-Hardcorefan4483**: Wow, thanks. I appreciate the compliment. If you're a member of any threads or something I'd be much obliged if you mentioned this there. There's at least one Familiar of Zero thread somewhere that I've never bothered to check out. And yeah, people can be good, evil, or just plain jerks no matter what their class. On another note, I might pair Tiffania, but it might not be with Saito. That'll be tricky...a fun challenge, maybe. But yes, she'll be showing up in...probably by chapter 10, or 12 at the _latest_.

Thanks for reading everyone! Review if you loved it, and I'll see you soon!


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